Just Need To Acknowledge...

Ugh...  I thought I could do the every Monday thing with One Thousand Gifts, but right now, it's just not working!  The good news is, it's because my jewelry business is really taking off!!  The struggle though is that it's overwhelming...  The creativity seems to come so easily, but the business part is such a CHALLENGE!! 

I'm having a blast, I love doing the shows, even in the midst of a crazy thunderstorm and I LOVE the days when I get to stay home all day and make jewelry...  But keeping everything current on Facebook...  my website (temporarily closed because my inventory sold at my last show)... shipping...  doing inventory...  tagging jewelry... etc. etc... it's just a really big challenge...

So that being said, I'm not going to close my blog, but I probably won't be here that often...  You can follow me at www.facebook.com/designing4hope and hopefully, in the not too distant future, I have a series of blogs that I really want to write, so maybe in a few weeks...

"Learning To Love A Child..."

During our adoption process, I came across a quote by one of my favorite authors, Donald Miller (probably best known for Blue Like Jazz)...  It was in his book Painted Deserts, he wrote...

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home...some summer and some winter... My hope is that your story will be about changing...about learning to love a child...about learning to love others more than we love ourselves...

We get one story, you and I, one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?

And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."

Funny, but when this quote grabbed my heart, I had no idea how God would teach me that life is as much about the journey as it is the destination...

When we first began this journey, I naively imagined falling in love with a child from the moment we met...  I imagined a child that would love us and quickly entrust herself to us...  A little girl who would allow us to do all the things the books said we needed to do, like hug her, rock her, read to her, swing her, play with her...

Gotcha Day - July 21, 2008

 

But what I didn't understand at the time was this...  If all of that happened easily, if we quickly and easily arrived at our "destination" of a happy, well-adjusted 4th child, we would miss the incredible sights of the journey...  Sights that clearly showed us the love of God...  Lessons that taught us so much about what it means to be an adopted child of the King Most High...  Moments that took our breath away as we watched the breathtaking power of our great God...

I am so thankful that God moved us and gave us the courage to journey out...  To risk the comfortable place we'd reached with our family...  To sacrifice the known for the unknown...  It truly has been a journey of learning to love a child and it is a journey that has changed us forever.

2 years ago today, sweet Abby joined our family...  It was a hard day...  It was a hard first year...  I can't tell you how many tears I cried because I longed to hug her, hold her, just be her mom.  But God was with us every step of the way, He never stopped guiding us and He never stopped pouring His wisdom, grace and love into our hearts...

Learning to love a child is about learning to love with the heart of God...  It is a life changing, heart transforming journey...

If God has placed adoption on your heart, don't be afraid to step out in obedience...  It's a journey that you don't want to miss...  And as Donald Miller said, we each get one story...  How will your story read?  And will it impact, maybe change forever, the story of another?

Abby...  we are so blessed that God chose us to be your family.  Thank you for the smiles, the laughter, the joy you bring...  Thank you for opening your heart to us and letting us love you...  You are one special little girl... 

The Power of Love

So Out Of Touch...

Hi bloggy friends...  So sorry I have been so out of touch for so long...  20 days with no post, wow, that's the longest I've been.  Nothing is wrong, just so busy...  Teaching Revelation is one of the most difficult studies I've ever taught, but so rewarding!!  I seemed to spend so much of my time doing that...  I owe a great BIG HUGE apology to my friend Naomi who gave me a blog award, but somehow I never seemed to get it posted to my blog.  Thank you friend... Your faith is such an inspiration!

Today is my sweet Mackenzie's 12th birthday!!  It's hard to believe that it's been 12 years...  She is a bundle of pure joy!  Her smile lights up a room and she is the greatest big sister!  She is truly a blessing from God!

I've been finding time to read some GREAT books...  I can't recommend these enough...  Same Kind Of Different As Me and What Difference Do It Make? both by Ron Hall and Denver Moore.  And then I just finished one tonight called Under The Overpass...  Wow, it will rip your heart out.  It's the story of 2 college students who give up their cushy life for 5 months and live as homeless men in Washington D.C., Portland, San Francisco, Phoenix and San Diego.  What's so heartbreaking is how miserably the church fails them, more often than not!  Now I'm starting a book called The Gutter.

There seems to be a theme developing here...  All of the books I'm reading are about the homeless.  God just keeps showing me over and over how far short we're falling as the church.  In the next few days, I'll try and share a few of the quotes that have been haunting my thoughts.

Just a quick update on Ms. Abby...  It's amazing what God continues to do in her heart!  She is so immersed in the idea of family now.  One night we were going to play a game and Zack wasn't sure he wanted to play.  Abby looked at him and said, "You have to play, it's a FAMILY game."  Every weekend she asks if we can watch a family movie.  When I told her that was kind of hard since the boys don't like the same movies as the girls, she said, "I don't mind watching one of their movies, as long as it's not too scary!"  She even understands the idea of sacrificing to be part of a family!

And her relationship with me just keeps growing more and more...  She's so playful with me, her hugs are so sweet, she usually won't let go until I let go first and she LOVES to laugh!  And if I'm distracted and she's not getting the attention she wants, she has no problem in persisting until I put down whatever I'm doing!  Tonight she told me that daddy couldn't have me because "You're mine!" 

Well, that's about it for now...  I've missed blogging, so I'm sure it won't be so long till you hear from me again! 

A Second First Christmas...

So technically, Abby had her first Christmas with us last year.  But she'd only been home  4 months, her English wasn't great and it was just really hard to explain the whole idea of Christmas...  Everything seemed new and overwhelming...  

BUT this year has been a whole different story...  She has a whole memory of new (to her) traditions created last year and she has had so much fun...  She LOVED going to the mountains to cut the Christmas tree...  She couldn't wait to decorate it...  When we put the manger scene out, she remembered exactly where she had put baby Jesus' blanket that my friend had made for her when she heard how Abby was upset last Christmas that baby Jesus was cold and covered him with a piece of cotton...

And we have baked and baked and baked and baked...  Well, you get the idea!!  And she is so excited about the presents under the tree!!  This morning she came in the kitchen and said, "Mommy, I love Christmas, I am so excited!"

"Abby, why are you so excited?" 

"Because we get to open presents tomorrow..." 

"Well, what about baby Jesus?  It's His birthday afterall, and He's the only reason that we get to celebrate Christmas..."

"Mommy?  Is He excited too then?"

I had to stifle a giggle with that one...  We talk about Jesus all the time...  We pray...  She still clearly doesn't get the significance of Jesus, but I love how she thinks of Him...  She doesn't question His realness, she just doesn't understand yet what He did for her...

I told her that Jesus was very excited when we remember to celebrate His birthday and not just think about the presents...

And then her question that once again stumped me (there's been several of them over the last year)...

"Mommy, when is God's birthday?"

How do you explain to a 7 year old... who heard about God and Jesus for the very first time, just 17 months ago...  who has great social language, but is still struggling with taking thoughts and ideas and processing them on a deeper level...  and explain to her that God is not a created being?  That He has existed for all time?  That He doesn't have a birthday?  He just is?  Those thoughts blow my mind and so much of it, I just accept on faith because I see evidence of God and His love for us EVERYWHERE...  But I have no clue how to explain that to Abby...

The God we love is truly mind boggling...  He is so BIG...so HOLY...so GLORIOUS...so AWESOME...  And yet, He loved us so much that over 2000 years ago He sent His beloved Son into this world, born in a smelly manger, for the sole purpose of dying the most horrible death imaginable so that we could be in relationship with Him...

Now that kind of love blows my mind even more than the fact that God doesn't have a birthday...  I pray that someday Abby will look at me with the same wonder over what Jesus did for her on a cross as she did when I tried to explain to her that God has existed for all time...

May we all remember David's beautiful words from Psalm 8:3-4...

"When I consider your heavens,
       the work of your fingers,
       the moon and the stars,
       which you have set in place,
  what is man that you are mindful of him,
       the son of man that you care for him?"

Merry Christmas...  I pray that as you remember the birth of our Savior, you are overwhelmed by His love for you...

Some thoughts about Abby...

I haven't written about Abby in a while... Sometimes I forget that she's only been home a year, it's really amazing the changes that occur in such a short period of time...

Her language is coming along beautifully... I love her expressions and she is still so literal, it's quite funny sometime. Her vocabulary is increasing day by day... the other day she told Zack, "You're annoying me."

I mentioned in an earlier post that my time in Africa had really created some break-throughs in her relationship with Scott... That has continued and it is really sweet to watch it. But I'm still waiting for the day when she really lets me into her heart...

We've made progress, without a doubt. Our time in the afternoon has really helped... We have about 2 hours every afternoon, before anyone else gets home, to just hang out together. We do homework...read...watch a show...or play Trouble... She LOVES Trouble and she beats me all the time.

I'm having lots of opportunities to teach her about how to treat others as she wants to be treated... For instance, she came home from school one day, very upset that a little boy in her class had told her, "I hate you." We talked about it... I suggested that she needed to keep being nice to him and sure enough, he's come around. But a few days later, Mackenzie was beating her in Trouble and Abby said, "I hate you." Ouch...

After a gentle reminder of how bad that made her feel, when the little boy said it to her... She dropped her head (that's what she does when she knows she's wrong...she hides in her hair)... and was quiet for a long time. I haven't heard that one again...

She loves church and Sunday School and she's old enough to be in the GEMS group (a girl's group) at church now... Just more wonderful opportunities to make up for lost time in hearing about Jesus...

She asked me the other day if I wanted to go to heaven? I said, "Absolutely, but I think it would be nice if I could see all of you grow up first." "Does everybody get to go to heaven?" Hmmm... No... Not if they don't know Jesus as their Savior... But how do you explain the need for a Savior to a 7 year old...there are too many 40 year olds who don't understand it... I tried...but I had to be content with sowing seeds... I can plant and I can water...but only God can make it grow (1 Corinthians 3:7)...

She doesn't cry much, but when she does, the tears really flow... Just today she was really disrespectful and I had to talk to her... She dropped her head and the tears flowed...and flowed...and flowed... I knew this was more than one reprimand, but even still, she wouldn't let me comfort her... It made me really sad, but still I wait for her...

She continues to remind me so much of me, in relation to my Heavenly Father... I long to have Him close, yet sometimes I am so determined to do it on my own, so I push Him away... Like Abby, I get embarrassed by mess-ups and just want to hide my face from Him... But He loves me so much...He pours out so much grace on me... If I would just let Him wrap me in His arms, all would be fine... I'm sure He longs for the day that my attachment to Him will be as complete as I long for from Abby...

Adoption is truly an amazing journey...

Behind The Battles and Bad Behavior...

So, as I said yesterday, this post has been percolating in my heart (and head) for a few days. Several instances, not all involving my family, have stirred it up and a situation with Abby the other night really brought it to the forefront...

I need to start back when we first came home, almost a year ago (WOW, time flies!)... We had only been home a few days when Abby got really angry and threw one of her books, that we bought in China, down the stairs.

As an experienced mother of 3 children, my natural inclination was to "handle" it... Under normal circumstances, my attitude would have been, "No child gets away with that kind of behavior in our house." Our biological children will tell you, we expect respect and you never throw something in anger in our home.

But thankfully, the Holy Spirit seemed to slow me down and I realized that there was much more behind that thrown book than disrespect and anger... There was a child whose heart was breaking... A child who had left everything she knew and everyone she loved and just needed to grieve and grief isn't always neat, whether your 6 or 60. That morning, I pulled her onto my lap and she started to cry... The book ended up back on the shelf and our first outburst of grief and anger was safely behind us...

More followed in the coming months... A morning when she refused to get ready for school... Another morning when she refused to eat her breakfast... A Saturday afternoon when she refused to put away her clothes... But each time, instead of reacting with a need to "set the record straight," the Holy Spirit has reminded me of the tender, little heart that lies behind the battles and bad behavior.

A heart that has been hurt beyond anything most of us will ever know... A heart that has said 'goodbye' more times than any heart should ever have to say... A heart that has been afraid...uncertain...frustrated and broken. It takes time to heal a heart that has been hurt like that and it needs lots of love and tenderness.

Because of the past year, I am learning more and more to think about the hearts behind the battles and bad behavior...whether it's my children... a rude person at the store... or bullies at school... The bad behavior is simply a symptom of something broken and hurting on the inside.

Now, I'm not in any way suggesting that we forget the discipline and simply "love" them... To love them IS to discipline them when it's appropriate... But as I said the other day, discipline is consistent, day to day training... It is not "making your point" or "showing who's boss."

What would happen if we allowed the words of 1 Corinthians 13 to shape our discipline? I've replaced the word 'love' with the word 'discipline' because Hebrews 11:6 says, "The Lord disciplines those He loves..." discipline is a natural overflow of our love, and it should always be characterized by God's love... So discipline should look something like this...

"Christ like discipline is patient and kind...It does not boast (or lord it over others), it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Christ like discipline does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Isn't that such a picture of what God's discipline looks like in our lives? I wish I could say that my discipline always looks like that...but you know...it looks like it more today than it did yesterday and hopefully tomorrow, it will look like it a little bit more... Baby steps are still steps and thankfully, my Abba Father is patient...kind...not easily angered...always hopes and always perseveres....

And we'll move a little closer to Christ like discipline when we remember the heart behind the battles and bad behavior.

What is it about the idea of grace?

What is it with some people and the idea of grace? One of the things that has amazed me about this process is all that God has taught me about grace. I parent with so much more grace than ever before and I am a better mother to our biological children because of Abby.

But when I say that to other people, or encourage them, with their adopted child, to parent with grace, I am almost inevitably met with, "But you have to set boundaries too." Or... "You can't have grace without discipline."

Why is it that people think that grace and boundaries or grace and discipline are mutually exclusive? From those responses, it would seem that people believe that if you are showing grace, you are not disciplining... That you are somehow letting the child "get away" with things that they shouldn't...

But if I look at the example of my Heavenly Father, His discipline is ALWAYS...100% of the time...WITHOUT fail...characterized by grace. Discipline and grace are NOT mutually exclusive...they are inextricably linked...or at least they should be...

Discipline should NEVER be administered without an abundance of grace. If God gave us what we deserve at any given moment, where would we be? I am so incredibly thankful that He doesn't feel the need to fix all that is wrong with me in a day, but that through His grace, He allows transformation to be a process...

This is a lesson that I have learned over and over this past year with Abby... I'm certain that people have thought that I let her "get away" with too much. But God has shown us clearly this year that for true change...for true obedience...a relationship is needed, so I've focused on building that relationship... not as her friend, but as her mother... Meeting her most basic needs time and time again... making sure that she is never hungry... being patient with so many little things because they were opportunities to build trust at the most basic level.

In many ways, even though she was 6 when we adopted her, Abby needed to be treated like a newborn for a time. She needed time to learn to trust us... Just because we had a piece of paper that said we were her parents, it didn't automatically make us her parents in her heart or mind, and we needed to respect her by respecting that...

As the adult, I expected the most basic degree of respect from her and there were certain boundaries that were not negotiable...but it has only been in the last few months that I have really been in the mode of teaching her what it means to respect me as her mother, with her attitude, her tone of voice, etc. And yet, that discipline (which by the way refers to consistent training, NOT punishment) has been applied with an abundance of grace...

And do you know, the walls are really coming down! If you were able to spend any time with us, you would see a really special relationship developing between the two of us. She comes to me for almost everything...even to untangle her Barbie's hair! She sits in bed with me if I'm sick, or just want to read... She comes looking for me when she can't find me... Tonight, my shoulder was hurting and she pinched and rubbed it with those precious little hands for over 1/2 an hour. I kept saying, "Abby, if you're hands are tired, it's ok to stop..." "I fine mommy!" And she is trusting me with her stories from China, like how she was afraid when the buildings would shake (the earthquake)... No one else gets to hear those stories...

Grace is reaping a hefty reward... Allowing her to grow into this relationship, not demanding that she treat me a certain way has been long and difficult at times...sometimes frustrating...even more times, heartbreaking... But to see where we are now is so worth it...

But if you're one of those who believe that grace and discipline are mutually exclusive, you may be thinking, "Well I bet that child is a terror..." Far from it... She is an utter joy! She is obedient... I rarely have to ask her to do anything more than once... A firm word easily corrects attitudes and actions and she is polite beyond description. It didn't happen overnight... but discipline...consistently and gently applied...with abundant grace and love has been the key.

When the walls of the levys in New Orleans came down...it wasn't the gale force winds of Katrina that did it... It was the constant pressure of the water against the walls... And that is what our love and grace can do for these precious children who have been through so much...it will, over time, bring down the walls of their hearts. I think the photos from the previous post really give you a picture of that...

Gotcha Day... One Year Ago Today!!

It's hard to believe that it has been one year since we met Abby... I will never forget that day and the days...weeks...months that followed. That one step of faith has blessed our lives in ways we never dreamed possible. Here is a summary of the year in pictures...

Meeting Abby... So sad, it was just heartbreaking...









First Smile... And what a beautiful smile it was!!



First Poundcake!!





First Bike (Thank you Mr and Mrs. G!!)



I just love this photo!!



First day of school...



Taking pictures at her first soccer game...



At the Apple Orchard...



First Lost Tooth...



Playing in the leaves...



First Gingerbread House...



First Christmas Morning...



"Baby Jesus Cold..."



Celebrating Our First Chinese New Year...



First Birthday Party...



First Reunion with Penny (her foster sister)



Photos In The Garden... (I'll post more of these on my photo blog)



Isn't she beautiful!

What an amazing year! She is such a blessing to our family and I'm so thankful that one year ago today, God moved mountains to bring her into our lives. Happy Gotcha Day Sweet Abby, I'm so glad you're a part of our Forever Family! We love you!!

Laughter After The Storm...

You can see them coming for days... They build and build... the moods get snitty...the talking subsides...the laughter all but disappears...every little thing is a big deal...and then she cries...

Since we came home, Abby's grieving periods have been like thunderstorms...they build up and then the bottom falls out, but afterwards, the air is so fresh and clean...

I had seen it coming since her birthday...probably before that and then last Saturday, when she had to clean her room with Mackenzie, the bottom fell out of the tear cloud... Finally, she sat down on a step with me and cried and cried. I knew it wasn't really about cleaning their room, she just needed to grieve.

Each time this happens, she emerges as a breath of fresh air, but this time has been different, she's been more like a ray of sunshine. It's almost like, as each storm passes, she becomes more and more of who she really is, it's quite amazing to watch...

This week, since the storm, she's been a singing star..."You wanna hear a song...gooooood....let's go!"... a Barbie cheerleader... a little model... a hairstylist... She has played with me...made me laugh...she has been the sunshine after the storm.

Tonight she went with me to take a meal to a mom who recently had a baby... We ran by the grocery store before we went and everything I said was met with an "Aw maaaan..."

The conversation went something lie this...

"Abby, we're going to see a lady who just had a baby..."

"She had a baby? Aw maaan... Why?"

"Because God wanted her to..."

"Aw maaan...how old is she?"

"I don't know, old enough to have a baby..."

"Aw maaan..."

I was so tickled, I couldn't stop laughing! Later I was telling Scott that Abby had a new word... "Aw maaan, " Abby said, "But you learned it to me." "Abby, you mean I taught you that?" "Mommy, you learned it to me." I looked at Scott and his eyes confirmed what she was saying... It's like living my own reality tv show... I get to see (and hear) myself as I really am...

To adopt an older child is to experience the blessing of seeing God's restoring power first hand... What God created in the garden was really special, but then sin messed it up... In redemption and restoration we find the person that God intended for us to be...

Happy Birthday Abby!!

This time last year, all I could do was make arrangements to have a cake delivered to Abby in China... she had no idea who we were, but our hearts had been longing for her...

This was my journal entry from that day...

Dear Abby,

As I write this, I think it's about lunch time for you and it's your 6th birthday! It makes me sad that we aren't with you to celebrate it, but next year we will be!

I hope you received your care package today and your birthday cake! Do you like your new stuffed animal puppy and your books?

The papers they gave us, that told us about you, said that you love books and puppies. I hope they were right and that somehow you can feel our love for you from so many miles away.

I can't help but wonder if today was the day that you found out that you're being adopted? I'm not sure when China tells the foster parents, so our letter to you and your foster parents could very well be the first time you hear about it.

I wonder if you're scared or sad? My prayer is that somehow God will give you peace and that you'll know deep in your heart that everything is going to be ok...that you might even be a little excited. I hope this is a good birthday surprise for you!

I pray that when you look at our faces in the photos that you will somehow know how much you're loved...I pray that when you read the letter that you will somehow feel our love for you packed into every single word.

You are a very special little girl, so many people are praying for you and waiting for you to come home so they can meet you.

I pray that today is a wonderful day for you and I also pray that God is protecting you and preparing your sweet little heart to meet your new family.

Happy Birthday, sweet one!

Love,
Mom

I didn't actually get to send this letter to her, it was just an expression of what was in my heart that day... My sweet friend Dawn, who has also adopted from China surprised me and brought over a birthday present for Abby, little Ava had picked out the most adorable pink princess dress for her and a really cute outfit...

So here we are one year later and we are having a very special princess birthday party for Abby!! She has a new Cinderella dress and crown... a beautiful princess birthday cake and can you keep a secret...Sleeping Beauty is coming to her party! I can't wait to see Abby's face when she opens the door to find Sleeping Beauty... More later...

Over The Top Wonderful Continues... We're On A Roll!!

I admit, I was a little concerned that yesterday's "Mommy, can I get a hug?" wouldn't be repeated for a while... For 9 months it's been 3 steps forward and 2 steps back... One amazing moment only to come crashing down pretty quickly...

But today, as she was about to run down the street with Mackenzie, she came back, with her little arms open, asking for a hug! Even Mackenzie didn't do that... Abby did it all on her own!!

I just stood there and smiled!

Indescribable...Amazing... WOW... Over The Top Wonderful!!

Ok, for those of you who have been following our adoption journey for a while, you know that I have really struggled because Abby has resisted hugging me, or any other real kind of affection. As a mom who's love language is affection, this has been indescribably hard... My heart has been wounded more times than I can count, when she has so blatantly rejected my affection but would willingly give it to someone else...

I know, I know, for some that would scream significant attachment issues, but I really don't think that was at the root of what was going on. Having had 4 'moms' in her young 6 years, I really believe that she has been having a hard time trusting me, really believing that this is for real...

I'll give you an example related to Scott... Scott has been travelling all week this week. When he left on Monday morning, he left a card for each day that he was gone for me (yes, he is WONDERFUL!! He knows how to speak my other love language, words of affirmation) but he also left a note for each of the kids for me to give them on Wednesday.

So yesterday, I brought out the notes for the kids... As I brought Abby hers, she looked at me and said, "Why daddy give me note? He not coming back?" Just writing that makes me want to cry... But it became very clear to me in that moment that she is still afraid that we aren't forever...

Well, several posts back I wrote about how God was teaching me that I needed to accept Abby's love language and quit expecting a one size fits all road to attachment (Love In Their Language)....

So, that's what I've been doing... At the end of that post I said I was going to make her a card and I really did! I made one for her and Mackenzie and put them on their pillows, of course I couldn't wait for bedtime for them to find them, so the minute they came home from school, I had them go and look for them...They both LOVED their cards...

Well, a few days later Abby brought me the most beautiful picture that she had spent days (Scott knew about it) working on... It said, "Love You...Mother's Day...Happy Mother's Day!" I so wanted to scoop her up in my arms and hug her, but I just made a big fuss and we're looking for the perfect picture frame together...

When I stopped longing for her love on my terms, I found that it was all around me... But today, was one of those amazing, miracle moments...

We rushed home from the baseball game and dinner and Nick and I had to be back at school for a high school transition meeting... So we ran in the house for a minute and as I'm leaving I hear from the top of the stairs... "Love you mommy... Mommy? Can I get a hug?" Yes, you read that right, she asked me for a hug!!!!!

In that moment, I felt like I won the lottery! It was Indescribable... Amazing... WOW... Over The Top Wonderful!!

God is teaching me such an important lesson in perseverance...He is teaching me to love beyond what I would ever dream or think possible...Not just Abby, but all of my children.

One of my favorite quotes that I read when we started this journey was by Donald Miller, "Through Painted Desserts"...

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home...some summer and some winter... My hope is that your story will be about changing...about learning to love a child...about learning to love others more than we love ourselves...

We get one story, you and I, one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?

And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."

I am the one who has changed, I am learning to love a child...to love others more than myself... Wow, what an incredible journey!!

Love In Their Language!

Ok, first...April, the photo is for you! LOL!! Yeah, I read your message about how you like blogs better with some photos and I haven't posted a photo in a while... This one is from Easter!

So, for the reason for this post... I've been wrestling A LOT lately with Abby's reluctance to hug and be hugged... Actually, I've wrestled with it for 9 months, since Gotcha Day. We worked out a compromise this week, at the suggestion of her older foster sister, who was adopted at the same time.

She suggested that we establish the times when we would hug and how long the hugs would be... So Abby and I agreed that it would be twice a day...when she left for school and at bed time and that they would be short, gentle hugs, no bear hugs!

Interestingly, she opens her arms to me for hugs now...she seems to be much more willing to give them and receive them...

But all of this got me thinking... (uh...oh!)

I love the book "Love Languages." I'm sure most everyone has read it by now, but there are 5 love languages... Physical touch/affection, Quality time, Gifts, Words of Encouragement and Service.

My love language is DEFINITELY affection and words of encouragement! But Scott's is service... He has the most amazing servant's heart, he will even clean the toilets for me....he's amazing.

But when we started dating, I was such a dope... I demanded that he love me with hugs and words of encouragement and when he didn't, I was annoyingly insecure in the relationship. It took a lot of time (and a broken heart for a few months) for me to finally understand that I needed to hear his "I love you," in his acts of service...which frankly, requires a whole lot more of a person than my love language...it's easy to give a person a hug and a few words of encouragement, that doesn't require that I give so much of myself...but acts of service and quality time require something of the whole person.

So anyway, in mulling over the 'hug' thing with Abby, it hit me square between the eyes (and in the heart) that I was falling into the same trap with her as I did with Scott, over 20 years ago!

Abby's love language is quality time and I think maybe gifts...she loves, I mean LOVES to draw beautiful pictures for everyone...cards...whatever...she wants to know their favorite color and then she creates the most beautiful works of art.

So all this time that I've been worrying about attachment and the lack of physical touch, maybe attachment isn't a 'one size fits all' deal... Maybe attachment is more about love being expressed from the heart in the ways that say I love you to them...instead of what says "I love you" to us.

I realize that physical touch is necessary, and she doesn't shy away from that anymore...she's ok with being tickled...she lets me wash her hair...she'll sit close to me in the chair to watch a movie...

But what I need to take away from this is that I need to stop pushing the "hugging" thing and love her in her love language...

But isn't that just the way our heavenly Father does it for us... I think I've said this a million times since I became a Christian... "I'm awed at how God meets us right where we are." I could tell you a gazillion stories about how God spoke (not audibly) but visibly into my life in a way that I could TOTALLY get... Some might call them coincidences, but there's comes a point when it happens so many times that it takes more faith to believe in coincidences than it does to just see it for what it is... God reaching out to us in a personal and intimate way.

So, I'm turning over a new leaf... I'm going to seek out fun and creative ways to love Abby everyday in way that clearly says, "I love you" in her heart language...not just mine... Hmmm...think I'll go make a card!

Jesus' Favorite Color? (Updated with an answer to a question - the update is in red)

It was sweet listening to Mackenzie try and explain Easter to Abby yesterday. We were on our way to church for our Maundy Thursday service, where we take time to remember Jesus' last night before His crucifixion on Friday, and Abby wanted to know why we were going to church in the middle of the week.

And once again, we found ourselves in the dilemma of explaining Jesus to a child who doesn't have a complete grasp of our language and who really has no concept of who Jesus is and what He did for us...yet.

I got tickled as I tried to listen through her ears and her little mind... (Mackenzie) "Well, we're going to church because Jesus died..." (Abby) "He died?" (Mackenzie) "He died, but then He came to life again." (Abby) "He...?" (Mackenzie) "3 days later He rose...He came to life again." (Abby) "Oh..."

You could just see the little wheels turning, trying to figure out exactly what we were talking about... I tried to explain to her that it happened 2000 years ago and that we just take time to remember because He loved us so much.

Well then we got the brilliant idea to try and explain to her about Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, how they disobeyed God...how that caused us to be separated from Him and because He loved us so much He wanted to make a way for us to come back to Him... So Jesus allowed Himself to be killed, to take the punishment for what we did, and now someday we can go and live in heaven with Him!

Yea... a little much...but how do you explain the greatest gift in the history of mankind?! I just don't think it's something you can put into words, it's something she will come to understand, over time, in her heart.

I was a little concerned about how this conversation was going...she got really quiet for a while and then I hear, "Mommy, I think I'd like to go to heaven someday.... What do you think Jesus' favorite color is?"

I don't know why but that question has captured my heart... Jesus is becoming so real to her!

(UPDATE... My friend April asked a good question in her comment... why Abby wanted to know what Jesus' favorite color is... Abby LOVES color...she has a beautiful eye for color and it's very important to her to know what colors we like...she often asks me to choose colors that I love when she is making me a bracelet or a picture...so that's why it said to me that Jesus was becoming very real to her...it's a question that she often asks of people who are important to her.)

Last night, Mackenzie had a friend sleepover and so I let them stay up a little later than usual... When it was time for them to go to bed, Mackenzie said, "Can I keep reading to Abby?"... "Sure...what are you reading to her?" ... "The story of Adam and Eve and now I want to read her the story of Jesus and the cross... I'm reading to her from the Rhyming Bible since it's easier to understand."

Sweet Mackenzie went back to the beginning, she took time to simplify it, even when she had a good friend over, she was concerned that Abby understand what Jesus did for us!

Happy Easter... May we all take the time to remember what Jesus did for us!

Just Thinking...

Yesterday was Abby's second trip to the dentist since we've been home. I was hoping that it would be much better than the first when they had to use the 'power washer' on her teeth to get them clean...but that was not to be the case.

Apparently power washing gets the heavy stuff off, but they still need to be scraped with that annoying little torture device, so Abby had to sit through that yesterday. She was not happy but I unashamedly bribed her with a play date today and it worked...she opened her mouth wide and let them get it done. But bless her heart, I felt so bad for her.

I mean think about it... being adopted is supposed to be a HUGE blessing (and in reality, we know it is better that she has a forever family, better medical and dental care, more educational opportunities, etc.,) but from her 6 year old perspective, in the last 8 months she's been to the doctor numerous times...been poked, prodded, given shots, water squirted in her ears (by the pediatrician...not me!!), had her teeth power washed and scraped...she has to go to school, clean her room, help around the house...some blessing from her perspective!

But yesterday, as I was standing in her shoes (in my heart) for a while, it occurred to me that this is alot like it is when you are adopted older, in a spiritual sense (aka...when you become a Christian at an older age, like I did...age 33).

I think many people have this idea that when you become a Christian, everything is going to get better... that somehow Jesus is Mr. Fix It and He'll make your life work. But that's not how it is at all... He goes to work on your heart and it's a long, and often painful, process.

As you start to read your Bible, He pokes and prods at thoughts and attitudes that aren't very Christ-like... Maybe He'll shine His bright light on your selfishness...or critical attitude...maybe He'll tear down some idols in your heart.... it can be very similar to going to the doctor or dentist...it's a cleansing and healing, a sanctification process that is often painful and makes you want to run in the opposite direction... It kind of helps you understand why the Israelites kept wanting to go back to Egypt.

Hebrews 4:12 says, "For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

When I first became a Christian, my heart needed some serious power washing...it needed to be scraped and cleaned...and those early years were tough as I learned to trust Him and let Him do His work in my heart.

But I'm so glad I did... After 10 years I know a peace and joy like I've never known. It doesn't mean there's never a problem...there's plenty of them...but I can rest that I am not in this battle alone and I can know for sure that He loves me and will never leave me or forsake me, that He loves me unconditionally and He will forgive me when I mess up (which I frequently do)!

And I'm happy to say that while my heart continues to need daily maintenance and cleansing, it's not nearly as hard as it was in the beginning!

I think I understand a little better now where Abby is coming from and that will make me more empathetic as I walk through things with her that my other children don't even blink at... You see, they were like those who become Christians early in their life...it's what they've known their entire life...so doctor's appointment and dental check-ups are just as natural to life as lessons that God has for them everyday...

What an amazing journey this continues to be!

How Do You Explain God?

How do you explain God to a 6 year old child? How do you explain God to someone who has never heard of Him? Thought of Him? Or in her little mind, seen much evidence of Him in her life?

Well, after our day on Monday, things got very interesting last night. As with the anger and tears that we've experienced in the past, Monday was like a cleansing rain. Yesterday, she was back to herself... talking to me constantly, coloring me a beautiful bookmark and soaking in our praise of her amazing creative ability.

From my last post, I mentioned that she had a place on her hand that was causing me concern... It started about a week ago as just a little bump that was all of sudden starting to get red and look infected. I immediately started applying antibiotic cream and covering it so that it wouldn't spread. But by Monday night, it looked terrible... really red, swollen, just yukky. So that was what brought the angry words about God on Monday night, when we looked at it, even she knew I was going to have to call the doctor on Tuesday.

Well, when Scott put her to bed on Monday night, he prayed for her hand and yesterday morning, when I checked it, it was GREATLY improved...the swelling was gone and it was just a little red! By the afternoon, it looked even better!!

When I put her to bed last night, I pointed out that daddy had prayed for her hand and look at how much better it is... And that brought a barrage of questions...

On Monday night, she started with Is He a boy or girl? Then last night... Where is God? Why can't I see Him? Is He in the sky? Is He looking over us? Is He nice or mean? Who does God pray to?

How do you explain that God is Spirit...that He's not a boy or a girl? I told her that He tells us to call Him Father so I think of Him as a boy... But Jesus talked about how He longed to gather Jerusalem to Himself as a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wings...

So God is Father... He is a Warrior... He is a Shepherd... But He nurtures us, cares for us and loves us like a mother for her children...

How do you explain that just because we can't see God, He is still there? How do I explain where He lives? That yes, He is watching over us every moment, that He never slumbers nor sleeps?

How do I explain to a 6 year old, who has never heard of Him...who has never heard the word sin...who has no concept of how desperately we need a Savior to be reconciled to God, that it's not a matter of nice or mean...that it's about the most AMAZING love we could ever imagine? That we can't measure who He is by our circumstances but by the single greatest act of love in the history of creation?

And how do I explain to her that God doesn't need anyone to pray for? That He is the Creator of all things...that He is above all things...that all things were created by Him and for Him and that He answers to no one?

Some pretty deep questions for a 6 year old!!

I've been thinking about "unreached people groups" (people who have never heard the gospel) since our church showed us a video. I had no idea that, according to the Joshua Project, 40.8% of the world's population is still unreached with the gospel. That was shocking to me!

And now, as we struggle to teach Abby about God, I have a whole new appreciation for the struggles that missionaries face... In America, even if you don't believe in Jesus, at least most everyone has some concept of God. And to even begin to have an understanding of Jesus, you have to get the magnitude and awesomeness of God.

(Side trail... I think if people would really stop and consider the implications of God they might be more able to see their need for a Savior. I think I'll flesh that thought out in another blog though...that could be a long side trail.)

But how can Abby even begin to grasp the idea of Jesus until she begins to get the magnitude of God? Even though I didn't become a Christian till Zack was about 5, God was not a foreign idea to them...

I know it's not anything I have to worry about... God is holding her in the palm of His hand and He loves her beyond anything I could imagine... So I trust Him to speak to her heart, at just the right time, to give her understanding at just the right moment and to give Scott and I the words of wisdom that we need for every conversation...

But as her questions make me stop and consider our awesome God, I am once again overwhelmed at how truly AMAZING He is!!

Piercing The Heart...

Wow...today has just been a day of heart piercing lessons. Of course, I went on a Women's Retreat this weekend. It was called Soul Refill and I needed it! It was a wonderful weekend, so I should have known to expect this, but I was completely unprepared for what Abby threw my way today...

It started at breakfast this morning... It is our routine to read a book while she eats breakfast each morning. This morning the book was about a Koala mommy who told her Koala baby, "I love you, I really do." I thought it would be a great opportunity to use the book to teach about what mommy's do with their children...so each page I would draw a parallel to how I love her and Mackenzie.

At then end of the book, she gave me a really angry look and said, "Why you say that so much?" I was so shocked so I asked very gently, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" This time she wouldn't make eye contact with me, and the fierce challenge of her attitude was gone, but she repeated the question, "Why you say that so much?" "Because I do Abby...just because I do."

And then as she prepared herself to be hugged, she reminded me once again that I couldn't give her a kiss...it's always only the top of her head, but that's fine...I respect those boundaries and have been since she asked me not to give her a kiss. I told her that she doesn't need to remind me everytime, to which she responded, "You might forget." OUCH!!

After she left for school, I considered the power of the tongue. That a 6 year old's words could pierce my heart so sharply stopped me in my tracks... It reminded me that my words to others have the same power.

But then this evening, as I put her to bed, I looked at a place on her hand that has been causing me some concern... It's not looking any better and she immediately understood that this would mean another trip to the doctor.

All of a sudden she looked at me and said, "I not talk about God, He do this." Where on earth did that come from? So I tried to explain to her that God did not hurt her hand...

And then came the discussion about China...

"In China, I NOT go to the doctor..." "I NOT have sore on my hand..." "I NOT cough..." "I NOT go to the dentist..."

Funny how Israel always wants to go back to Egypt...if you don't know what I'm talking about, grab a Bible and read the book of Exodus. God delivered the Israelites from Egypt and every time something didn't go their way, they decided that slavery was better than a little discomfort.

I don't mean to imply that we're Abby's deliverer...but the point is that somehow we always forget the reality of what we've come from... Abby didn't have a forever family... No real security...or even much hope for the future... Through an amazing blessing, we are able to offer her that... But like the Israelites, somehow Egypt just looks better to her.

So I told her how sorry I was that she was so unhappy...that I loved her so much and that is why I take her to the doctor when she's sick and to get her teeth cleaned. I tried to explain to her that when you really love someone, you do the things that are hard, even if it hurts a little. I said "Abby, if I didn't love you so much, I would let your hand get infected and your teeth rot out. But I do love you so I take care of you."

She just sat and stared at me... "Why you look at me? Why you sit on my bed?" After a little bit I said "Abby, I think it's interesting that when we talk about birthday parties and presents and friends, you like being here... But when it comes to things you don't ike...doctors... dentists... coughs... hurt hands ... cleaning... you prefer China."

To which she responded, "Mommy, you tell me it's time to go to bed." Hmmm... she clearly doesn't like to be called on her stuff.

Abby is clearly angry with me today... I guess it could be related to my going away this weekend, but something tells me that that is not what is going on...

I think this has to do with the grieving process... She finally has language to express herself and it's all coming out. This is not the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last. I guess I should be thankful that she is beginning to feel secure enough with me that I'm the one she's lashing out against...but I admit, it pierces my heart.

But again, it made me think about my relationship with my Heavenly Father... I may not say I want to go back to Egypt...to the slavery of sin...but sometimes I sure act like I do. I treat His provision as if it's not enough. It hurts when your children aren't content with your provision... there's no doubt that my own spiritual tantrums grieve my Father's heart..

I pray that tomorrow is a better day, but I have a sense that we may be entering in to a season... the walls of her heart are trying to come down and she is lashing out against loving us and receiving our love. I pray that someday she will rest in the truth that she is ours...we love...we will never leave her...we are hers forver.

One Year Ago Today, Part 2

And now for the rest of the story... (You'll have to read yesterday's to get the beginning of the story!)

When I left off yesterday, I was frustrated and the work on our dossier had come to a screeching halt because I had no peace about submitting it through our agency. By this point, I was watching Abby's file everyday to see if someone accepted her referral and on a day when I was sick at home, I answered a nudge in my heart to get the papers ready for the last step of sending them to the Consulate in DC...

So, I got up a little early on the morning of February 26, last year, and gave myself some extra time to stop and purchase the necessary money orders to send the package to the Consulate. I went on to Bible Study and on the way home I stopped by the FedEx box and sent it on its way.

As was routine by now, I came home to check the website to see the status of her file and for the first time in weeks, she was available again... No one was reviewing her file! How on earth was that possible? Her special needs were so minor... She was adorable... It could only be God moving hearts.

I immediately started calling her agency and sent an e-mail... This is a segment of my post from February 26 last year...

"Yesterday I was filled with a sense of urgency to complete the paperwork, so I'll trust that I was obedient to that prompting and not worry about the rest.

One thing I'm learning...this is truly a walk of faith...of taking one step at a time with no expectation of what will come next. I'm learning what it means to live surrendered, at least where adoption is concerned...hopefully it's a lesson that I will learn to apply more and more to all areas of my life.

There was a precious little girl on a Waiting Child list that we inquired about...but she was not to be ours. Now there's another little girl that I've watched for weeks...she was on hold for so long and I never expected her to become available again, but today she did.

It may mean nothing...and it may mean everything. The only thing to do is take the next step and inquire (I did that right away!) The best thing about trusting God though is that He is in control...when He reveals a step, we take it and then we stop and wait until He reveals the next step. We don't have to force anything, we just have to be watchful, sensitive and obedient. It sounds so simple, but too often I make it so complicated.

I can't wait to see what God does...He is so BIG... it's fun and humbling to watch Him in action. This is truly an amazing journey."

But God still had a HUGE mountain to move if she was to be ours...a mountain of money that we had already paid to our other agency. I e-mailed the agency, told them we were interested in adopting her and explained our situation and then there was silence, they didn't even acknowledge that we were interested. But I asked a few family members to pray that God would do a work in their hearts and at least agree to reduce the fees a little (so Scott would see that this was truly God's plan...ya see, I had it all figured out! LOL!)

Finally, on March 5 I couldn't stand it any longer, I e-mailed them again... I told them the story of seeing her and watching her for weeks and tried one more time to get an answer (they were busy with the referrals for that month). This time I got a response, the Special Needs Coordinator was going to print my e-mails and take them to the Executive Director to see what could be done...

Late the next day, I received an e-mail that said that since our dossier was complete, they would waive the initial fees plus give us the Special Needs Grant...it totaled to be the exact amount we had paid to the other agency...God moved mountains! But there was one last mountain, there was one other family reviewing her file, but they had some medical issues... Thankfully I didn't have to wait long for this answer...

The next day, the infamous packet of paperwork returned from Washington DC, fully authenticated AND we received an e-mail that Abby was ours if we accepted the referral! Somehow in all of this, I hadn't even given them our phone number so they could call us and tell us!

I will never forget that Friday afternoon! God moved mountains... I knew that whatever happened from that point on, I could look back on what God had done and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were walking in the center of His will!

A Year Ago Today... (Part 1)

Over and over in Scripture, God tells His people to remember His great works... Remembering reminds us of God's greatness and power, it can renew and refresh our sense of awe and wonder and it can strengthen our faith. The journey to adopt Abby was an amazing process where we saw God's hand over and over, so I thought I'd take a little time and remember the days leading up to receiving our referral for Abby.

When we first decided to adopt, in May of 2007, I just assumed that we would adopt a child who was non-special needs and as young as possible. But as I worked on our dossier, God worked on my heart... With each passing week (it seemed) He moved my heart to consider older and older (Scott was already there).

Almost from the start, I watched the Waiting Child lists for different agencies, because I knew somewhere deep in my heart that that's where we would find Abby. I didn't know how we'd find her, I just always knew that I would know her by her eyes.

We signed with an agency almost immediately after deciding that we would adopt, but I was incredibly frustrated by how they were handling Special Needs referrals... It seemed like it changed every month and so I kept watching other agency lists, even though I knew Scott would never agree to changing agencies because we already had quite a bit of money invested in our agency.

I worked hard on our paperwork from May to October and as I left for Africa, in November of '07, I sent a huge packet of paperwork to our state government. My plan was that it would be here when I came home and I would only have one last step before we could send everything to China.

But in Africa, I tore my ACL... With the swirling emotions of what we had experienced in Africa, trying to decide what to do about my knee and a complete loss of peace about submitting our dossier, that final packet of paperwork got put on a shelf and the process to adopt came to a screeching halt.

On December 14, 2007, I had my ACL repaired and the following week, as I sat in a chair recuperating, I decided to check the Waiting Child program of an agency I had followed from the beginning... They had a new list, in fact, their last paper list before China went to its new way of referring special needs children...

As I opened the list, this was the face I saw...



There was just something about the eyes... I opened the rest of the file ( I had gotten a password from them months before) and these were the other two pictures...





As I sat and looked at her picture I said, "Lord, could it be her?" Then I laughed at myself... We were with a different agency, she was adorable and all of their clients had the first opportunity to review her file, I couldn't even inquire about her. So I said, "Ok, if she's ours, then you'll have to move some hearts to make it happen."

As I expected, her file was placed on hold after the first round of applications and every few days, I would check to see if she had been changed from 'available' to 'referred'. And every time, she would still be listed as 'available.'

As January turned into February, I was feeling so hopeless about the whole adoption process... I had no peace and I just could not bring myself to send off that final packet of paperwork. And with each passing day, I would hold my breath as I checked the website to see what had happened with 'Dani'... that was the name the agency had given her on their website...

One year ago today, February 25 was on a Monday (last year was a Leap Year)... In Community Bible Study, leadership meets on Monday to prepare for Tuesday, so normally, that's where I would have been. But I was sick that day... I had had some scar tissue develop in my knee from surgery and it was causing tremendous pain at night and I wasn't sleeping... I was worn down, worn out and so I stayed home that day.

As I sat curled up in my favorite chair, there was a nudge in my heart... 'Finish your paperwork.' And in my heart I whined, "But I don't want to." "Finish your paperwork." I was so frustrated, even if I did finish, who would I send it to... I still had no peace about our agency, which was translating into no peace about the adoption in general... "Finish your paperwork."

So I drug myself out of my chair and went upstairs to my computer to print off and complete those 'pain in the rear' forms that are necessary to have your documents authenticated by the embassy. I filled out the FedEx envelopes and everything was ready to go, except the money orders... That would just have to wait until the next day... And so will you to read the rest of this story! (Yes my friend April, I'm taking a page from your playbook!!)

Stay tuned because it's a cool God story!!

19 WONDERFUL Years!!! (And a traumatic doctor's visit...)

So really this is two posts in one... I had planned to write about our anniversary today, but then Abby got sick, so I'll tell a little story about that too...

First, today is our 19th Wedding Anniversary!! Wow...where did the time go? We met in college, dated for 4 years and then got married. When he proposed to me, he provoked a fight first and then waited until I had a mouth full of baked potato to pop the question!!! Pretty romantic, huh?! It's just a miracle that I didn't choke to death because after 4 years, I really didn't think he'd ever ask!!

After we married we moved a long...long way from home... Michigan... probably the best thing that could have ever happened to us because we were forced to depend on each other and we didn't have the distraction of our friends or family...some other place to run when we had a fight.

We had plenty of those (fights) in the early years...mostly my fault...I'm still amazed that he stuck it out with me all those years. But he did and when I finally became a Christian, I realized that all those years he had been God's instrument to teach me what unconditional love was like...

Scott is an amazing man...he has a true servant's heart...he's taken care of more than his fair share of sick children...I can't begin to describe the support he gives me to be the Teaching Director for Community Bible Study...and he will even clean the bathrooms for me!

Of course, as wonderful as the 19 years have been, they haven't been perfect...we've had our struggles, some harder than others, but I wouldn't change a second of even the hardest trials because they've shaped us into the couple we are today... It takes a lot of years...a lot of heat and a lot of pressure to form dirty, yukky carbon atoms (otherwise known as coal) into a diamond and I feel like that's what God has done with our marriage!

So on this day, I am so thankful for the most wonderful man in the world! And I want to encourage you... if you're at a hard place in your marriage...hang in there...pray (don't try and be your husband's Holy Spirit) and let our amazing God of restoration and transformation do the rest...in you first and then your husband!!

We were so blessed to be able to spend this past weekend in the mountains at our friend's cabin! They are so generous to share their cabin, with us and others, and we love to go there and hide away for a few days. My mom came and kept the kids and Abby did great...but it warmed my heart to see the smile on her face when we pulled into the driveway!

Speaking of Abby...now for the story about the doctor's appointment. Abby has had a lingering cough and it has been getting worse the last couple of days. She scared me to death this morning when she had so much gunk in her chest that she was having a hard time catching her breath till she got some of it up...

Turns out she has a nasty case of bronchitis...but the doctor's visit was really hard. I LOVE the practice we go to, but I learned a lesson today, when they start their exam, I need to remember to tell them that Abby is still very sensitive to touch.

When he started to feel the glands in her neck, she squirmed and whined and scrunched up her shoulders so he couldn't get to them...touch like that is still very ticklish to her. Then, the light in the ears... YIKES. But it got worse...she has a lot of wax in her ears (apparently very common in Asian children) so they wanted to flush it out with water and peroxide.

You would have thought the nurse was pulling out her fingernails...she cried and cried...which made her cough and cough...finally they gave up and told me to use some ear drops to help get rid of it...that should be a load of fun for the next two weeks!

It was pretty clear to me that the doctor thought I should be a little tougher with her, even though I kept trying to explain to him that we still have some sensory issues. He's a great doctor, so I'm not being critical of him... But hopefully you can learn from my experience, if you've adopted older and your child is overly sensitive to touch...warn your doctor...the nurse...whomever before the exam begins, when you have their full attention and they're really listening...

So Abby is on her first antibiotic (with us anyway) and we have some work to do on what it means to be a good patient...but then, if my experiences had been hers in the last 6 months with doctors and dentists, I might not be such a good patient either. Of course it doesn't help when she tells you, "I never cough like this in China."

Oh...and just real quick...a few of you have asked about Zack... His ankle is badly sprained. He's itching to get back on the soccer field, but I know it hurts because he's not fighting me about it.

Tomorrow and the next day, I have a story of "One Year Ago" to tell you... the start of our journey to Abby!