Love In Their Language!

Ok, first...April, the photo is for you! LOL!! Yeah, I read your message about how you like blogs better with some photos and I haven't posted a photo in a while... This one is from Easter!

So, for the reason for this post... I've been wrestling A LOT lately with Abby's reluctance to hug and be hugged... Actually, I've wrestled with it for 9 months, since Gotcha Day. We worked out a compromise this week, at the suggestion of her older foster sister, who was adopted at the same time.

She suggested that we establish the times when we would hug and how long the hugs would be... So Abby and I agreed that it would be twice a day...when she left for school and at bed time and that they would be short, gentle hugs, no bear hugs!

Interestingly, she opens her arms to me for hugs now...she seems to be much more willing to give them and receive them...

But all of this got me thinking... (uh...oh!)

I love the book "Love Languages." I'm sure most everyone has read it by now, but there are 5 love languages... Physical touch/affection, Quality time, Gifts, Words of Encouragement and Service.

My love language is DEFINITELY affection and words of encouragement! But Scott's is service... He has the most amazing servant's heart, he will even clean the toilets for me....he's amazing.

But when we started dating, I was such a dope... I demanded that he love me with hugs and words of encouragement and when he didn't, I was annoyingly insecure in the relationship. It took a lot of time (and a broken heart for a few months) for me to finally understand that I needed to hear his "I love you," in his acts of service...which frankly, requires a whole lot more of a person than my love language...it's easy to give a person a hug and a few words of encouragement, that doesn't require that I give so much of myself...but acts of service and quality time require something of the whole person.

So anyway, in mulling over the 'hug' thing with Abby, it hit me square between the eyes (and in the heart) that I was falling into the same trap with her as I did with Scott, over 20 years ago!

Abby's love language is quality time and I think maybe gifts...she loves, I mean LOVES to draw beautiful pictures for everyone...cards...whatever...she wants to know their favorite color and then she creates the most beautiful works of art.

So all this time that I've been worrying about attachment and the lack of physical touch, maybe attachment isn't a 'one size fits all' deal... Maybe attachment is more about love being expressed from the heart in the ways that say I love you to them...instead of what says "I love you" to us.

I realize that physical touch is necessary, and she doesn't shy away from that anymore...she's ok with being tickled...she lets me wash her hair...she'll sit close to me in the chair to watch a movie...

But what I need to take away from this is that I need to stop pushing the "hugging" thing and love her in her love language...

But isn't that just the way our heavenly Father does it for us... I think I've said this a million times since I became a Christian... "I'm awed at how God meets us right where we are." I could tell you a gazillion stories about how God spoke (not audibly) but visibly into my life in a way that I could TOTALLY get... Some might call them coincidences, but there's comes a point when it happens so many times that it takes more faith to believe in coincidences than it does to just see it for what it is... God reaching out to us in a personal and intimate way.

So, I'm turning over a new leaf... I'm going to seek out fun and creative ways to love Abby everyday in way that clearly says, "I love you" in her heart language...not just mine... Hmmm...think I'll go make a card!