Sweet Security...

So first, it's been so good to hear from some of you! I feel like I'm catching up with old friends!! I didn't mean to drop off the planet, but the last couple of months of teaching Revelation was so hard, it consumed my time and thoughts.

I'll tell you more in another post, but this was my last year as Teaching Director for our CBS class. After my trip to Africa in November, I clearly sensed God leading me in a different direction, so I finished the year, but starting in the fall, I will be on to new things! I'm really excited, but as I said, I'll save that for another post!!

I just wanted to take a minute and share something else about Abby that has been really obvious the last few days...

Abby has a tendency sometimes to get overly excited about something and she tries to take control of some situations. It's almost like she forgets she's 8 and tries to tell me what to do. I don't think it's malicious or disrespectful, because it's always at times when she's either excited or trying to be helpful.

But sometimes when I'm tired, or focused on getting something done, I respond a little more sharply than I should and that happened twice yesterday. The minute the words were out of my mouth, I cringed because my tone sounded harsh and for some reason I'm so afraid of that feeling like rejection to her.

So each time yesterday I waited to see how she would respond. I didn't really do anything to warrant an apology, but I was willing to step in if I needed to reassure her. I think I really expected her to withdraw from me...

But I was blown away by how she handled it... Both times, it was almost like she took a minute to reconsider her approach and then jumped right back into the situation, handling it in an appropriate way. She seemed to understand that she had gone too far and was willing to take my response as correction, but not as rejection.

As I thought about that last night, I realized how far we've come! Abby is so secure now! She knows I'm her mommy... She seems to understand, with all of her heart, that I love her and she is finally letting that love penetrate her heart.

But you know, it's occurred to me more than once during this journey, that like Abby, I have a hard time receiving love from others, especially God's love. His love is so great and so undeserved that sometimes I think I just don't allow the magnitude of it to penetrate my heart and soul. But wow, when I take some time to soak in it, life just looks different!

I am so thankful that Abby is finding her security with us... That she really gets that we love her unconditionally... And I pray that God will use our love to teach her what His love is like, because our love for her is just a taste of His lavish and abundant love...

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

Finally Back...

I guess it seems like I just completely dropped out of the blog world, and I guess I did, but WOW, it's been a crazy couple of months...

There's so much I want to update you on (if I still have any readers), but I'll do that over the next week or so, today I just wanted to tell you about Abby...

Before I do that though, one sweet bloggy friend sent me a note during my absence and I just wanted to say thank you K... You were a real encouragement!

So, about Abby... We have a new neighbor! They're a sweet family and their 5 year old daughter (I'll call her 'M') has really latched on to Abby. They play great together and she's over at our house most days.

It's been interesting though to watch Abby in this new situation. Abby can really hold her own with her older siblings, but for some reason, she has a harder time with miss 'M'...

'M' is not shy at all and when she's over, she goes and gets whatever she wants to play with (I'm totally fine with that, I like for the kids on our street to feel at home here, within reason) but sometimes she gets something that is really special to Abby, specifically her little Asian baby doll that we gave her when she first came home.

Abby has such a tender, generous heart that even though she doesn't want to share this one special doll, she finds it hard to tell her no.

The first time it happened, little 'M' wanted to take her doll outside. I could watch the conflict play across Abby's face and I quickly intervened and told 'M' that her special doll needed to stay in the house.

Abby was visibly relieved and I was rewarded with a grateful smile (the kind that will warm any mom's heart!)!!

A few days later, they were playing inside and 'M' wanted to play with Abby's special doll, which Abby had been playing with... Now, I am a HUGE advocate of teaching our children to share, but I also believe that they're entitled to have some things that are special to them. Especially since Abby probably had her first 6 years of not being able to claim anything as her own, I feel very strongly that she should have a few things that are just hers...

Well, as this conflict started to play out, Abby immediately looked up at me, with a 'what do I do now?' look... I quickly jumped in and explained to 'M' that this was Abby's special doll and one that she only had to share if she wanted to... 'M' was very sweet and said 'Oh, I didn't know that.' and was quite content to play with the other dolls.

Once again, my heart just overflowed... I loved that Abby's trust has grown so much that she knows she can look to me to help her and it's her first instinct to do so...

And as usual, that got me thinking! That's EXACTLY what our Abba Father wants from us! Today, I had to go and get my new prescription for my glasses. As the lady was writing up my order, she started to tell me how her relationship had just ended and how hard it had been. Turns out she has been divorced twice and had been in this relationship for 5 1/2 years.

I didn't have a clue what to say and immediately I said a little prayer, "Lord, what do I say?" But it seemed that I was just supposed to listen and tell her how sorry I was...

But after I realized that I had just done the same thing that Abby did with me...

I looked to my Abba Father for help. I've uttered those little prayers of help a thousand times, and every time my Abba Father comes through for me... Sometimes He gives me words, sometimes a heart to listen, but when I look to Him, I ALWAYS have peace that I handled it in the way I was supposed to... Over the years, my trust has grown and now it's a natural response for me to look to Him with a "what do I do now?" look in the eyes of my heart.

And I have to think that it pleases Him as much, if not even more, as it did when Abby trusted me to help her.

What an awesome God we love!!

(P.S. It's good to be back...)

So Out Of Touch...

Hi bloggy friends...  So sorry I have been so out of touch for so long...  20 days with no post, wow, that's the longest I've been.  Nothing is wrong, just so busy...  Teaching Revelation is one of the most difficult studies I've ever taught, but so rewarding!!  I seemed to spend so much of my time doing that...  I owe a great BIG HUGE apology to my friend Naomi who gave me a blog award, but somehow I never seemed to get it posted to my blog.  Thank you friend... Your faith is such an inspiration!

Today is my sweet Mackenzie's 12th birthday!!  It's hard to believe that it's been 12 years...  She is a bundle of pure joy!  Her smile lights up a room and she is the greatest big sister!  She is truly a blessing from God!

I've been finding time to read some GREAT books...  I can't recommend these enough...  Same Kind Of Different As Me and What Difference Do It Make? both by Ron Hall and Denver Moore.  And then I just finished one tonight called Under The Overpass...  Wow, it will rip your heart out.  It's the story of 2 college students who give up their cushy life for 5 months and live as homeless men in Washington D.C., Portland, San Francisco, Phoenix and San Diego.  What's so heartbreaking is how miserably the church fails them, more often than not!  Now I'm starting a book called The Gutter.

There seems to be a theme developing here...  All of the books I'm reading are about the homeless.  God just keeps showing me over and over how far short we're falling as the church.  In the next few days, I'll try and share a few of the quotes that have been haunting my thoughts.

Just a quick update on Ms. Abby...  It's amazing what God continues to do in her heart!  She is so immersed in the idea of family now.  One night we were going to play a game and Zack wasn't sure he wanted to play.  Abby looked at him and said, "You have to play, it's a FAMILY game."  Every weekend she asks if we can watch a family movie.  When I told her that was kind of hard since the boys don't like the same movies as the girls, she said, "I don't mind watching one of their movies, as long as it's not too scary!"  She even understands the idea of sacrificing to be part of a family!

And her relationship with me just keeps growing more and more...  She's so playful with me, her hugs are so sweet, she usually won't let go until I let go first and she LOVES to laugh!  And if I'm distracted and she's not getting the attention she wants, she has no problem in persisting until I put down whatever I'm doing!  Tonight she told me that daddy couldn't have me because "You're mine!" 

Well, that's about it for now...  I've missed blogging, so I'm sure it won't be so long till you hear from me again! 

Interaction or Transaction?

Hi...  It's been so long since I've blogged...  And it's been even longer since I've written about adoption.  I don't know what it is about this time of year, but I just get blog weary.  I don't want anything to do with my blog...  I don't read other blogs...  I guess I just have to take a break, but there's just been so much percolating in my heart and mind these last few days that it finally just needed to be poured out here...

I learned an important lesson at dinner the other night...


We had taken our family to dinner with our good friends and Abby was having a MAJOR attitude issue...  She was pouting...  she refused to order any thing to drink and she wouldn't answer her daddy when he tried to find out what she wanted to eat...

That really rubbed me the wrong way and I proceeded to tell her (I hate to admit this, but not in my nicest voice ever) that if she persisted with that attitude and refused to eat, she would just have to go to bed hungry...  Yes, I was being a jerk...  Thankfully though, the Spirit in my heart did one of those quiet, gentle, but unmistakable nudges and I decided to explore this attitude a little...

I pulled her over to the side, to an empty chair, pulled her close and started questioning her about her attitude...  She was tired (she had fallen asleep in the car on the way to the restaurant) and she looked up at me with BIG puddles of tears in her eyes and said, "Mommy, I'm just tired and I don't want to eat...  Do I HAVE to eat?"

I hugged her close, assured her that she didn't have to eat anything she didn't want and compromised by ordering her noodles and water...  She cried for a few more minutes and then everything was fine...  And before we knew it, she was sampling off everyone else's plates, which was fine because there was WAY too much food!

I think it's good that she is so much a part of our family, that we treat her like our biological kids...  But the fact is, she has come from a completely different place...  A place that requires an extra measure of grace...  An extra dose of patience and an abundance of understanding...  And yet, it's a lesson that is beneficial to every relationship...  I need to slow down and find out what's really going on in people's lives...  I need to interact with them, not just transact with them...

So what do I mean by that?  It's a lesson I've learned from Africa...  In Africa, business transactions are first and foremost about the relationship and then about the business.  There's this little gift shop that I love to go in at the hotel we stay in.  Too many times, I've run in there with too little time to find something to take home.  And too often the ladies who work there have seemed offended because they tried to make conversation and I was too focused on completing my transaction to be concerned with my interaction with them...

When I went in November, I made a concious effort to do something different...  This time I went in and before I started looking around, I took the time to talk to them and be interested in their lives...  I took the time to SEE them as people...  Not as just a means to an end.

Well, the incident with Abby at dinner made me realize how often I do that with people in my life...  I have a task to get accomplished, too little time and the person becomes a transaction rather than an interaction...  With Abby at dinner, I wanted to get her dinner ordered... task accomplished...so that we could carry on our conversation with our friends and the kids would talk among themselves.

But Abby needed interaction...  She needed me to really see her and take the time to explore what was going on in heart...  She wasn't a task to be taken care of, she was a precious 7 year old who just needed her mommy to hear her concerns... to be hugged while she cried a few tears and then life could go on...  We were all rewarded with lots of smiles and laughter.

During these last few busy days before Christmas...  may we all remember that God created us to interact... not to transact...  Take time to see and be interested in the person who rings up your groceries...  The man or woman ringing the bell at the kettle...  the person helping you with your Christmas purchases...  Most of all your children, family and friends. 

Have a WONDERFUL MERRY Christmas...

Even Abby Gets It...

 Tonight, I was watching a film clip that Janine (from Heart For Africa) posted on her Facebook...  It's a powerful look into the life of an orphan headed household in Swaziland...  It broke my heart...  I tried to post a link to it, but the link works for a while and then just randomly switches to some other video...

But shortly after it started, Abby came over and started watching it with me...  There's English subtitles and she wanted me to read them to her...  I explained to her that these were some of the children from Swaziland, that they were like the ones I went to see...

We talked about how they didn't have a mommy or daddy...  No one to get them food...  Or cook it for them...  No one to wash their clothes...  Or help them take a bath...  Or get ready for the school in the morning...

"Mommy..."  Yes Abby?  "That's so sad..."

A few minutes later, they showed a small child walking with a bucket on his head...  "Mommy, why does he have a bucket on his head?"

"I guess he's going to get water, they don't have a sink like we have...they can't get it whenever they want, like we can..."

A short time later, the child arrived at a water source and began to fill the bucket...  "Mommy, you were right...  But the water looks so dirty."

"It is dirty, it often makes them very sick because they can't get clean water..."

She wanted to know and understand everything that was happening in the film...  "Where was their daddy?"  "Did their mommy die?"

Abby was seeing the reality of their lives and really letting it penetrate her heart and mind...  She was considering what it meant to live like they do...  She's a beautiful example of what it means to really see people...  I think sometimes we may look at things superficially but when we don't really consider what we're seeing, it doesn't penetrate our hearts and stir us into action.

At 7 years old, she gets it...  If what's happening to these children is not okay with a 7 year, how on earth can we justify or rationalize that it's ok with us?

When Was The Last Time You Just Said "Whatever"?

So perhaps I need to start by clarifying my question...  When was the last time you said 'Whatever', to God?

I have a dear friend who is going through A LOT right now... She's kind of a modern day Job and I love her attitude...  Everyday she just gets up and says 'whatever.'  Not in an apathetic sort of way, but in a totally surrendered way...  If He wants her to go somewhere...  she goes...  If her plans have to change...  she's fine with that...  Even in the midst of trials, my sweet friend just wants to be obedient to 'whatever' God has in store for her.

So that got me thinking...  In Sunday School, we are going through John Ortberg's book, "If You Want To Walk On Water, You Have To Get Out Of The Boat."  Now don't get me wrong, I am not criticizing his book at all...  It's a great book and our Sunday School teachers are outstanding...  But sometimes, different experiences lead to different perspectives and I've been thinking about this study from a slightly different perspective...

Granted, we are only a few chapters into the book, but for the first few weeks, much of our discussion has centered around our calling in life and we've looked at our gifts...our passions...and our desires...  But this past week, as we were challenged to think about where God has called us to step out in faith in the past, I was very confused.  My two experiences that immediately came to mind were adopting and traveling to Africa...  Neither of which meet any of the criteria that we were discussing.  I guess I should have spoken up, our Sunday School is an open discussion format, but I just couldn't seem to formulate my thoughts, until today...

Here's the thing...  Neither traveling to Africa or adopting were things that I had ever desired to do...  I don't have any spiritual gifts that would lend themselves to a calling like that, and I certainly didn't have a passion for it...

And then there was my husband, Africa was a little easier, but he was completely opposed to the idea of adoption...  In fact, initially, he said to me what has been said a thousand times, if it's been said once...  "I just don't feel called to adopt."

I will never forget, after I was absolutely convinced that we were supposed to adopt, him coming to me one evening and saying, "Sharla, what if God NEVER moves my heart to adopt?"  After a minute, in a moment of what could only have been divine inspiration, I said, "As long as I can know you are praying with a surrendered heart, then I will accept that it is not God's calling on our lives."  Funny though, when he prayed with a surrendered heart, we went to China!!

So here's what I've been thinking today... Yes, absolutely, God does use our gifts and passions, and many other things to confirm our calling...  But the place we begin to seek His calling is not in our gifts, passions or feelings, but in His WORD!!!

God says to care for the poor and needy...  So we pray, with a completely surrendered heart, about where God wants us to obedient in that...  We know that He has a heart for orphans...  So we pray with a surrendered heart about whether He wants us to adopt... Over and over, Scripture shows us what God wants...  They're not nice little suggestions...they are often commands...  It's not really a matter of 'if' God wants me to serve Him in this way... but 'how' does God want me to serve Him...

Maybe, as you've read my previous posts, you've been thinking, "Well, God hasn't called me to Africa..."  But how do you know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?  Or is it just because you don't have a 'feeling' that you want to go?  Maybe if you've been following for a long time, you might have thought, "Well God hasn't called me to adopt?"  But how do you really know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?  Maybe you don't feel called to teach Sunday School, reach out to your neighbor, visit the local homeless shelter...  But how do you know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?


There is a wonderful team traveling to Swaziland next summer...  They need 300 people to partner with local churches to do Vacation Bible School...plant community gardens and just love on the people who are so desperate to know that God still sees them...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about going?

There are hundreds of thousands of orphans that need a forever family...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about adopting just one of them?

There are families who need financial assistance to adopt?  If God really isn't calling you to adopt, would you pray with a surrendered heart and help them?

There are widows and elderly people who need a ride to the grocery store, or the doctor, or just a visit...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about reaching out to them?

There are food banks who need food...  Homeless shelters who need volunteers...  Teams that need godly coaches...  Schools who need volunteers... I could go on and on listing the needs of this world, but would you say 'yes' even before you knew the question?  Would you just get up in the morning and say, 'Whatever' Lord?  If not, then I would gently suggest that maybe you don't really know what God is calling you to do...

What A Day...

I don't want to go into all of the details of the day because it involves situations in other people's lives, but I'm starting to think you wouldn't want to be my friend right now, because I have so many friends,or their close family members, who are suffering, and I don't mean little stuff, but really big stuff, life and death kind of stuff...

And then today, someone very, very close to me had a scare too...  I can't begin to describe the stress level by the end of the day and yet, the peace was amazing.  At one point I felt so completely overwhelmed by circumstances and I just started praying and God gently reminded me that He is in control... I don't have to worry about the what-ifs, because He knows...It may seem uncertain to me, but NOTHING is uncertain for Him...

This study in Revelation has so increased my view of God, it is amazing what a difference it makes in the day to day happenings of life...

After I got all of my kids home from their various practices, meetings, etc., I decided we were going to dinner...  Scott is out of town tonight and this mom needed a break.  So we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and we talked, we laughed and before I knew it, the tension in my body was gone...  I have the most AWESOME kids!  Thank you for the much needed laughter!!

By the time we got home, it was time for Abby to go to bed and I noticed that she had put her new pillow, that she just received in bed with her.  Yesterday, she received the most incredible gift from Scott's grandmother...  She took a picture, I guess from the blog and quilted it into a pillow!  Grandmother M...  What a treasure you gave her...  She so loves it!!  She wants me to make a picture of it so she can take it and show it to her teacher!

But we started talking about the photo... It was from Gotcha Day, but it was one of her early smiles, when her siblings had first gotten her to laugh and giggle...  I love the picture.  So as we were talking about it, I said, "Abby, you look so young in that picture, it's hard to believe it was only a year ago."  And she said, "But mommy, I was 5 in that picture."  I reminded her that no, she had to be 6 because she was 6 when we got her.

At that point she told me how confused she was...  She said, "Mommy, in China some people tell me I '4' and some tell me I '5'..."  And then she started telling me about the orphanage.  She has NEVER talked about the orphanage before... I was beginning to wonder if she even remembered.  She told me about some of the children... about a little child, she couldn't tell if the child was a boy or girl, who looked really weird and then she said,, "Mommy, I think they die...  I really scared."

At that point my heart broke, a nameless child, who never knew the love of a family had died alone in an orphanage.  And a very observant child, silently watching, with no one to explain what was happening, no one to reassure her...  I'm sure it was terrifying...  And I understand now why she talks so easily about death...  If anyone gets sick, one of her first questions is always, "Are they going to die?"  What all has this precious child seen?

Next she told me about a little girl who was so cute.  She described how she had a place on her face, probably some type of birth mark, or spot, but that it didn't matter, "she still so cute!"

And then she told me how they would cut her fingernails too short and how they would bleed...

I could have listened to her for hours...  But then she said, "Mommy, I tell you more tomorrow if you want."  (She's very serious about her bed time!)  I'm so thankful for the 2 hours I will have with her tomorrow and I'm even more thankful that she's finally comfortable enough to start telling me these stories, admitting her fears and hurts and uncertainties...  When you watch the process an older child goes through in adoption, you know for certain that God is still in the miracle and heart healing business...

We Have SO Turned A Corner!!

I have no idea what's changed, but Abby has for sure!!  More and more her hugs have been warmer, she actually hugs back...  She gives them freely at bedtime, she doesn't get upset when I kiss her on the head and last night at the soccer game, when she got cold, she came and sat close to me and let me snuggle her up and rub her arms...  AMAZING...

She plays with me and teases me almost constantly and tonight, when Scott came home, she was so excited to see him.  She was holding his hand, so I went over and hugged him on the other side and the next thing I knew she was giggling and pushing me away, just like Mackenzie used to do when she was little!

After over a year, she is really starting to feel like my little girl...  Wow... I can't even begin to describe the feeling that goes with this...  In the last couple of weeks, her little personality has become more and more free...she's so joyful and such a joy to be around.

To experience a child giving their hearts to you is breathtaking beyond words...  When you give birth to a child, it happens so quickly, you have so many opportunities to create that love and trust with them.  But when you adopt an older child, it is such a different process...  It is truly one of perserverance, faith and hope.

Once again it makes me think of my Abba Father...  He loves us so patiently...He perserveres...He meets us right where we are, over and over...  And He waits for us to give our whole hearts to Him because giving your heart over to Him can be so hard, especially if you were spiritually adopted older (became a Christian later in life).  But when I think of the joy I'm experiencing right now...the utter delight...I'm overwhelmed at thinking how much pleasure we must bring Him.

He loves us so perfectly and so purely...  His longing for us is never motivated out of anything selfish...  He doesn't need us for anything...  He just loves us!  WOW...

 I am overwhelmed at the miracle God has worked in her precious little heart... Love truly does break down walls!

Laughter After The Storm...

You can see them coming for days... They build and build... the moods get snitty...the talking subsides...the laughter all but disappears...every little thing is a big deal...and then she cries...

Since we came home, Abby's grieving periods have been like thunderstorms...they build up and then the bottom falls out, but afterwards, the air is so fresh and clean...

I had seen it coming since her birthday...probably before that and then last Saturday, when she had to clean her room with Mackenzie, the bottom fell out of the tear cloud... Finally, she sat down on a step with me and cried and cried. I knew it wasn't really about cleaning their room, she just needed to grieve.

Each time this happens, she emerges as a breath of fresh air, but this time has been different, she's been more like a ray of sunshine. It's almost like, as each storm passes, she becomes more and more of who she really is, it's quite amazing to watch...

This week, since the storm, she's been a singing star..."You wanna hear a song...gooooood....let's go!"... a Barbie cheerleader... a little model... a hairstylist... She has played with me...made me laugh...she has been the sunshine after the storm.

Tonight she went with me to take a meal to a mom who recently had a baby... We ran by the grocery store before we went and everything I said was met with an "Aw maaaan..."

The conversation went something lie this...

"Abby, we're going to see a lady who just had a baby..."

"She had a baby? Aw maaan... Why?"

"Because God wanted her to..."

"Aw maaan...how old is she?"

"I don't know, old enough to have a baby..."

"Aw maaan..."

I was so tickled, I couldn't stop laughing! Later I was telling Scott that Abby had a new word... "Aw maaan, " Abby said, "But you learned it to me." "Abby, you mean I taught you that?" "Mommy, you learned it to me." I looked at Scott and his eyes confirmed what she was saying... It's like living my own reality tv show... I get to see (and hear) myself as I really am...

To adopt an older child is to experience the blessing of seeing God's restoring power first hand... What God created in the garden was really special, but then sin messed it up... In redemption and restoration we find the person that God intended for us to be...

Happy Birthday Abby!!

This time last year, all I could do was make arrangements to have a cake delivered to Abby in China... she had no idea who we were, but our hearts had been longing for her...

This was my journal entry from that day...

Dear Abby,

As I write this, I think it's about lunch time for you and it's your 6th birthday! It makes me sad that we aren't with you to celebrate it, but next year we will be!

I hope you received your care package today and your birthday cake! Do you like your new stuffed animal puppy and your books?

The papers they gave us, that told us about you, said that you love books and puppies. I hope they were right and that somehow you can feel our love for you from so many miles away.

I can't help but wonder if today was the day that you found out that you're being adopted? I'm not sure when China tells the foster parents, so our letter to you and your foster parents could very well be the first time you hear about it.

I wonder if you're scared or sad? My prayer is that somehow God will give you peace and that you'll know deep in your heart that everything is going to be ok...that you might even be a little excited. I hope this is a good birthday surprise for you!

I pray that when you look at our faces in the photos that you will somehow know how much you're loved...I pray that when you read the letter that you will somehow feel our love for you packed into every single word.

You are a very special little girl, so many people are praying for you and waiting for you to come home so they can meet you.

I pray that today is a wonderful day for you and I also pray that God is protecting you and preparing your sweet little heart to meet your new family.

Happy Birthday, sweet one!

Love,
Mom

I didn't actually get to send this letter to her, it was just an expression of what was in my heart that day... My sweet friend Dawn, who has also adopted from China surprised me and brought over a birthday present for Abby, little Ava had picked out the most adorable pink princess dress for her and a really cute outfit...

So here we are one year later and we are having a very special princess birthday party for Abby!! She has a new Cinderella dress and crown... a beautiful princess birthday cake and can you keep a secret...Sleeping Beauty is coming to her party! I can't wait to see Abby's face when she opens the door to find Sleeping Beauty... More later...

Over The Top Wonderful Continues... We're On A Roll!!

I admit, I was a little concerned that yesterday's "Mommy, can I get a hug?" wouldn't be repeated for a while... For 9 months it's been 3 steps forward and 2 steps back... One amazing moment only to come crashing down pretty quickly...

But today, as she was about to run down the street with Mackenzie, she came back, with her little arms open, asking for a hug! Even Mackenzie didn't do that... Abby did it all on her own!!

I just stood there and smiled!

Indescribable...Amazing... WOW... Over The Top Wonderful!!

Ok, for those of you who have been following our adoption journey for a while, you know that I have really struggled because Abby has resisted hugging me, or any other real kind of affection. As a mom who's love language is affection, this has been indescribably hard... My heart has been wounded more times than I can count, when she has so blatantly rejected my affection but would willingly give it to someone else...

I know, I know, for some that would scream significant attachment issues, but I really don't think that was at the root of what was going on. Having had 4 'moms' in her young 6 years, I really believe that she has been having a hard time trusting me, really believing that this is for real...

I'll give you an example related to Scott... Scott has been travelling all week this week. When he left on Monday morning, he left a card for each day that he was gone for me (yes, he is WONDERFUL!! He knows how to speak my other love language, words of affirmation) but he also left a note for each of the kids for me to give them on Wednesday.

So yesterday, I brought out the notes for the kids... As I brought Abby hers, she looked at me and said, "Why daddy give me note? He not coming back?" Just writing that makes me want to cry... But it became very clear to me in that moment that she is still afraid that we aren't forever...

Well, several posts back I wrote about how God was teaching me that I needed to accept Abby's love language and quit expecting a one size fits all road to attachment (Love In Their Language)....

So, that's what I've been doing... At the end of that post I said I was going to make her a card and I really did! I made one for her and Mackenzie and put them on their pillows, of course I couldn't wait for bedtime for them to find them, so the minute they came home from school, I had them go and look for them...They both LOVED their cards...

Well, a few days later Abby brought me the most beautiful picture that she had spent days (Scott knew about it) working on... It said, "Love You...Mother's Day...Happy Mother's Day!" I so wanted to scoop her up in my arms and hug her, but I just made a big fuss and we're looking for the perfect picture frame together...

When I stopped longing for her love on my terms, I found that it was all around me... But today, was one of those amazing, miracle moments...

We rushed home from the baseball game and dinner and Nick and I had to be back at school for a high school transition meeting... So we ran in the house for a minute and as I'm leaving I hear from the top of the stairs... "Love you mommy... Mommy? Can I get a hug?" Yes, you read that right, she asked me for a hug!!!!!

In that moment, I felt like I won the lottery! It was Indescribable... Amazing... WOW... Over The Top Wonderful!!

God is teaching me such an important lesson in perseverance...He is teaching me to love beyond what I would ever dream or think possible...Not just Abby, but all of my children.

One of my favorite quotes that I read when we started this journey was by Donald Miller, "Through Painted Desserts"...

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home...some summer and some winter... My hope is that your story will be about changing...about learning to love a child...about learning to love others more than we love ourselves...

We get one story, you and I, one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?

And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."

I am the one who has changed, I am learning to love a child...to love others more than myself... Wow, what an incredible journey!!

Love In Their Language!

Ok, first...April, the photo is for you! LOL!! Yeah, I read your message about how you like blogs better with some photos and I haven't posted a photo in a while... This one is from Easter!

So, for the reason for this post... I've been wrestling A LOT lately with Abby's reluctance to hug and be hugged... Actually, I've wrestled with it for 9 months, since Gotcha Day. We worked out a compromise this week, at the suggestion of her older foster sister, who was adopted at the same time.

She suggested that we establish the times when we would hug and how long the hugs would be... So Abby and I agreed that it would be twice a day...when she left for school and at bed time and that they would be short, gentle hugs, no bear hugs!

Interestingly, she opens her arms to me for hugs now...she seems to be much more willing to give them and receive them...

But all of this got me thinking... (uh...oh!)

I love the book "Love Languages." I'm sure most everyone has read it by now, but there are 5 love languages... Physical touch/affection, Quality time, Gifts, Words of Encouragement and Service.

My love language is DEFINITELY affection and words of encouragement! But Scott's is service... He has the most amazing servant's heart, he will even clean the toilets for me....he's amazing.

But when we started dating, I was such a dope... I demanded that he love me with hugs and words of encouragement and when he didn't, I was annoyingly insecure in the relationship. It took a lot of time (and a broken heart for a few months) for me to finally understand that I needed to hear his "I love you," in his acts of service...which frankly, requires a whole lot more of a person than my love language...it's easy to give a person a hug and a few words of encouragement, that doesn't require that I give so much of myself...but acts of service and quality time require something of the whole person.

So anyway, in mulling over the 'hug' thing with Abby, it hit me square between the eyes (and in the heart) that I was falling into the same trap with her as I did with Scott, over 20 years ago!

Abby's love language is quality time and I think maybe gifts...she loves, I mean LOVES to draw beautiful pictures for everyone...cards...whatever...she wants to know their favorite color and then she creates the most beautiful works of art.

So all this time that I've been worrying about attachment and the lack of physical touch, maybe attachment isn't a 'one size fits all' deal... Maybe attachment is more about love being expressed from the heart in the ways that say I love you to them...instead of what says "I love you" to us.

I realize that physical touch is necessary, and she doesn't shy away from that anymore...she's ok with being tickled...she lets me wash her hair...she'll sit close to me in the chair to watch a movie...

But what I need to take away from this is that I need to stop pushing the "hugging" thing and love her in her love language...

But isn't that just the way our heavenly Father does it for us... I think I've said this a million times since I became a Christian... "I'm awed at how God meets us right where we are." I could tell you a gazillion stories about how God spoke (not audibly) but visibly into my life in a way that I could TOTALLY get... Some might call them coincidences, but there's comes a point when it happens so many times that it takes more faith to believe in coincidences than it does to just see it for what it is... God reaching out to us in a personal and intimate way.

So, I'm turning over a new leaf... I'm going to seek out fun and creative ways to love Abby everyday in way that clearly says, "I love you" in her heart language...not just mine... Hmmm...think I'll go make a card!

Just Thinking...

Yesterday was Abby's second trip to the dentist since we've been home. I was hoping that it would be much better than the first when they had to use the 'power washer' on her teeth to get them clean...but that was not to be the case.

Apparently power washing gets the heavy stuff off, but they still need to be scraped with that annoying little torture device, so Abby had to sit through that yesterday. She was not happy but I unashamedly bribed her with a play date today and it worked...she opened her mouth wide and let them get it done. But bless her heart, I felt so bad for her.

I mean think about it... being adopted is supposed to be a HUGE blessing (and in reality, we know it is better that she has a forever family, better medical and dental care, more educational opportunities, etc.,) but from her 6 year old perspective, in the last 8 months she's been to the doctor numerous times...been poked, prodded, given shots, water squirted in her ears (by the pediatrician...not me!!), had her teeth power washed and scraped...she has to go to school, clean her room, help around the house...some blessing from her perspective!

But yesterday, as I was standing in her shoes (in my heart) for a while, it occurred to me that this is alot like it is when you are adopted older, in a spiritual sense (aka...when you become a Christian at an older age, like I did...age 33).

I think many people have this idea that when you become a Christian, everything is going to get better... that somehow Jesus is Mr. Fix It and He'll make your life work. But that's not how it is at all... He goes to work on your heart and it's a long, and often painful, process.

As you start to read your Bible, He pokes and prods at thoughts and attitudes that aren't very Christ-like... Maybe He'll shine His bright light on your selfishness...or critical attitude...maybe He'll tear down some idols in your heart.... it can be very similar to going to the doctor or dentist...it's a cleansing and healing, a sanctification process that is often painful and makes you want to run in the opposite direction... It kind of helps you understand why the Israelites kept wanting to go back to Egypt.

Hebrews 4:12 says, "For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

When I first became a Christian, my heart needed some serious power washing...it needed to be scraped and cleaned...and those early years were tough as I learned to trust Him and let Him do His work in my heart.

But I'm so glad I did... After 10 years I know a peace and joy like I've never known. It doesn't mean there's never a problem...there's plenty of them...but I can rest that I am not in this battle alone and I can know for sure that He loves me and will never leave me or forsake me, that He loves me unconditionally and He will forgive me when I mess up (which I frequently do)!

And I'm happy to say that while my heart continues to need daily maintenance and cleansing, it's not nearly as hard as it was in the beginning!

I think I understand a little better now where Abby is coming from and that will make me more empathetic as I walk through things with her that my other children don't even blink at... You see, they were like those who become Christians early in their life...it's what they've known their entire life...so doctor's appointment and dental check-ups are just as natural to life as lessons that God has for them everyday...

What an amazing journey this continues to be!

How Do You Explain God?

How do you explain God to a 6 year old child? How do you explain God to someone who has never heard of Him? Thought of Him? Or in her little mind, seen much evidence of Him in her life?

Well, after our day on Monday, things got very interesting last night. As with the anger and tears that we've experienced in the past, Monday was like a cleansing rain. Yesterday, she was back to herself... talking to me constantly, coloring me a beautiful bookmark and soaking in our praise of her amazing creative ability.

From my last post, I mentioned that she had a place on her hand that was causing me concern... It started about a week ago as just a little bump that was all of sudden starting to get red and look infected. I immediately started applying antibiotic cream and covering it so that it wouldn't spread. But by Monday night, it looked terrible... really red, swollen, just yukky. So that was what brought the angry words about God on Monday night, when we looked at it, even she knew I was going to have to call the doctor on Tuesday.

Well, when Scott put her to bed on Monday night, he prayed for her hand and yesterday morning, when I checked it, it was GREATLY improved...the swelling was gone and it was just a little red! By the afternoon, it looked even better!!

When I put her to bed last night, I pointed out that daddy had prayed for her hand and look at how much better it is... And that brought a barrage of questions...

On Monday night, she started with Is He a boy or girl? Then last night... Where is God? Why can't I see Him? Is He in the sky? Is He looking over us? Is He nice or mean? Who does God pray to?

How do you explain that God is Spirit...that He's not a boy or a girl? I told her that He tells us to call Him Father so I think of Him as a boy... But Jesus talked about how He longed to gather Jerusalem to Himself as a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wings...

So God is Father... He is a Warrior... He is a Shepherd... But He nurtures us, cares for us and loves us like a mother for her children...

How do you explain that just because we can't see God, He is still there? How do I explain where He lives? That yes, He is watching over us every moment, that He never slumbers nor sleeps?

How do I explain to a 6 year old, who has never heard of Him...who has never heard the word sin...who has no concept of how desperately we need a Savior to be reconciled to God, that it's not a matter of nice or mean...that it's about the most AMAZING love we could ever imagine? That we can't measure who He is by our circumstances but by the single greatest act of love in the history of creation?

And how do I explain to her that God doesn't need anyone to pray for? That He is the Creator of all things...that He is above all things...that all things were created by Him and for Him and that He answers to no one?

Some pretty deep questions for a 6 year old!!

I've been thinking about "unreached people groups" (people who have never heard the gospel) since our church showed us a video. I had no idea that, according to the Joshua Project, 40.8% of the world's population is still unreached with the gospel. That was shocking to me!

And now, as we struggle to teach Abby about God, I have a whole new appreciation for the struggles that missionaries face... In America, even if you don't believe in Jesus, at least most everyone has some concept of God. And to even begin to have an understanding of Jesus, you have to get the magnitude and awesomeness of God.

(Side trail... I think if people would really stop and consider the implications of God they might be more able to see their need for a Savior. I think I'll flesh that thought out in another blog though...that could be a long side trail.)

But how can Abby even begin to grasp the idea of Jesus until she begins to get the magnitude of God? Even though I didn't become a Christian till Zack was about 5, God was not a foreign idea to them...

I know it's not anything I have to worry about... God is holding her in the palm of His hand and He loves her beyond anything I could imagine... So I trust Him to speak to her heart, at just the right time, to give her understanding at just the right moment and to give Scott and I the words of wisdom that we need for every conversation...

But as her questions make me stop and consider our awesome God, I am once again overwhelmed at how truly AMAZING He is!!

Piercing The Heart...

Wow...today has just been a day of heart piercing lessons. Of course, I went on a Women's Retreat this weekend. It was called Soul Refill and I needed it! It was a wonderful weekend, so I should have known to expect this, but I was completely unprepared for what Abby threw my way today...

It started at breakfast this morning... It is our routine to read a book while she eats breakfast each morning. This morning the book was about a Koala mommy who told her Koala baby, "I love you, I really do." I thought it would be a great opportunity to use the book to teach about what mommy's do with their children...so each page I would draw a parallel to how I love her and Mackenzie.

At then end of the book, she gave me a really angry look and said, "Why you say that so much?" I was so shocked so I asked very gently, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" This time she wouldn't make eye contact with me, and the fierce challenge of her attitude was gone, but she repeated the question, "Why you say that so much?" "Because I do Abby...just because I do."

And then as she prepared herself to be hugged, she reminded me once again that I couldn't give her a kiss...it's always only the top of her head, but that's fine...I respect those boundaries and have been since she asked me not to give her a kiss. I told her that she doesn't need to remind me everytime, to which she responded, "You might forget." OUCH!!

After she left for school, I considered the power of the tongue. That a 6 year old's words could pierce my heart so sharply stopped me in my tracks... It reminded me that my words to others have the same power.

But then this evening, as I put her to bed, I looked at a place on her hand that has been causing me some concern... It's not looking any better and she immediately understood that this would mean another trip to the doctor.

All of a sudden she looked at me and said, "I not talk about God, He do this." Where on earth did that come from? So I tried to explain to her that God did not hurt her hand...

And then came the discussion about China...

"In China, I NOT go to the doctor..." "I NOT have sore on my hand..." "I NOT cough..." "I NOT go to the dentist..."

Funny how Israel always wants to go back to Egypt...if you don't know what I'm talking about, grab a Bible and read the book of Exodus. God delivered the Israelites from Egypt and every time something didn't go their way, they decided that slavery was better than a little discomfort.

I don't mean to imply that we're Abby's deliverer...but the point is that somehow we always forget the reality of what we've come from... Abby didn't have a forever family... No real security...or even much hope for the future... Through an amazing blessing, we are able to offer her that... But like the Israelites, somehow Egypt just looks better to her.

So I told her how sorry I was that she was so unhappy...that I loved her so much and that is why I take her to the doctor when she's sick and to get her teeth cleaned. I tried to explain to her that when you really love someone, you do the things that are hard, even if it hurts a little. I said "Abby, if I didn't love you so much, I would let your hand get infected and your teeth rot out. But I do love you so I take care of you."

She just sat and stared at me... "Why you look at me? Why you sit on my bed?" After a little bit I said "Abby, I think it's interesting that when we talk about birthday parties and presents and friends, you like being here... But when it comes to things you don't ike...doctors... dentists... coughs... hurt hands ... cleaning... you prefer China."

To which she responded, "Mommy, you tell me it's time to go to bed." Hmmm... she clearly doesn't like to be called on her stuff.

Abby is clearly angry with me today... I guess it could be related to my going away this weekend, but something tells me that that is not what is going on...

I think this has to do with the grieving process... She finally has language to express herself and it's all coming out. This is not the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last. I guess I should be thankful that she is beginning to feel secure enough with me that I'm the one she's lashing out against...but I admit, it pierces my heart.

But again, it made me think about my relationship with my Heavenly Father... I may not say I want to go back to Egypt...to the slavery of sin...but sometimes I sure act like I do. I treat His provision as if it's not enough. It hurts when your children aren't content with your provision... there's no doubt that my own spiritual tantrums grieve my Father's heart..

I pray that tomorrow is a better day, but I have a sense that we may be entering in to a season... the walls of her heart are trying to come down and she is lashing out against loving us and receiving our love. I pray that someday she will rest in the truth that she is ours...we love...we will never leave her...we are hers forver.

One Year Ago Today, Part 2

And now for the rest of the story... (You'll have to read yesterday's to get the beginning of the story!)

When I left off yesterday, I was frustrated and the work on our dossier had come to a screeching halt because I had no peace about submitting it through our agency. By this point, I was watching Abby's file everyday to see if someone accepted her referral and on a day when I was sick at home, I answered a nudge in my heart to get the papers ready for the last step of sending them to the Consulate in DC...

So, I got up a little early on the morning of February 26, last year, and gave myself some extra time to stop and purchase the necessary money orders to send the package to the Consulate. I went on to Bible Study and on the way home I stopped by the FedEx box and sent it on its way.

As was routine by now, I came home to check the website to see the status of her file and for the first time in weeks, she was available again... No one was reviewing her file! How on earth was that possible? Her special needs were so minor... She was adorable... It could only be God moving hearts.

I immediately started calling her agency and sent an e-mail... This is a segment of my post from February 26 last year...

"Yesterday I was filled with a sense of urgency to complete the paperwork, so I'll trust that I was obedient to that prompting and not worry about the rest.

One thing I'm learning...this is truly a walk of faith...of taking one step at a time with no expectation of what will come next. I'm learning what it means to live surrendered, at least where adoption is concerned...hopefully it's a lesson that I will learn to apply more and more to all areas of my life.

There was a precious little girl on a Waiting Child list that we inquired about...but she was not to be ours. Now there's another little girl that I've watched for weeks...she was on hold for so long and I never expected her to become available again, but today she did.

It may mean nothing...and it may mean everything. The only thing to do is take the next step and inquire (I did that right away!) The best thing about trusting God though is that He is in control...when He reveals a step, we take it and then we stop and wait until He reveals the next step. We don't have to force anything, we just have to be watchful, sensitive and obedient. It sounds so simple, but too often I make it so complicated.

I can't wait to see what God does...He is so BIG... it's fun and humbling to watch Him in action. This is truly an amazing journey."

But God still had a HUGE mountain to move if she was to be ours...a mountain of money that we had already paid to our other agency. I e-mailed the agency, told them we were interested in adopting her and explained our situation and then there was silence, they didn't even acknowledge that we were interested. But I asked a few family members to pray that God would do a work in their hearts and at least agree to reduce the fees a little (so Scott would see that this was truly God's plan...ya see, I had it all figured out! LOL!)

Finally, on March 5 I couldn't stand it any longer, I e-mailed them again... I told them the story of seeing her and watching her for weeks and tried one more time to get an answer (they were busy with the referrals for that month). This time I got a response, the Special Needs Coordinator was going to print my e-mails and take them to the Executive Director to see what could be done...

Late the next day, I received an e-mail that said that since our dossier was complete, they would waive the initial fees plus give us the Special Needs Grant...it totaled to be the exact amount we had paid to the other agency...God moved mountains! But there was one last mountain, there was one other family reviewing her file, but they had some medical issues... Thankfully I didn't have to wait long for this answer...

The next day, the infamous packet of paperwork returned from Washington DC, fully authenticated AND we received an e-mail that Abby was ours if we accepted the referral! Somehow in all of this, I hadn't even given them our phone number so they could call us and tell us!

I will never forget that Friday afternoon! God moved mountains... I knew that whatever happened from that point on, I could look back on what God had done and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were walking in the center of His will!

A Year Ago Today... (Part 1)

Over and over in Scripture, God tells His people to remember His great works... Remembering reminds us of God's greatness and power, it can renew and refresh our sense of awe and wonder and it can strengthen our faith. The journey to adopt Abby was an amazing process where we saw God's hand over and over, so I thought I'd take a little time and remember the days leading up to receiving our referral for Abby.

When we first decided to adopt, in May of 2007, I just assumed that we would adopt a child who was non-special needs and as young as possible. But as I worked on our dossier, God worked on my heart... With each passing week (it seemed) He moved my heart to consider older and older (Scott was already there).

Almost from the start, I watched the Waiting Child lists for different agencies, because I knew somewhere deep in my heart that that's where we would find Abby. I didn't know how we'd find her, I just always knew that I would know her by her eyes.

We signed with an agency almost immediately after deciding that we would adopt, but I was incredibly frustrated by how they were handling Special Needs referrals... It seemed like it changed every month and so I kept watching other agency lists, even though I knew Scott would never agree to changing agencies because we already had quite a bit of money invested in our agency.

I worked hard on our paperwork from May to October and as I left for Africa, in November of '07, I sent a huge packet of paperwork to our state government. My plan was that it would be here when I came home and I would only have one last step before we could send everything to China.

But in Africa, I tore my ACL... With the swirling emotions of what we had experienced in Africa, trying to decide what to do about my knee and a complete loss of peace about submitting our dossier, that final packet of paperwork got put on a shelf and the process to adopt came to a screeching halt.

On December 14, 2007, I had my ACL repaired and the following week, as I sat in a chair recuperating, I decided to check the Waiting Child program of an agency I had followed from the beginning... They had a new list, in fact, their last paper list before China went to its new way of referring special needs children...

As I opened the list, this was the face I saw...



There was just something about the eyes... I opened the rest of the file ( I had gotten a password from them months before) and these were the other two pictures...





As I sat and looked at her picture I said, "Lord, could it be her?" Then I laughed at myself... We were with a different agency, she was adorable and all of their clients had the first opportunity to review her file, I couldn't even inquire about her. So I said, "Ok, if she's ours, then you'll have to move some hearts to make it happen."

As I expected, her file was placed on hold after the first round of applications and every few days, I would check to see if she had been changed from 'available' to 'referred'. And every time, she would still be listed as 'available.'

As January turned into February, I was feeling so hopeless about the whole adoption process... I had no peace and I just could not bring myself to send off that final packet of paperwork. And with each passing day, I would hold my breath as I checked the website to see what had happened with 'Dani'... that was the name the agency had given her on their website...

One year ago today, February 25 was on a Monday (last year was a Leap Year)... In Community Bible Study, leadership meets on Monday to prepare for Tuesday, so normally, that's where I would have been. But I was sick that day... I had had some scar tissue develop in my knee from surgery and it was causing tremendous pain at night and I wasn't sleeping... I was worn down, worn out and so I stayed home that day.

As I sat curled up in my favorite chair, there was a nudge in my heart... 'Finish your paperwork.' And in my heart I whined, "But I don't want to." "Finish your paperwork." I was so frustrated, even if I did finish, who would I send it to... I still had no peace about our agency, which was translating into no peace about the adoption in general... "Finish your paperwork."

So I drug myself out of my chair and went upstairs to my computer to print off and complete those 'pain in the rear' forms that are necessary to have your documents authenticated by the embassy. I filled out the FedEx envelopes and everything was ready to go, except the money orders... That would just have to wait until the next day... And so will you to read the rest of this story! (Yes my friend April, I'm taking a page from your playbook!!)

Stay tuned because it's a cool God story!!

19 WONDERFUL Years!!! (And a traumatic doctor's visit...)

So really this is two posts in one... I had planned to write about our anniversary today, but then Abby got sick, so I'll tell a little story about that too...

First, today is our 19th Wedding Anniversary!! Wow...where did the time go? We met in college, dated for 4 years and then got married. When he proposed to me, he provoked a fight first and then waited until I had a mouth full of baked potato to pop the question!!! Pretty romantic, huh?! It's just a miracle that I didn't choke to death because after 4 years, I really didn't think he'd ever ask!!

After we married we moved a long...long way from home... Michigan... probably the best thing that could have ever happened to us because we were forced to depend on each other and we didn't have the distraction of our friends or family...some other place to run when we had a fight.

We had plenty of those (fights) in the early years...mostly my fault...I'm still amazed that he stuck it out with me all those years. But he did and when I finally became a Christian, I realized that all those years he had been God's instrument to teach me what unconditional love was like...

Scott is an amazing man...he has a true servant's heart...he's taken care of more than his fair share of sick children...I can't begin to describe the support he gives me to be the Teaching Director for Community Bible Study...and he will even clean the bathrooms for me!

Of course, as wonderful as the 19 years have been, they haven't been perfect...we've had our struggles, some harder than others, but I wouldn't change a second of even the hardest trials because they've shaped us into the couple we are today... It takes a lot of years...a lot of heat and a lot of pressure to form dirty, yukky carbon atoms (otherwise known as coal) into a diamond and I feel like that's what God has done with our marriage!

So on this day, I am so thankful for the most wonderful man in the world! And I want to encourage you... if you're at a hard place in your marriage...hang in there...pray (don't try and be your husband's Holy Spirit) and let our amazing God of restoration and transformation do the rest...in you first and then your husband!!

We were so blessed to be able to spend this past weekend in the mountains at our friend's cabin! They are so generous to share their cabin, with us and others, and we love to go there and hide away for a few days. My mom came and kept the kids and Abby did great...but it warmed my heart to see the smile on her face when we pulled into the driveway!

Speaking of Abby...now for the story about the doctor's appointment. Abby has had a lingering cough and it has been getting worse the last couple of days. She scared me to death this morning when she had so much gunk in her chest that she was having a hard time catching her breath till she got some of it up...

Turns out she has a nasty case of bronchitis...but the doctor's visit was really hard. I LOVE the practice we go to, but I learned a lesson today, when they start their exam, I need to remember to tell them that Abby is still very sensitive to touch.

When he started to feel the glands in her neck, she squirmed and whined and scrunched up her shoulders so he couldn't get to them...touch like that is still very ticklish to her. Then, the light in the ears... YIKES. But it got worse...she has a lot of wax in her ears (apparently very common in Asian children) so they wanted to flush it out with water and peroxide.

You would have thought the nurse was pulling out her fingernails...she cried and cried...which made her cough and cough...finally they gave up and told me to use some ear drops to help get rid of it...that should be a load of fun for the next two weeks!

It was pretty clear to me that the doctor thought I should be a little tougher with her, even though I kept trying to explain to him that we still have some sensory issues. He's a great doctor, so I'm not being critical of him... But hopefully you can learn from my experience, if you've adopted older and your child is overly sensitive to touch...warn your doctor...the nurse...whomever before the exam begins, when you have their full attention and they're really listening...

So Abby is on her first antibiotic (with us anyway) and we have some work to do on what it means to be a good patient...but then, if my experiences had been hers in the last 6 months with doctors and dentists, I might not be such a good patient either. Of course it doesn't help when she tells you, "I never cough like this in China."

Oh...and just real quick...a few of you have asked about Zack... His ankle is badly sprained. He's itching to get back on the soccer field, but I know it hurts because he's not fighting me about it.

Tomorrow and the next day, I have a story of "One Year Ago" to tell you... the start of our journey to Abby!

"You Bought Me..."

This morning was one of those mornings that resonates in your heart all day. We were getting ready for school and I was giving the kids hugs. I continue to make a big deal out of hugging and explaining to Abby that this is just what we do in our family.

So she made a big deal out of Nick and Mackenzie being my babies (Zack had already gone to school)... And then out of the blue, she said, "You got them at hospital...you bought me!"

Whoa...where did that come from? How on earth was I supposed to handle that? So I smiled and said, "Abby, we didn't buy you, we adopted you... But if we had, that should make you feel so special that we would be willing to pay for you."

How do you explain to a 6 year old, that still doesn't understand the fullness of our language, that yes, it does cost money to adopt, but it also cost money to bring a child home from the hospital. I tried, but I'm just not sure she got it...

I have to think that maybe someone said this to her in China...or maybe someone said it to her here...I just don't know.

I can't wait though till I can explain to her about what Jesus did for us... 1 Corinthians 6:20 and 7:23, both teach us that we were bought for a price... He gave His life for us so that we could be the adopted children of our Abba Father... "Being bought," in God's economy is the ultimate expression of His love...

If you're reading this blog, I hope you can look towards heaven and say to your Abba Father, "You bought me." It's the greatest thing we can ever claim!