A Call That Made My Day...

For some reason, coming home from Swaziland this time has been the hardest yet...  I've just been so stinkin' sad about what I learned this time...  Funny, while I was there, I had so much fun with them...  But coming home, as I've had time to really process our conversations, I'm overwhelmed with the depth of the need there and the obstacles they face...

And of course, all of that need costs money...  It cost to go there...  It cost to help them with resources...  And that feels overwhelming too...

But in the midst of it all, some really cool things have been happening and God's been busy reminding me that He still owns the cattle on a thousand hills...

On Tuesday I learned that in a Silent Auction, that Ruby's Gift (on Selwyn Avenue), held for me right before I left, raised $245!!  Guess what the deposit amount is to open a trip account at Heart For Africa?  $250!  (Ruby's Gift is a GREAT gift shop that features only local artists...  Stop by sometime, it is a really fun place to shop!)


That same day, I received my acceptance letter into a really big juried art festival in September...

Yesterday, I stopped by another gift shop (Honeysuckle) where I have a booth for my jewelry and was stunned when she gave me my check for July...  I thought July was going to be a terrible month...  But it was my 2nd best so far!!

In the evening, I happened to check my website and realized a sale had come through while I was gone...  when I e-mailed her to apologize for the delay in getting her order to her, she said her friend had received one my necklaces as a birthday gift and that's how she found out about my jewelry!  Referrals are such a good sign for a business!

And then the phone call that made my day...  One of Zack's good friends called looking for him, I'll call him C...  C is a great young man and very talented...  He leads worship and wow, can he can sing!  Since Zack was at soccer practice, C said, "Mrs. M..., I've been wanting to talk to you...  In a few weeks my first CD is coming out and I'd like to donate a portion of my profits to your next trip to Africa."

I was stunned...  I wasn't even sure what to say...  At 17, I was all about me...  I wanted to make (and spend) all that I could...  It would have never occurred to me to give it away!

And in that moment God taught me something...  He will move in willing hearts and He WILL accomplish His purposes, I just need to keep taking one step at a time, praying and trusting that God will provide what is needed!

Well, I told C that I would be honored for him to donate to my next trip, but would he be willing to pray about something first... I am not a non-profit and while you can contribute to my trips through Heart For Africa, which is a non-profit...  Heart For Africa is the one that people need to be pointed to...  God is doing amazing things through them in Swaziland!

I also told him about the community that I've grown to love and I told him about their need for a well...  And that seemed to really touch his heart...  So we are in the process of exploring if we can do the well through HFA...  If so, God may have just opened the door, and started providing the resources for this community to get the water they so desperately need...  I had been praying and asking God for clear direction about whether or not to pursue raising funds for a well...  And He answered through a selfless 17 year old young who was willing to hear his Father's voice and follow...

2 Corinthians 9:8 says, "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

God will accomplish His purposes...  He will equip me, and Heart For Africa, and that awesome community in Swaziland, and YOU... for every good work that He has planned...  I definitely need to memorize that verse and hang on to it!!

Tomorrow I'll tell you about some VERY special visitors that will be here later today!!!  It's going to be a GREAT day!!  (And when C's CD is available in a few weeks, I'll let you know that too!)

A GREAT Story!!

One of the things about adopting an older child that I have found to be particularly challenging is teaching her about God and Jesus...  How do you explain God to a child who has never heard of Him and (in the beginning) doesn't speak the same language?  Over the last couple of years she has asked MANY good questions like...  Is Jesus coming for His birthday party?  How old is He?  How old is God?  Who is God's daddy?  And if God made us, then who made God?  Pretty amazing questions for one so young...

But I have to admit, I've been a little discouraged because when I talk to her, I'm just not sure she really understands...

So today she came home from school and sat down with me to do her homework...  I was working on jewelry and she was supposed to be writing her spelling her words when she looks up and says, "There's a little girl in my class who doesn't believe in God."

Me...'Really?  That's pretty sad.'

Abby... "So I asked her, 'Then who made the world?'"

Me..."Well what did she say?"

Abby... "She told me it grew....  Now mommy, isn't that silly?!"

Me...  "Do you understand why it's silly?"

Abby...  "Not really"

Me...  So I picked up a bead and I said, "Abby, can this bead decide to become an earring, all on its own?"

Abby with a giggle...  "No mommy..."

Me...  "You're right...  It needs a creator, or a designer, to make something of it.  That's just like the world...  We needed a Creator...  We couldn't just make ourselves on our own."  (Now I admit, I didn't go down the path of trying to teach how God created from nothing...  I'll save that mind boggling truth for another day!)

Abby...  "So it really was silly.  Well then I asked her if she knew what the Bible is...  But I don't think she does...  And do you know, she believes that Santa Claus is God!  That doesn't even make sense!"

I don't know when these little seeds started to take root, but I couldn't be more thrilled that she feels strongly enough about the beginnings of her faith that she's willing to take a stand for it!  How cool it is to watch faith as it begins to grow!!

Since I've been very remiss in posting photos lately, here's a few from our Christmas Tree Cutting this year...  It amazes me how quickly they're growing!

That's our 12 year old daughter walking with her over 6 foot dad!

The Best Christmas Present... Maybe Ever!

So I wish I had a picture to show you... I wish I could take the image that is forever burned on my heart but it was one of those moments when I was afraid to move to get the camera...  I was afraid to breathe...  For fear that I would somehow disrupt the gift that was occurring right before my eyes...

Every year on Christmas Eve, Scott reads the Christmas story from Luke 2...  We talk about what Jesus did for us, and each year as the kids get older, we challenge them more and more to think about why Jesus left the glory of heaven...the infiniteness of living in the Spirit... and confine Himself to space and time and flesh.

Abby really struggles when we get into conversations that she doesn't understand...  I think it probably disrupts her sense of belonging and that's understandable, but it's that balance of nurturing our older children and having grace for her circumstances that can be so difficult.

I guess after sitting still for over an hour during our Christmas Eve service (which was OUTSTANDING as usual) and then being asked to sit still again as Scott read the story of Jesus' birth, was just too much.  She pulled her hood over her head and refused to listen.

Now she was sitting where I couldn't see her, so Scott and I had no idea what was going on...  But it really upset my grandmother, who is 97 years old.  After Scott finished, I heard her say to my mom, "Why did Abby cover her head?  I would not allow her to do that."  At first I felt a little defensive, 'well, neither would I if I had had any idea it was happening..."  But I sat quietly and started to watch as these events unfolded...

My grandmother called her over to her...  Abby was reluctant at first but she went to her and let Mama H. pull her close.  I kind of held my breath because my grandmother really doesn't understand the nuances of dealing with an adopted older child, but it turned out to be one of the most Spirit filled moments I've ever experienced...  She demonstrated more grace and understanding than I ever would have mustered...

Very gently, my grandmother asked her why she had covered her head and refused to listen.  Of course, Abby didn't have an answer...  So Mama H. began to explain what Jesus did for us.  "Abby, Jesus died on the cross for our sins.  We're all sinners, even children and He died to save us.  So we need to listen to the story of His birth."

She talked to her about how Jesus loved her and she said, "I know you love Him too because He died for me and for you."  And then she said, "Abby, when Pop (that was my grandfather who passed away...but she was really talking about Scott)...  when Pop reads the Christmas story next time, you'll listen right?"  Abby nodded her head and Mama H. pulled her close into a hug and said, "I knew you would, you're such a sweet girl and I love you."

It's funny, in all these years, I've never heard my grandmother so passionate about Jesus and what He did for us...  I've heard her share her testimony...  I have no doubt about who her heart belongs to, but as the generations before us often are, she has always been a little more private about her faith.

But tonight took my breath away...  She was upset that Abby showed such disrespect for the story of Jesus' birth...  Yet, she showed such grace and love as she shared her faith with her...  As I sat and watched in utter awe and wonder...  as I considered how there was no doubt that this was a God ordained moment, led by the Spirit... I thought, "It would not surprise me in the least if someday, maybe in 2 years...maybe in 20...  Abby remembers how her 97 year old grandmother shared the gospel with her and planted a seed in her heart that took root in a great love for Him."

No matter what earthly gifts lay under the tree for tomorrow...  God has already unwrapped the greatest Christmas present... Maybe ever (except of course for the birth of His Son...)  It's 12 A.M. right now... Merry CHRISTmas!

Full Circle...

One of the leaders at Heart For Africa emailed our November team and said he had a hard time sleeping last night, so he took the photos that I took on our last trip to Swaziland and made a slideshow...  I'm going to post it first, but if you want to know why it took my breath away, you'll have to read on afterwards...  He did an incredible job with the slideshow...

It's been almost a year, but on January 4, 2009, I posted my first entry of the New Year, this is what I wrote...

"Each year I like to ask myself the question, "What do I want God to do in my heart this year?" I guess that could sound a little presumptuous, God will do as He sees fit, but I hope that the longing that He gives me each year, is from Him…a burden for something in my life that needs changing.

Over the last months, since our adoption, God has continued to show me how hard my heart still is and lately, I have found myself longing for God to break my heart...

Over Christmas, I was on IT*nes, trying to find some new groups that I would enjoy listening to and I stumbled across a song by Brandon Heath, it really spoke to my heart. Here are the lyrics…

"Looked down from a broken sky Traced out by the city lights My world from a mile high Best seat in the house tonight Touched down on the cold black tile Hold on for the sudden stop Breath in the familiar shock Of confusion and chaos  All those people going somewhere? Why have I never cared?

Step out on a busy street See a girl and our eyes meet Does her best to smile at me To hide what’s underneath There’s a man just to her right Black suit and a bright red tie Too ashamed to tell his wife
He’s out of work He’s buying time  All those people going somewhere? Why have I never cared?

I’ve Been there a million times A couple of million eyes just move and pass me by I swear I never thought that I was wrong Well I want a second glance  So give me a second chance To see the way you see the people all alone

Give me your eyes for just one second Give me your eyes so I can see Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity Give me your arms for the broken hearted The ones that are far beyond my reach Give me your heart for the once forgotten"

Too often I find that my heart doesn’t break for the brokenness of humanity and that makes me sad. But I believe that Mr. Heath has the right idea…we need to pray for God’s eyes to see.

He created a perfect world…He gave us a tremendous gift and we wrecked it…that must grieve His heart…so it should grieve mine too. I need His eyes to see…His heart to feel…His love to give…His selflessness to sacrifice.

I have so far to go and yet, I am His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10), a work in progress, being crafted by the hand of the Master… I am no where near where He wants me, but I’m so far from what I used to be!

I pray that when this time rolls around next year, my heart will be more tender, more compassionate, more full of mercy and overflowing with His love and grace…I pray that I will see more with His eyes each and every day.

Many blessings in the New Year!

When I started watching the slideshow and the Brandon Heath song started playing, it took my breath away...  As the New Year rolls around,  I have no doubt that God has been answering that prayer...  I'm not all the way there yet, not even close, but it was this last trip to Africa that He used to break my heart for those in distress, like never before...  He is giving me eyes to see, like never before... He is bringing the year full cirle...  I just love how God is intimately involved in the details of our lives!!

We Have SO Turned A Corner!!

I have no idea what's changed, but Abby has for sure!!  More and more her hugs have been warmer, she actually hugs back...  She gives them freely at bedtime, she doesn't get upset when I kiss her on the head and last night at the soccer game, when she got cold, she came and sat close to me and let me snuggle her up and rub her arms...  AMAZING...

She plays with me and teases me almost constantly and tonight, when Scott came home, she was so excited to see him.  She was holding his hand, so I went over and hugged him on the other side and the next thing I knew she was giggling and pushing me away, just like Mackenzie used to do when she was little!

After over a year, she is really starting to feel like my little girl...  Wow... I can't even begin to describe the feeling that goes with this...  In the last couple of weeks, her little personality has become more and more free...she's so joyful and such a joy to be around.

To experience a child giving their hearts to you is breathtaking beyond words...  When you give birth to a child, it happens so quickly, you have so many opportunities to create that love and trust with them.  But when you adopt an older child, it is such a different process...  It is truly one of perserverance, faith and hope.

Once again it makes me think of my Abba Father...  He loves us so patiently...He perserveres...He meets us right where we are, over and over...  And He waits for us to give our whole hearts to Him because giving your heart over to Him can be so hard, especially if you were spiritually adopted older (became a Christian later in life).  But when I think of the joy I'm experiencing right now...the utter delight...I'm overwhelmed at thinking how much pleasure we must bring Him.

He loves us so perfectly and so purely...  His longing for us is never motivated out of anything selfish...  He doesn't need us for anything...  He just loves us!  WOW...

 I am overwhelmed at the miracle God has worked in her precious little heart... Love truly does break down walls!

She Wants To Go To China...

Abby has had a nasty virus for the last few days, out of school since Thursday, she and I even missed church today, but we've had fun just hanging out together...  Lots of Trouble (the game...she loves to call herself the Trouble Queen because she always wins, but everyone gets a chuckle out of that one!)... Pick-up Sticks (which she's amazing at) and lots of movies...  Some really good ones.  (And Abby is better, she'll go back to school tomorrow.)

But last night, she started talking to me about wanting to go back to China.  Whenever we've had this conversation in the past, for some reason I feel a little defensive because I think she's asking me to go back, because she likes it better there...

Last night though I finally wised up and asked her what she would like to do if we could go back...  I LOVED her answer...  She wanted to have a pillow fight, blow bubbles and go to the park on the roof...  My heart just melted!  Those were all of the first things we did with her in China!!  (And of course we have tons of bubbles here and parks and I guess I'll have to arrange a pillow fight...)

I sometimes wonder how we're doing... I think we're making progress, but for some reason I just get insecure sometimes.  And life is so busy, I can't help but wonder if we're hurting the attachment process...  But what a tremendous moment of encouragement...  We may not be doing this perfectly, but God is honoring the desire of our hearts and continuing to break down the walls of her heart...

She Has An Eye For Beauty, But How Do You Explain...?

Abby has an incredible eye for beauty...  This morning as I was taking her to school, she pointed at the sky and said, "Mommy, look...so pretty!"  As the sun was coming up, it was beautiful...those incredible shades of pink against the soft blue of the fading darknesss...  Light overcoming darkness (now there's a whole different post!)...

But as we pulled into school and sun was further up in the sky, the colors were even more spectacular...  So I said Abby, "God painted us a picture!  Isn't He a great colorer?!"  (She LOVES to color!)  "Yes mommy, God knows everything doesn't He?"  And then for the zinger..."Where does God come from?  I know He lives in the sky in heaven...  But where does He come from?  Who is His daddy?"

Wow...  Such questions from a 7 year old!  How do you explain that God was before all things...that He has no start and no ending...that He is not a created being...that He has existed for all eternity... That is too big for me to wrap my brain around, I have no clue how to put that into words for a child.  There's so much about our beliefs that require so much faith... 

It's always interesting to me to hear sceptics accuse those of us with faith as being weak and needing a crutch...  The kind of faith we are called to have is anything but weak and small, it takes far more courage than one who puts their faith in themselves or in the concrete things of this world.  I pray that someday God will give Abby the gift of faith!

But I will say, I love her questions because they cause me to stop and ponder this AMAZING God I love, who is so vast and so magnificent that He is completely unexplainable and such a good colorerer!  Take a minute today to stop and be amazed by how you see God around you!

But We Need...

So now that I'm over being mad at the rain (I followed Donna's suggestion and listened to my IPOD in my red taxi today!!) I'll tell you a quick story from the night before last...

I forget why we were so late getting ready for bed, but I sent the girls upstairs, finished whatever I was doing and was getting ready to go tuck them in when Abby peaks through the stair railings and says, "You coming upstairs? We need our hugs!" Yep, you read that right... Abby...the one who has resisted hugs since day 1 said, "We need our hugs!"

I smiled and said, "Oh really, you need your hugs?" To which she grinned and said, "I just kidding." No you weren't sweet one... In the moment, you let your guard down and gave me a glimpse of what's really growing in your heart!! Now that will hold me for a LONG time!!

Jesus' Favorite Color? (Updated with an answer to a question - the update is in red)

It was sweet listening to Mackenzie try and explain Easter to Abby yesterday. We were on our way to church for our Maundy Thursday service, where we take time to remember Jesus' last night before His crucifixion on Friday, and Abby wanted to know why we were going to church in the middle of the week.

And once again, we found ourselves in the dilemma of explaining Jesus to a child who doesn't have a complete grasp of our language and who really has no concept of who Jesus is and what He did for us...yet.

I got tickled as I tried to listen through her ears and her little mind... (Mackenzie) "Well, we're going to church because Jesus died..." (Abby) "He died?" (Mackenzie) "He died, but then He came to life again." (Abby) "He...?" (Mackenzie) "3 days later He rose...He came to life again." (Abby) "Oh..."

You could just see the little wheels turning, trying to figure out exactly what we were talking about... I tried to explain to her that it happened 2000 years ago and that we just take time to remember because He loved us so much.

Well then we got the brilliant idea to try and explain to her about Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, how they disobeyed God...how that caused us to be separated from Him and because He loved us so much He wanted to make a way for us to come back to Him... So Jesus allowed Himself to be killed, to take the punishment for what we did, and now someday we can go and live in heaven with Him!

Yea... a little much...but how do you explain the greatest gift in the history of mankind?! I just don't think it's something you can put into words, it's something she will come to understand, over time, in her heart.

I was a little concerned about how this conversation was going...she got really quiet for a while and then I hear, "Mommy, I think I'd like to go to heaven someday.... What do you think Jesus' favorite color is?"

I don't know why but that question has captured my heart... Jesus is becoming so real to her!

(UPDATE... My friend April asked a good question in her comment... why Abby wanted to know what Jesus' favorite color is... Abby LOVES color...she has a beautiful eye for color and it's very important to her to know what colors we like...she often asks me to choose colors that I love when she is making me a bracelet or a picture...so that's why it said to me that Jesus was becoming very real to her...it's a question that she often asks of people who are important to her.)

Last night, Mackenzie had a friend sleepover and so I let them stay up a little later than usual... When it was time for them to go to bed, Mackenzie said, "Can I keep reading to Abby?"... "Sure...what are you reading to her?" ... "The story of Adam and Eve and now I want to read her the story of Jesus and the cross... I'm reading to her from the Rhyming Bible since it's easier to understand."

Sweet Mackenzie went back to the beginning, she took time to simplify it, even when she had a good friend over, she was concerned that Abby understand what Jesus did for us!

Happy Easter... May we all take the time to remember what Jesus did for us!

Just Amazing!!

Tonight was one of those amazing moments that takes your breath away with an older child adoption...

We have been home for 6 months and tonight, when we sat down for dinner, Abby said, "I wanna say blessing!"

We bowed our heads and there was a long, silent pause... I thought, "Maybe she's not sure what to say, so I'll just give her the words." So I said, "Dear God..." And Abby said, "I do it!"

And pray she did!! I couldn't understand every word but here's what I managed... "Dear God, Zack...safe...soccer (he was at soccer practice)...safe...tomorrow...good day (we're going snow tubing)...thank you for food. Amen."

Her words say it all!!

A milestone moment for a milestone post! (My 100th post!)