Thursday, April 30, 2009

Indescribable...Amazing... WOW... Over The Top Wonderful!!

Ok, for those of you who have been following our adoption journey for a while, you know that I have really struggled because Abby has resisted hugging me, or any other real kind of affection. As a mom who's love language is affection, this has been indescribably hard... My heart has been wounded more times than I can count, when she has so blatantly rejected my affection but would willingly give it to someone else...

I know, I know, for some that would scream significant attachment issues, but I really don't think that was at the root of what was going on. Having had 4 'moms' in her young 6 years, I really believe that she has been having a hard time trusting me, really believing that this is for real...

I'll give you an example related to Scott... Scott has been travelling all week this week. When he left on Monday morning, he left a card for each day that he was gone for me (yes, he is WONDERFUL!! He knows how to speak my other love language, words of affirmation) but he also left a note for each of the kids for me to give them on Wednesday.

So yesterday, I brought out the notes for the kids... As I brought Abby hers, she looked at me and said, "Why daddy give me note? He not coming back?" Just writing that makes me want to cry... But it became very clear to me in that moment that she is still afraid that we aren't forever...

Well, several posts back I wrote about how God was teaching me that I needed to accept Abby's love language and quit expecting a one size fits all road to attachment (Love In Their Language)....

So, that's what I've been doing... At the end of that post I said I was going to make her a card and I really did! I made one for her and Mackenzie and put them on their pillows, of course I couldn't wait for bedtime for them to find them, so the minute they came home from school, I had them go and look for them...They both LOVED their cards...

Well, a few days later Abby brought me the most beautiful picture that she had spent days (Scott knew about it) working on... It said, "Love You...Mother's Day...Happy Mother's Day!" I so wanted to scoop her up in my arms and hug her, but I just made a big fuss and we're looking for the perfect picture frame together...

When I stopped longing for her love on my terms, I found that it was all around me... But today, was one of those amazing, miracle moments...

We rushed home from the baseball game and dinner and Nick and I had to be back at school for a high school transition meeting... So we ran in the house for a minute and as I'm leaving I hear from the top of the stairs... "Love you mommy... Mommy? Can I get a hug?" Yes, you read that right, she asked me for a hug!!!!!

In that moment, I felt like I won the lottery! It was Indescribable... Amazing... WOW... Over The Top Wonderful!!

God is teaching me such an important lesson in perseverance...He is teaching me to love beyond what I would ever dream or think possible...Not just Abby, but all of my children.

One of my favorite quotes that I read when we started this journey was by Donald Miller, "Through Painted Desserts"...

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home...some summer and some winter... My hope is that your story will be about changing...about learning to love a child...about learning to love others more than we love ourselves...

We get one story, you and I, one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?

And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."

I am the one who has changed, I am learning to love a child...to love others more than myself... Wow, what an incredible journey!!

6 comments:

Michelle said...

absolutely beautiful :)

April Isaacs said...

You always make me want to cry! That is the best news EVER!! I can't believe she asked you for a hug! I know it is because God is really speaking to you... the whole card, love language thing....yep!

And, so so sad that she thought Scott wasn't coming back.

You are such a great mom! I still wish I could live next door. I am positive you are an equally as good friend.

Hugs from me too!
April
P.S. I can not believe your verification word! That was so funny. Seriously... where in the world would they get that. There can not be such a thing as unsperm! Hahaha!

Denise said...

Touching post Sharla...why is it I am always crying after reading your blog? Hugs~

trina said...

I know. You make me get all teary,too.
Such a sweet girl. I love her.

laranou said...

Rejoicing with you!

Our precious little girls need so much loving in so many ways. Your needs to know that you will never leave her; mine needs to know that no matter what she does we will love her always.

God is so wonderful to paint his pictures of love through all aspects of our live, adoption included.

Cyber hugs for all the family,
Lara

Rebecca said...

Sharla - AMAZING.

What a gift!