The Power of the Tiny

I am small... by myself, I am insignificant, unnoticeable, powerless... but when you put me with others like, or similar to me, I can hold the power of life and death.

Think for a minute about the power of the tiny... a small seed grows into a giant oak tree... a raindrop by itself cannot water a flower, but trillions of raindrops can flood and destroy the very things that need it for life... A snowflake is harmless, but billions of snowflakes can become an avalanche and cause massive destruction... I could go on an on, all around us the tiny, the insignificant have great power and the tremendous potential for destruction when combined with each other.

So now, think about a letter... by itself, harmless (except for maybe the letter I, it has plenty of destructive power on its own)... but back to my thought... letters form words, words form sentences and sentences can change lives. Proverbs 18:21 says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."

Words have power... think of the gossip, the bully, the words most of us have probably spoken in anger and wished we could somehow stuff back into our mouths. Words can be like a sword, when thrust into the heart of another, they can cause tremendous damage. Healing can come, but rarely is the scar completely wiped away.

Recently I have watched the destruction of gossip and my heart is deeply convicted of the times when I know I have gossiped or listened to gossip. My wise friend said, "Gossip is power." Funny, but it made me think of the candy Pop Rocks.

Pop rocks are tiny pieces of sugar and corn syrup infused with carbon dioxide and when you put them in your mouth, they explode. They're fun for a minute, you might even think they taste good, but to continue the enjoyment, you have to keep putting them in your mouth.

Gossip (and bullying) are like Pop Rocks... it's fun, it's powerful because the gossiper knows something that others don't, but it only lasts for a moment and to feed the enjoyment and power of it, you have to keep doing it. (Thankfully Pop Rocks can't hurt us or our kids, I ate a ton of them growing up!)

But gossip can hurt. It betrays trust. It can bring pain to another who is probably already hurting. There is nothing... NOTHING... beneficial about gossip. I don't think all gossip is malicious, I do think sometimes we share something out of concern, but no matter what the motivation, gossip can cause great harm.

In 2015, I resolve to be careful of my words. If it's not my story to share, then I won't talk about it unless I have permission. That's the easier part (Keeping my mouth closed)... but I also resolve to not listen to gossip (that's where I'll need the courage to stand up and call it what it is). And if you hear me starting to gossip, please call me on it! The satisfaction those few moments might bring are just not worth the sour taste that gets left in my mouth and it's DEFINITELY not worth the pain I have seen it cause another.

And just so I could be sure I understood what gossip is, here is a definition from Merriam-Webster online, "Information about the behavior and personal lives of other people."  Pretty simple and it's definitely things I have NO business talking about.

Proverbs 16:24, "Gracious words are like honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." May my words be seasoned with grace this year.

Out Of My "Comfort" Zone

I hesitated to tell this story because I was afraid anyone considering a trip to Africa might be 'scared' off if you thought you had to do this, but let me just say, you are free to say 'no' to anything you just can't stand the idea of doing...  So I could have said 'no'...  But...

It was the day we were out in the community around Project Canaan (PC), serving the families of the people who work at PC, and others in their community who were in need.  We had planted the garden of the sister I told you about earlier, A Hug From Heaven, and now we were going to work at the home of a single mom.

Her home was in a pretty remote location, so we reached a point in our journey when we had to get out of our nice comfortable Quantam, it's a van, and all pile into the back of a pick-up truck to go off-roading!  I think a vehicle had passed that way before, but it was the bumpiest ride I've ever taken...  and the most fun too!  (There is a country girl just bustin' to get out of this southern city girl!)


So we arrived at the home to find we had a lot of prep work to finish before we could plant the garden.  We grabbed our rakes and the guys grabbed the pick axes (I think that's what you call them) and we got to work.  At one point I stopped to rest for a minute (big mistake) and A. from PC, one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet said, "You need to go into the manure pen and get some cow dung."

Now I have a history of misunderstanding what people say to me whose first language is not English (I am NOT good with language), so I smiled, pretended to misunderstand him, and got back to work...  ASAP!!  I was really hoping he'd mysteriously forget (or find someone else) and I'd be off the hook.

But no...  a little bit later my friend S and I took a break and we were chatting (silly girls)...  A. came over to us and said, "Take the seedlings out of the tub and go into the manure pen and fill it with cow dung."  I said, "A., is there a shovel?"  He said, "No, use your arms, scoop it, scoop it!"  S. and I looked at each other, our eyes big as wagon wheels, shrugged and said 'ok'.  I think we were in shock...  surely we had entered another dimension...  two southern city girls were going to scoop cow dung?!  And then we started laughing...  and we couldn't stop!

Thankfully A. must have realized he had asked the wrong girls and he sent another one of the PC guys to help us.  We raked (ok, I raked and S. who had gloves, scooped with something we found laying on the ground) and the PC guy scooped it into the tub with his hands!  For those who will know to ask the question, "Was it dried or fresh?"  It was both!

Of course I yelled for my mom to come get a picture...  I needed proof for Scott, and for myself too, for when I emerged through the rabbit hole...  or the wardrobe...  or whatever would take me back to my comforts I've become far too accustomed to...

We filled the tub and even managed to spread it in the garden, but I have to admit, I was a little ashamed a few minutes later...  A. didn't send us back to refill the tub, instead a child, probably not more than 10-12, came walking up with a big flour sack that they had filled with cow dung, and emptied it into our tub for us.

I am such a soft woman...  I know it's 'city life'...  the culture I live in...  but I can't stand that doing things their way...  is such a novelty to me...  I hate that bugs scare me...  I hate that the thought of a snake freaks me out...  and I hate that standing in a manure pen (with all of its smells) grosses me out.

A friend of mine (another S.) wrote last year that his comforts are an idol to him...  I have thought about that all year...  and it was so real to me on this trip.  I did my best to 'suck it up' and experience everything, but I really did feel like a visitor from another dimension.  And there were things I couldn't let myself fully enjoy because of the things I was afraid of...

I am thankful for my comforts and I am blessed to have them...  But I need to find a way to stop letting the absence of them limit me (like what to do when you're in a country that has no Orkin man)...  I have no idea how to make that happen, so I'll just start with praying about it... (Ugh...  I wonder if that will turn out to be like praying for patience?!)

I guess we'll just have to see what happens... Who knows, maybe I'll find that country girl in me yet and learn to be a little more like the women who are quickly becoming my heroes... some of the women of Swaziland who are fearlessly, hard workers.  Women who don't complain, but just do...  Women whose joy overflows, and their trust in God is unshakeable, no matter what the circumstances are...  Maybe in part because comfort is not an idol to them!

Still Pondering...

My dad called me yesterday and wondered what happened to the rest of my stories (yes, I love that he was still looking for them!)...  I didn't mean to drop off the face of the planet, but I got really sick when I got home.  I thought I was getting better, but then fever and a nasty respiratory infection hit me like a truck and I just haven't felt like doing much of anything...

That...  And, for some reason, this trip is sitting really close to my heart...  I've always loved Luke 2:19...  It's after Jesus is born, the shepherds have come and Mary must be caught in a whirlwind of emotions, it says, "But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart."  Everyone is talking about what has happened, but Mary is keeping everything close.  I wonder if she was turning the events over and over in her mind, letting the fullness of them touch the deep places of her soul?  When I let things touch me that deeply, those are the things that change me...

And that was this trip for me...  There are memories...  pictures that are permanently etched in my mind... on my heart...  To some they might not seem like a big deal, but for me, it was God in the whispers...  I still want to tell some stories...  but I think I still need a few more days to ponder them...

I'll say this, there is one word that characterized this trip for me...  Relationship...  It was one of the sweetest trips I've ever made there...  I love the people there more than ever and I can't wait for next year...  If you're still waiting for more stories, like my dad, thank you!  It's a gift when people want to know your stories!

Even When We Think It's Wrong, Part 2

I have to say, God had a lesson for me on this trip, one that I won't soon forget!  Yesterday, I was so disappointed with how it seemed things were turning out...  And not completely out of selfishness, Zack's really close friend and a sweet friend of mine from church and her son came on this trip and I just wanted it to be perfect...  granted, my idea of perfect...  And as usual, God's plan is FAR better than we ever imagine!

Today was one of the sweetest, most incredible days I've ever spent in Swaziland.  It started with a great devotion to look for God in the small moments...  the whispers...  And that's where I found Him all day long!!

Since we couldn't do the TOMS shoe distribution today, and we finished our planting yesterday, all we could do was play and talk to the men and women in the community all day!  Wow...  WOw...  WOW!!

Here are just some of the highlights of the day...  Zack's friend, C., playing guitar and singing How Great Is Our God...  Oh Happy Day...  And so much more!  And them singing with us!!  Children running to hold your hand or giving you a great big smile because you stopped to 'see' them!  Sweet conversations with the women in the community, spending special time with my Swazi sister, M.J. and getting to know the other women even better too...  Watching the young people on our team love on the children and youth of the community...  literally pouring themselves out and shining the love of Jesus!  A visit to a woman who has become very dear to me over the last 3 trips and who is very ill...

That story deserves some special attention...  I have grown to love this gogo SO much...  Her hugs engulf you, she dances with me when we worship, and during church, she pulls me onto the bench right among the other women of the church...  I just love her!

But today, as I watched and watched for her, she never came...  So I asked MJ about her and found out she is very sick.  And then we learned she is home from the hospital and we went to visit her...  Words will never express the sweetness of what we experienced...  The Swazi women walking in the door singing to her, beautiful praises to Jesus...  And then praying for her...  Praying like I don't hear at home...  Pouring themselves out on behalf of their sweet sister...   And then getting to wrap my arms around her and pray for her also...  If we had done the TOMS shoes today, that never would have happened.  Even when we think it's wrong, it may be PERFECT!!  And it was!!  But please, if you think of E., say a prayer for her healing.

I can't believe this trip is coming to an end... The time here just grows sweeter each time, their love is so tangible, Jesus is so evident in them...  They are just so special.  Tomorrow is our last day here, we leave on Monday...  I am not ready!

Even When We Think It's Wrong...

Just yesterday, our VERY wise friend, E., said, "Even when we think it's wrong, it may be right."  It's almost like God left those words ringing in my heart to prepare me for today.  It's not that today was bad, it was actually a really sweet day, but it just didn't go as planned.

When we arrived, we received some sad news, the pastor's sister-in-law passed away and Pastor and his wife had to leave to go to the funeral.  They had to leave early today and they won't be there tomorrow at all.  I love spending time with them and now it will be such a short time.  But more than that, I had an idea of what this trip would look like...

I thought today we would get to go into the community and meet some families... I thought tomorrow we would do the TOMS shoes distribution...  And I thought Sunday would just be a sweet day of worship and feeding many of the children from the community...  I... I... I... thought...  Many are the plans of a man's heart BUT God directs our paths! 

Today one of the women from the church brought her young son who was so sick.  He's been throwing up and diarrhea for over a week.  But she didn't have the money to take him to the hospital.  Do you know how much she needed for the bus ride and the hospital?  70 Rand...  that's a little over $10!!  $10!!  Yes, she's at the hospital tonight with her son!  Do you know if we had followed my plan, we would have been out in the community at a home?  We would not have been where God needed S, one of our team members, to see this sick child.

I have no idea what these next two days hold...  Tomorrow we will play with the children all day!  And Sunday we will worship, put shoes on possibly more than 400 children and feed them.  I have no idea how ALL of that will happen in the few hours that we have, but God is the author of time, so He can stretch the minutes!  

I am thankful that God sees so much more of the picture than I do and that even when I think it's wrong, it's really just perfect!

Speechless!

I'm not even sure how to describe today...  In many ways I was a spectator, in the right place at the right time to see the hand of God...  But I was a participant too and it's one of those days I never want to forget...

The morning began with a devotion and time of prayer.  As we circled up for prayer, I wrestled with the idea of asking that God would put someone in our path that needed to be seen by Him.  I wrestled because those are the things I read about in books, or on other blogs, but I honestly didn't think God would answer a prayer like that for me...  But I stepped out in faith and that was my prayer request for the day.

Backtrack...  8 years ago, mom and another member of our team, Stan, made their first trip to Swaziland.  On that trip, they met a lady, I'll call her B...  my mom has never forgotten her.  Every time we visit her village, my mom asks about her.  She even has our friend E. call and ask about her from time to time.  But she has never seen her again.

Fast forward...  today we were so blessed to pick up the son and daughter of the family we were visiting so they could go with us.  And as we neared their home, mom and Stan saw a woman who had fallen by the side of the road.  As Stan was about to ask the driver to back up to help her, my mom asked the son about B and he said, "that was her."

After 8 years, God literally put her in our path!  I never imagined that God's answer to my prayer and heaven's bear hug for my mom would be one and the same!  He truly does work in wonderful ways!  The coolest part, when mom got out of the van, she squinted up at my mom and said, "I remember you!"  She is 100 years old!

My faith is so small far too often!  I am so thankful for days like today when God leaves me speechless with wonder!

A Hug From Heaven!

The God who sees...  The God who provides...  The God who loves...  The God who laughs...  I have experienced so many facets of God's character today and what a GRAND adventure it was!!

This is my favorite story though...  Today we visited two homesteads in the community surrounding Heart For Africa's Project Canaan.  When we do the visits, one of the many things we do is to take a couple of items of clothing for each family member.  You'd think I'd learn by now, but I'm always concerned that we'll have the right size items for the children there, we never want one to leave empty handed, and they never do.

But today was really special...  Our list said that one of the children was a 7 year old girl, but in reality, the child was a 7 year old boy instead.  Most of the children's clothing our team had brought was for babies and toddlers, so we were really short on school children's clothing.  But last night, a member of another team gave us a couple of extra items (just in case)...  Yep, you guessed it, the items were shirts that perfectly fit a 7 year old boy!

But the moment that just made my heart sing was when I realized that we had the greatest jacket and t-shirt for the young woman who was caring for her mentally disabled brother and the children in the home.  She had the most beautiful heart.  She was such a GREAT caretaker for him and it was one of those times when you just wish you could give someone the moon because they are so special...  That was this young woman. She didn't ask for anything for herself, but when I handed her an aqua blue jacket and coral t-shirt, you would have thought she won the lottery!  She was SO excited and SO grateful!  And it hit me...  my mom brought that jacket and when she packed it, she had no idea what joy it would bring to a young woman, but God did!

He saw...  He loved...  He gave her a hug from heaven!  And we just got to stand by and watch it all unfold!

Sawubona!

In the story of Hagar in Genesis 16, we find where God met Hagar in the desert of her suffering and this was her response, "So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, 'You are a God of seeing,' for she said, 'Truly I have seen Him who looks after me.'"

Hagar found the courage to persevere because she was confident and strengthened that God saw her.  Today, we are going to visit and spend time with two families whose situations are very dire.  As I think about this day, I can't help but consider the traditional Swazi greeting, how we will greet each family...  Sawubona...  it means 'I see you.'

At the heart of all of us is a desire to be seen, to be recognized.  We will not change situations today, we may offer a small comfort with a new pair of shoes, or a jacket.  We may help provide some food by planting a garden with them, but we will not be able to take them out of their desert of suffering and dramatically change their situation.  But we can follow the example of our Abba Father, and assure them that they are seen.  Not by us, but by Him...  The one that truly matters...  the one who gives each of us value!

I pray that today each member of the family will feel the love of Jesus and know for certain that the God of the Universe has not forgotten them, that He sees them and loves them beyond their wildest imagination!

I am so thankful that I love my God who sees!

An Unexpected Convergence...

Converge:  v. to come together from different directions...  That perfectly describes this trip for me, so far...  When I think about the events in my life that led to the last three days, it was definitely an unexpected convergence!

My life in the US, 50 weeks of every year and my 2 weeks in Swaziland each year, have often felt like two very different lives.  But for the last three days, there have been many times I've forgotten where I was.  For the most part, it's been like a normal day at home...  The creative process...  I sit down, start a jewelry piece...  see another bead that grabs my attention and sparks an idea...  chase that squirrel for a while and eventually find my way back to the original project (or find it in the state I left it in, sometimes days later!).

And that's exactly how I would characterize my last few days in Swaziland.  Beading from sun up to well past sun down...  A mess every where I worked...  For hours at a time, I would zone out in the creative process, but every once in a while, I would look up, look around and remember where I am...

AFRICA...  sleeping in a room with a thatched grass roof...  smashing unwelcome critters in my room (thankfully small ones by Africa standards)...  listening to noises of creatures I can't even begin to identify and a warning sign about a crocodile in my room (the sign was in my room, not the crocodile!)...  Definitely not the usual beading day in the suburbs.

But wow...  never in a millions would I have even thought to imagine these last few days!  It has been wonderful.  I love how God is always working and weaving events together in our lives and we just never know where the paths will converge.  The journey of faith is definitely a GIANT adventure!

Before I Was Formed...

As I'm hanging out in Johannesburg, waiting for tomorrow (SWAZILAND!!!!), I am reflecting back on the words that Pastor Maseko said to our team when we were there last year.  They were profound and it seems the perfect lens to put on as I start another trip...

He quoted from Jeremiah 1:5, "before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart..."  He went on to tell us that before we were formed, God had set us apart for THAT day in his community... that while we were still in our mother's womb, God had a purpose and a plan for us in Swaziland!  I had chills as he spoke to us that day.  That truth brings so much peace!  I don't have to fret and worry about anything, God has a plan and a purpose for me and He will accomplish it!

And as I look to tomorrow and my time back in Swaziland, I am blessed to know that before I was born, God had a plan and a purpose for these days too... that each experience in my life has been a building block to prepare me for the people that I will meet and serve for these next 10 days!  My only responsibility is to wait, watch and obey (under an umbrella of prayer of course!)  I CAN'T wait to see what God has in store for this trip!   

Next stop Swaziland!! 

All In God's Time...

2 weeks from today, I leave for Swaziland!  I'm always excited to go, but this time I am just over the moon! Let me back up a little...  I first went to Swaziland in 2007, I fell in love with the country, but a very special organization grabbed my heart too...  Heart For Africa!  I loved Janine, the director (with her husband Ian).  WOW...  the stories I heard her tell on that first (scary) bus ride, in the rain and fog, in a mad race to cross the border before it closed!  She was fearless...  She was inspiring...  And her love for the people of Swaziland poured out of her (All of that is still true)!  I loved the people who worked for them and I loved their vision.  And as I've watched them grow and change over the years, walking by faith, I continue to love, admire and respect what they do and how well they love the people of Swaziland.

But something has caused me tremendous stress over the years too...  What is my part?  I SO wanted to make a difference, but I'm not a connector, I'm not a fund raiser, and with 4 children (about to have 2 in college), we don't have a lot of extra to give.  I've examined and re-examined my motivations... Do I want something for myself out of this?  Is there pride mixed up in it?  But I keep coming to the same conclusion...  I just love them, there is great need and the bottom line is, I just want to help...

A million times I have wrestled with the question, "Instead of going, should I just give them the money?"  But every time I go to the little community I've fallen in love with, I see what an encouragement it is that we show up each year...  And I can't forget the words of our friend Enoch who said, "We know you love us because you keep coming back."   So every summer, I board a plane and go visit the piece of my heart that I leave behind each year.  If loving them is all I'm supposed to do, then I had to be content with that...  Maybe my part was just to encourage.

But now, I'm starting to see a bigger picture, one that has been 10 years in the making...  It started in a boutique in Gulf Shores, Alabama.  They were selling crystals on sheer ribbon for $36!  I wanted one, but I thought, "That's crazy, I could make that for about $3."  And so my jewelry design business was born, the first time.  But after a short 6 months, a consuming success and 3 small children, I sold it!

Fast forward to the summer of 2010...  I cried most of the bus ride out of Swaziland...  I crossed the border from Swaziland to South Africa, begging God (I know we don't have to beg but I was desperate) "Please, please assure me I can come back next year."  And in the search to figure out how to raise the money to do that, my jewelry design business was 're-born'!

Then, on my trip in 2011, Janine mentioned her vision for a women's center where they could come and learn skills to earn an income, sewing, jewelry making, etc.  JEWELRY MAKING...  maybe someday I could come and teach them, or just sit and make jewelry with them!

And in 2 weeks, THAT'S exactly what I'm going to do!!  And I've learned something important...  You never know what God is doing behind the scenes!  If you are at peace with the path you're on, keep walking by faith, be content with where He has you and trust Him to work out His purposes!

Do I wish I knew lots of people with lots of money to give to Heart For Africa?  ABSOLUTELY!  But I don't...  But I do know how to make a piece of jewelry...  And if God can use that to help even one woman earn some money to feed herself and her family and give her a sense of dignity and accomplishment in the process, then I am THRILLED with what He's gifted me to do!!

We all have a part in this life and I'm thankful that I'm (FINALLY) learning to love who He's created me to be!  Stay tuned...  I'll be blogging from Africa!

Might Need Some Steel Toed Boots...

So I realize that I'm probably about to step on some toes, thus the warning in my title.  But there is something on my heart and my husband, after I talked to him about it, said, "Now there's a blog you need to write."

So here goes...  I was raised in church.  There were some wonderful people at our church (and especially in my family) who exemplified the love and acceptance of Jesus through and through.  If I could find Lloyd Parrish, I owe him a huge debt of gratitude because he was one of those people.  But for some reason, even with some amazing people in my life, I came away from those early church years, terrified of God.

In my mind, He was a BIG, ANGRY God who carried a really big stick and beat you up for every little wrong doing.  So when I committed what I defined as a really BIG sin, I walked away from the church because I was convinced that if He was that angry over the small stuff, He would NEVER forgive the BIG stuff.

I will never forget, years later, how shocked I was to read Romans 2:4, that it is God's kindness that is meant to lead us to repentance.  Seriously, not judgment and condemnation?  I was utterly stunned to learn that faith, specifically the Christian faith, is about a relationship, not a set a rules!  The God of the Universe wants to have a relationship with me!!  And He paid the highest price imaginable by anyone to have that relationship, His very own Son.

Somehow, in all those years of church I missed it.  Again, I'm not blaming anyone, but it makes me stop and take a serious look at some of what I see coming out of the Church in today's society.  Now let me say, not every one is this way...  For all I know, it may only be a very small percentage of the church that ruins the fragrance of Christ, but the fact is, it only takes one bad apple to spoil a bunch and sadly, the clanging symbols are getting far more notice than the ones who are like Mr. Parrish. 

And I've been thinking about this alot in the context of my children...  What are my children learning from me and the people we surround them with, about God?

Sadly, I know what it's like to wallow in sin...  I was the prodigal daughter...  the details don't matter, but I made some terribly wrong choices for a period of time.  And I had a lot...  A LOT...  of shame and guilt to unravel after I became a Christian.

I can remember sitting on our porch in the early days of my blossoming relationship with my Heavenly Father, reading my Bible and weeping.  I would read verse after verse about His love and forgiveness...  His unfathomable grace...  I would be utterly overwhelmed that in spite of it all, He loved me.

During those early days, He immersed me in the truth of His love and I experienced the reality of Isaiah 61:1-3...  How He could turn mourning into joy, bring beauty from the ashes, give a crown of beauty instead of despair.  He surrounded me with the often 'unnoticed' side of the church, the ones who welcome you in and love you, just because.  It wasn't easy to unravel the effects of some of the paths I chose, but in His great mercy, God worked restoration in my soul.  Yes, some times there is sadness...  moments of regret...  memories that I wish I could wipe off the screen of my mind...  But I know where to run in those moments...

But do you know what has been harder to unravel than the effects of those wretched choices I made?

Lace up your boots...

It was the wrong view of God that I had...  Again, I'm not blaming anyone...  For whatever reason, more of the yuck stuck than the overwhelming amounts of good that was poured into my life...  But wow, has it been a journey of unraveling the tendrils of wrong thinking.

What you believe about God impacts how you live...  It affects your joy, your freedom, your love, your generosity, your compassion, your grace for others...  Even if you say you don't believe in God, that impacts how you live...  With a wrong view of who God is, you will never live the abundant life that Jesus gave His very own life for!  Eternal life...  joy...  peace...  satisfaction...  love...  compassion...  grace...  those aren't characteristics of a life we're waiting for someday...  It's what is promised to us right now...  But I'll say it again...  What we believe about God directly impacts what we experience of that life!

If you think that God is all about performance, then you'll spend your life worried and anxious if you're doing enough...  And you'll measure everyone else's performance...  If you think He's all about the rules, you'll never know relationship with Him...  You'll build almost impenetrable walls around your heart...  If you think His justice is greater than His grace, when you make wrong choices, forgiveness will be hard to grasp...  And what you can't receive for yourself...  You'll find impossible to offer to others...  I speak with the authority of experience...

I'll say it simply...  healing from the pit of sin I wallowed in was easier than unraveling my wrong thinking about God.  I think I would rather risk the bad influence of a friend on my children, than the bad influence of a legalist who wrongly represents the truth of who God is...  Shocking?  Don't get me wrong, neither are remotely good...  And I don't think God is soft on sin and I don't think Jesus was soft on sin during His time on earth...  But His harshest words were reserved for the religious people who had the greatest potential to misrepresent the image of God...

Parents...  teachers...  Sunday School teachers...  pastors...  youth leaders...  grandparents...  family members...  friends...  if you call yourself a Christian, what we say and do matters in all of those roles...  Maybe it's time to stop and ask ourselves, what wrong view of God is someone going to have to unravel, because of their experience with me?

God's KINDNESS leads to repentance...  Jesus did not come into this world to condemn the world, but to save the world...  Jesus invites us to bring Him our mess...  He's not afraid to put His hands in the muck of people's lives and just love them and serve them...  And not surprisingly, repentance always seemed to follow His acts of kindness in the gospels  (except of course, from the religious people)  I wonder...  is that what the world knows of Jesus from how we live our lives today?  Do we welcome people and their messes or send them running for cover?

Please, please let's consider if we are rightly representing THE ONE who loves us so well during this glorious Christmas season!

A Sign That Made Me Sad...

On my way home today, I drove past a billboard in front of a small church that said, "Stop Abortion...  Cast Your Vote For Life."

And I was profoundly sad...  don't get me wrong, I am Pro-Life...  and not just for the unborn child, but for the mother too.  If you've never read the statistics, if you've never heard of Post Abortion Stress Syndrome, google it and do some reading...  Abortion doesn't just take the life of an unborn child, it takes the life (emotionally and spiritually) of the mother too.  So I am definitely against abortion.

But sometimes the church sounds so angry...  It rails against abortion, homosexuality...  Ok, I'm stuck, I'm sure there are other things...  but what really seems to stir up trouble are those two topics...  Not gossip...  or adultery...  or addictions... or greed...  or materialism...  or pornography... or, or, or...  They're kind of the two pet issues of the traditionally conservative church (I can say that because I consider myself a part of the traditionally conservative church)...  I just don't like the way we behave sometimes...  ALOT of times...

When I read the gospels, Jesus didn't rail at the same people as we (the church) does today...  He railed at the religious people (Don't believe me? Just read Matthew 23, starting around verse 23...  He called them hypocrites...  blind guides...  hypocrites again...  and again...  whitewashed tombs...  and hypocrites still again.) 

And what did He do for everyone else?  He healed them...  He fed them...  He had compassion on them...  He wept over them...  He forgave them... He loved them...  He gave His very life for them!  In essence, He earned the right to speak into their lives.

Something that a lot of years of parenting finally taught me, you can't change a person's behavior with anger...  by yelling at them... by putting them down...  by bullying them...  And rules without relationship is like a clanging symbol....  it does nothing but annoy...  breed resentment...  foster rebellion...  ultimately it stirs up disdain and hatred.

 Scott and I went with some friends to see Second City, the comedy group.  Not a great experience by any stretch of the imagination...  wouldn't recommend it...  but since we were there, I decided to see what I could learn from it, about the way the world views Christians...  Not a pretty picture!

Now you might be thinking...  Sharla, what would you expect?  And I realize that it's not all us...  But we have to step up and take responsibility for some of it...  Because too often we are trying to force 'rules' on people without loving them and building relationships with them.

Jesus said to the Pharisees (the religious people), "You tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law:  justice and mercy and faithfulness."  (Matthew 23:23)  I wonder if Jesus would have the same words to say to us...  Probably so!

How do we change this culture...  Not by pictures of dead fetuses on signs outside of high schools or on the side of panel trucks or maybe even words on billboards outside of churches.  We change it by loving our neighbor... by friending our children's friends so when they get in trouble, maybe we'll be a safe place for them to come.

My friend Janine who (with her husband) runs Heart For Africa in Swaziland set a beautiful example of how to stop abortion...  A young woman was violently raped at knife point and she became pregnant.  In our country, even if abortion was illegal, some would say it's ok in that circumstance.  I probably would have too, until Janine taught me something different.

She came alongside this woman...  She loved her...  She didn't preach to her about the sin of abortion or murdering a new born...  She offered her an option... She became friends with her...  She walked a hard path with her... she was there for the birth of the child...  She took the baby in...  That's the kind of love that will change a nation...  Not screaming and yelling and hating people who don't agree with our pet issues.  (Yes, I'm preaching to myself too!)

Janine gave that precious girl an option...  Just curious...  How pro-life are you, really?  It's easy to sit on the sidelines and yell at people...  But would you step in and do what Janine did...  any part of it...  would you walk along side her...  help her financially...  be there at any time to go through the birth with her?  Are we as committed to changing a nation as we say we are?  We've tried signs, yelling, self-righteousness, etc for a really long time and the problems are only getting worse...  Maybe it's time to try something different!

Had to Share a Link (With a Few of My Own Thoughts)

I'm going to share a link this morning to a post that will break your heart and fill you with hope at the same time...  But before I do, I want to share a thought...

It is such a touching story.  I love how it demonstrates that God is watching and He cares.  I have to acknowledge though, that I have no doubt some will read her blog and use it as an excuse to bash God...  I can just imagine thoughts like, "Well, if He were such a good God, then why did He allow the girl to be raped in the first place?"  Or "Why did He allow her to become pregnant?"

But before you even go there, let me remind you of something...  Man (and woman) made their choice to live their own way thousands of years ago.  They wanted control...  they thought they new better...  they wanted choices...  So God gave it to them and along with that supposed freedom and choice, we got consequences too!


And my guess is, every single one of us would have made the same choice...  Know how I know?  Because we do it every single day!  We choose our way over God's way...  We think we know better and we have this crazy notion that God is holding something back from us (maybe because too often people make 'religion' more about rules than relationship...  but that's a rabbit trail).


And that's where the mess starts...  when we try and do things our own way!  So let me offer you a different perspective on Janine's blog...  It shows how God can take man's messes and REDEEM them!!  Yes, He allows evil because WE CHOSE it...  He doesn't have to do anything...  But He does!  He sends men and women (like Janine and her family and all of the amazing staff of Project Canaan) right into the depths of our stuff and uses them to work His redemption and restoration!!

I pray that when you read Janine's blog... Hope is what you'll leave with...  and if you shed a few tears for the mother and her pain, or the nation of Swaziland and their pain, that's good too because that's just reflecting the heart of God who weeps at the consequences of our choices!

Live from Swaziland...  It's Saturday Morning

I Wish...

(Author's note...  If you're one of the 9 who caught my tirade in the wee hours of the morning, this first paragraph is the same, but all of the rest is different!)  So I'm a woman...  it's my prerogative to change my mind and I've decided I'm not going to desert my personal blog after all!!  Here's the thing, my heart has been overflowing lately with things I want to write about, but a business blog just doesn't seem to be the right fit for them.  So I've just done nothing...  blogger's block...And as a result, I've decided that from time to time I still want to write here (I'll probably change the look soon) because I still want a place to just say what's on my heart.  My business blog will just have to be for fun stuff, like colors, fashion, quotes, etc., that I'll eventually get to!

I wrote an entirely different post in the wee hours of the morning, but when I woke up, I realized I didn't sound any different than the people I was frustrated with, so I thought I should say it in a different way...  That it might be better to express my feelings as a wish...

I have a friend (a very wise friend) who made the point a while back that Facebook really isn't the place for political comments because there's no way to have a dialogue about it.   I liked her comparison to the street corner evangelist who shouts at you, but you really can't shout back.

But as the political season has worn on, I've found it harder and harder to keep all of my thoughts to myself!  There are just some things I'm intensely passionate about, I guess you might say they're my  "non-negotiables" and when a line gets crossed sometimes, I speak up.

So here's what I wish...

I wish there were a Facebook kind of place where it was safe to open a dialogue about something.  It could be religion, politics, things happening in the world, the news or just something that's been on your mind that you'd love to toss around in discussion for a bit.  I would want it to be a place where you could do this among friends, I'm not really interested in open forums where people swear at you or call you ugly names...  It would be a place where we take the time to really be friends and get to know and understand each other.  I have many friends on Facebook that I wish I could spend more time with, but we're limited by distance and/or time.

Maybe you're thinking, start a small group or something, but I enjoy the variety of friends I have on Facebook...  I want to know and understand different views and opinions, not just the ones that are similar to mine... 

I wish there were a place where I could be passionate about the things that are important to me and not have people just assume that I'm not trusting God...  or that I'm just holding to some line of ultra conservative values...  I read a blog last night that I would have to say in general, I agree with...  but I felt like there were some huge judgments made about people on both sides of the aisle, that are passionate about their beliefs.  Passion about a topic is not synonymous with lack of faith...

I wish there were a place where, before judgments are made, we would have to take the time to know the story behind the passion...  A place where if someone starts out emotional or passionate about a topic we wouldn't hide them or snap back at them (I'm guilty of all of these things) but we would take the time to acknowledge their thoughts...  It might go something like this...  "Hey, this is obviously really important to you, would you tell me more?"

Sadly we live in a world of 'sound bites' and we think we know people, and more importantly, we think we know their hearts, because of a few words...  Maybe it's time to open a real dialogue where we listen to each other...  And I mean really listen...  No assumptions...  no agendas...  A place where it is safe to express views and explore the things that puzzle us...  A place where it's acceptable to challenge beliefs with respect and grace...  A place where we don't have to feel defensive or that we'll offend because we say what's on our hearts...  A place where we agree to assume the best about others instead of arrogantly assuming we know others based on a few words...

I guess this place will never exist... But I can wish!

New Blog!!

I've decided to start a new blog...  I've blogged here for about 4 years now and I had a pretty specific purpose when I started this blog.  I was a new adoptive mom and I wanted, maybe really needed, a place to tell our stories... I guess it was my way of processing.

But the cool thing about this process of adoption and attachment is that I no longer think of myself as an 'adoptive mom,' I'm just mom!  And as the kids are getting older it somehow seems like I should let them tell their own stories, if they choose.

Of course I'll NEVER stop being mom (thank goodness), but as the kids get older, I have more time to focus on other passions of my heart, like my Designing For Hope jewelry business and Swaziland.

I don't know what that will look like over time, but it just seems appropriate to start a new blog to chronicle a new journey.  I admit, I'm kind of sad at the thought of not posting to this blog again (weird the things I get attached to) but I know in my heart that this is the right thing.  If you'd like to keep following, you can find me at

Designing For Hope

And in case you're wondering, it won't be a blog that's all about promoting my business!  In fact, that's just a small part of it, but I want it to be a blog that's about hope!  Life is full of hope...  If you think about it, it's what moves us from one moment to the next, so I want to write about the things that give me hope...things that make me smile...things that make me want to get up and do a happy dance!

So thank you for being my 'cyber' friend these last few years...  I hope you'll join me on the next part of this journey! Many blessings to you!!

Africa: Gratitude

I love what Africa does to my heart...  I'm finally learning not to take so much for granted...

Last night I hugged Mackenzie good night…  she jumped back in pain and tears came to her eyes…  she was in terrible pain from her ear, it was radiating down into her jaw, but she had been trying to wait and see if it got better…  I looked at the clock and realized there was still time to take her to Urgent Care…  (In Swaziland, a mother in a similar circumstance, in a rural area, like the one I go to each year, would have had to wait till morning…most likely with nothing to help relieve her child’s pain…or her own concern about why the pain was so bad)

I got my keys to my car…  I knew I had plenty of gas, I had just used a wonderful plastic card yesterday afternoon to stop at a pump to fill it full, I didn’t even have to think about how I would get to the Urgent Care… It was a little warm outside, so I turned on the air conditioning to be sure Mackenzie was comfortable for the short 5 mile ride to Urgent Care… (In Swaziland, the mom would have to figure out a way to get to the clinic…  The  5 mile ride would most likely be a 5 mile walk (one way) for her and her sick child…  In the area we serve in, not only would there be the walk, but the fear of walking the road through the sugar cane field where dangerous men sometimes hide…  If she knew the kind pastor who could give her a ride, there would be no guarantee that he had petrol (gas) to fill his truck to take her)…

We went into a nice clean clinic, we were seen quickly by the doctor…  Sure enough, red, swollen, infected enough to have bubbles of pus…  No wonder her ear hurt so badly…  Again, I used a great little plastic card to pay and left relieved that my daughter would soon have some relief! 

We went across the parking lot to the 24 hour pharmacy and waited inside while the doctor emailed the prescription.  While we waited the oh so long (sarcasm) 15 minutes…  We distracted ourselves with looking at shades of tinted chapstick and we giggled at fun colors of polish for our toenails…  (What little I know about medical clinics in Swaziland, the mom might have waited a good portion of a day to be seen…  I have no idea if there would have been medicine, I assume so, but I know there’s no 24 hour pharmacy with chap stick and nail polish!) 

Mackenzie just got up and her ear still hurts really bad, but I know that with a few more doses of medicine, she’ll feel better soon.  What about the child whose mother can’t get him to the medical clinic?  Where does his relief come from?  What happens to his ear?)

I’ve thought before about the privilege of living in the US, but what hit me last night are all the little things I take so for granted…  Urgent Care, gas in my car, air conditioning, 24 hour pharmacies where you can giggle while you wait…  Safety getting to the clinic…  Easy access to medications for most of whatever ails us…  I could go on and on…  There is SO much we have to be thankful for in this country…  I think when I feel like complaining about anything…  I’m going to look for a blessing instead, something that I normally would take for granted…  I’m certain I won’t have to look very far!

Africa: Simple Math!

 (Add some maize flour, sugar beans and 18 bags of frozen chicken and you have the ingredients to feed 600+ people!!)

(Before I write anything, I want to promise you… I am not on a guilt trip and I am NOT trying to send anyone else on one either.  If I could talk to you face to face, what you would find is a broken heart…  Not judgment, self-righteousness or self-condemnation.  But here’s the thing…  Hebrews 4:12 says that “The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”  Sometimes, I just have to let the Word of God do its work in my heart…  Even if it hurts…  So here goes!)

This morning I was reading Psalm 72…  I’m sorry to say that I wasn’t familiar with Psalm 72…  WOW, how have I missed this one?

Some believe that King Solomon wrote this Psalm, others believe that it was King David’s prayer for his son, Solomon…  But ultimately, it is a look at what a kingdom would look like ruled by a righteous and just king…  And only Jesus fully fits that description.

As I hung out with the Psalm a while, it struck me that a repeated characterization of a kingdom ruled by a righteous king is characterized by care for the poor and needy…

Well, Jesus made it clear when He came that He was ushering in that kingdom…  It is a kingdom that begins in the heart of a Christian, who claims Jesus as their King, and it is our calling to make that kingdom visible in the world…

And here’s something that really struck me, vs. 15 says, “Long may he live; may gold of Sheba be given to him!”  Charles Spurgeon writes, “How gladly would we give him all that we have and are, and count the tribute far too small.”  The gold that we give to our King are the blessings He’s entrusted to us!

So how are we doing (as the church)?  Even harder to ask, how am I doing?

All I have to do is sit in my chair and look around and I can tell you, I’m not doing so well.  I see waste and extravagance everywhere I look…  I don’t even want to think about what I can’t see from where I sit…our pantry…our closet…there’s not a place in this house to escape it!

Using Heart For Africa’s Gift Catalog (www.heartforafrica.org) and Samaritan’s Purse Catalog (www.samaritanspurse.org) I decided to walk around our house and do some simple math…  I’m only using extras…  things we don’t use…  I don’t think it’s wrong to enjoy God’s blessings… What is breaking my heart though is how I’ve wasted God’s blessings on extravagance…  THAT’S what HAS to change in my life…  So let’s go for a walk…

$350 for 2 of 4 lamps that are rarely used would provide care for an orphan for 10 months (at $35/month)

$100 for my running/walking shoes that are RARELY used for their intended purpose would buy 2 bags of maize flour, feeding 500 people!

2 of 5 Gap black t-shirts at $12 each…  (A Gap black t-shirt is my uniform, I wear one most days but I have a washing machine for crying out loud!)  Those 2 extra t-shirts would buy 4 blankets for a child who is cold.  (I don’t even want to think about how much has been wasted on clothes in general…  There are only so many days in a week…)

The $48.95 sandals that I just HAD to have for a party…  10 weeks worth of milk for a child…  OUCH

There's SO many 'little' things I could list...  Too many lipsticks...  Nail polishes...  Eye shadows...  Hair products...  Brushes...  If I start opening drawers there is $3 - $5 - $10 wasted all around me...  And as you can see from the photo above...  A 'little' goes a LONG way in some countries!

And then here’s one that really hurts…  The community I love so much desperately needs a well…  the $10,000 it cost to increase the size of our family room and second floor playroom (a room to play in...  REALLY?!  That just sounds SO absurd to me right now).  That would have built that well, or an entire house for a family...  Add $5,000 to it and it would have built a classroom, a soup kitchen to feed hungry children…  Now I’m a little sick to my stomach.  Do I love our family room?  Yes…  Was it wrong to do it?  Honestly, right at this moment, I don’t know how to answer that...  I want to say no, but is that really the right answer?  Do we need all that extra space?  Nope!  Could we have had better reflected God’s kingdom by making a different decision?  ABSOLUTELY… 

And isn’t that REALLY what it comes down to?  As a Christian, it’s all about how I reflect the kingdom of heaven!  If someone who knew nothing about God, walked into my house today, they might think that God’s kingdom is all about stuff…  indulgence…  extravagance …waste… 

And that is a POOR reflection of my King whom I love!  HE’S all about caring for the poor and needy…  Redemption and restoration…

Let me leave you with this…  If I say I have a heart for others to know Jesus,  this Psalm tells me how!

Vs 11 says this… “May all kings fall down before him, all nations serve him!”  And vs. 12-14 tell us how that happens…  “For he delivers the needy when he calls, the poor, and him who has no helper.  He has pity on the weak and the needy, and saves the lives of the needy.  From oppression and violence he redeems their life, and precious is their blood in his sight.”

If I really want to make Jesus known to the nations (the US included) I need to put some serious feet on my faith…  My life needs to better reflect the reality of the kingdom of God, including in my home and in my buying decisions…  To borrow from Josh Wilson, “Something’s gotta change!”

“Blessed be His glorious name forever, may the whole earth be filled with His glory!  Amen and Amen!”  (vs. 19) 

Africa: The Power of Praise

(I usually like to keep my posts shorter, but this one needed to be a little longer to be able to tell the story…)

So for a while, I’ve been reading through the Psalms…  It’s taken me a while because sadly, I am not the most consistent person in the world, but I love how by God’s grace, when I find my way back to where I left off, it’s always EXACTLY what I need to be reading!

Over the last two days, I’ve read Psalms 68 & 69, and the thing that has struck me is the consistent message to praise…  In the face of enemies, trials, struggles, suffering…  Praise Him!!

In Psalm 69, David is lamenting about his enemies and in verses 30-31 he writes, “I will praise the name of God with song.  I will magnify Him with thanksgiving.  This will please the LORD more than an ox or a bull with horns and hoofs.”

Why does God desire our praise more than our sacrifices?  I am CERTAIN that He doesn’t need them to affirm who He is…  He is perfectly humble, so it’s not rooted in pride…  There must be something about praise that is best for His children!

The thing that hits me over and over in Scripture, a principle if you will, is that praise seems to call the presence and power of God…  My favorite story related to this is in 2 Chronicles 20 when King Jehoshaphat puts the singing men in front of the army to lead Israel into battle and they routed the enemy!  But it’s in other places too…

Praise calls us to remember who God is and in the face of trials, it helps us remember that our God is WAY bigger than our circumstances…  Ultimately, praise chases away worry and fear and fixes our eyes on God…  the only ONE with whom NOTHING is impossible!!

On Sunday morning, as we set off to distribute TOMS shoes, we learned that we were missing 105 pairs of the smallest sizes of shoes.  It wasn’t anyone’s fault.  It’s just that there was really no way anyone could have guessed how many children would show up to receive shoes…  Across 11 churches, there were about 6000 children who came.  It was the first time Heart For Africa had done this shoe distribution, so there was no way to know what sizes would be needed…  Sadly, there are FAR more younger children than anyone ever imagined.

So I was worried…  a little sick to my stomach…  As the team leader, I needed to put on a brave face, but I wasn’t feeling very brave.  How would we tell 500 children they could have their shoes, but 100+ they couldn’t?  How would we explain this to our sweet pastor who trusted us to do what we said we would do when he invited his entire community?  This had the potential to be a very bad situation…  I wasn’t fearful from a physical standpoint, I was heartbroken over how once again, people who had been let down so many times, might view this as more of the same old same ol’…

So as I got into the van, the story of when Lazarus died came to mind (John 11)…  Jesus delayed so that God might be glorified…  God often is most visible and glorified through hard times!  I was reminded of 2 Chronicles 20, that I just mentioned…  So I asked M., the incredible young man with the guitar to lead us in a time of praise, after he gave his devotion.

For 30-45 minutes he played and led us in praise…  Worry, fear, anxiety disappeared…  In its place a certainty that God was going to do great things!

And that’s exactly what happened!  We watched as God ‘loafed and fished’ shoes…  We didn’t turn away a single child!  One young girl came to me because her shoes were too tight…  It was the end of the day, we had given away almost all we had so we didn’t have her size, and we had gone one size smaller…  I started frantically pulling shoes out of boxes, heartbroken that I would have to send her away…  But then someone put a pair of shoes in my hand, and they fit her perfectly!  I don’t know where they came from…  We had already searched all the boxes for her size…  But there they were!!  Oh happy Day!

I watched as the teenagers in our group had their faith increased… experiencing similar stories…  shoes that should have never have fit…  FIT!!  Who but God!

For the younger children, who had had no shoes for, we were able to give them clothes!  On all my trips, we have never had so many smaller clothing sizes…  But between the dresses that Dress A Girl Around the World sent with me and the clothes that the students had brought, no one went away empty handed!  No one was upset…  there was a sweet, sweet spirit all day…  

And one other sweet blessing came out of our situation…  I’ve learned over the years that what a friend of mine says is true…  “People are like toothpaste tubes, you don’t really know what’s in the tube until it gets squeezed!”  And we put our pastor in a potentially really BAD situation.  He trusted us and invited all of the community…  It was his name and reputation on the line, as much as TOMS and Heart For Africa and Pastor was amazing!  He was wasn’t angry with us, he was just heartbroken for the children.  God used this situation to give us a sweet glimpse of pastor’s heart and how much he loves those children! 

We could have walked into that situation wringing our hands in fear and worry…  But with praise, we were reminded that God is WAY bigger than the circumstances…  I don’t understand how it works, I only know that it does…  There really is power in praise!

Africa: Home... Kind Of!

I didn't mean to drop off the map and not post about our last day in the community, but as I typed the other night, I kept falling asleep...  I was SO tired!

We worked so hard that last day...  We put shoes on SO many feet!  What a blessing!!  Every one of them had a hot meal and we worshiped!!  It was an amazing day...

But my experience this time was profound...  I need time to process it...  I'll keep writing about it...  I still want to post photos...  But it may take me a few days.  A part of me wants to run from my experience...

What do you do with the reality of 600+ children in a small rural area who are hungry and thirsty?  What do I do with the fact that no matter how many gardens we plant with them, they don't have water to make them grow in a drought?

Where in my heart and mind do I reconcile that some children walked 15+ miles for a pair of shoes?  Some of them on a road that is surrounded by sugar cane on either side...  Criminals will hide there and I can't even imagine the horrors they inflict...  Pastor just said they do evil things...  I would imagine that's an understatement...  He smiled when I said I just wished the black mambas would get the bad guys!

But seriously, what do I do with the reality of that?  Would you walk 15+ miles, and risk your life, for a pair of shoes and a hot meal?  What do I do with that kind of desperation?
 
We are home...  but a piece of my heart is still in Swaziland...  So if home is where the heart is, I guess I'm just home, kind of...