Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Jesus... Just WOW!! More Thoughts on Revelation

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A couple of years ago our family went out to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons and I was completely overwhelmed by the glory of God that was so visible there.  His beauty and majesty...  His power...  All I could think of was David's words in Psalm 8:3-4, "When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that You are even mindful of him, the son of man that You care for him?"  God's compassion and love, side by side with His glory...  It took my breath away!

Well that's how I felt as we continued our study in Revelation last week, Chapter 1:9-20...

In these verses Jesus is unveiled in a magnificent display of glory...  As our High Priest, in His robe and golden sash, tending to His beloved church, represented by the seven golden lampstands.  We see Him as the Divine Son of God...God Himself, the Ancient of Days...  His eyes were blazing like fire...  penetrating to the depths of our souls...  Feet like bronze as He marches in judgment against those who would harm His beloved bride, the church...  His glory shining like the sun in all of its brilliance...  It is breath-taking... awe inspiring...

But there is this moment, when John is so overwhelmed by the vision of Jesus that he falls at His feet as though dead and Jesus reaches down and touches Him and tells him not to be afraid...  The hands that touched the leper and healed him...the hands that put mud on the eyes of the blind man so he could see...  the One who spit on His own hands and healed the deaf... Jesus, just revealed in all of His glory and power, reached out and touched John and reassured him.  What an absolutely breath-taking vision of Jesus, one that we need to take with us wherever we go...

When we are afraid...Jesus reaches out and touches our hearts and whispers, "Do not be afraid."  When we are suffering, He reminds us,"I am with you."  When the world seems to be falling apart, He assures us, "I will never leave you or forsake you."

Our God of glory loves us beyond our wildest imagination.  He is bigger than anything we can imagine...but He is more loving than we could ever hope for...  I think the more I understand the vastness, the greatness, the glory of our Most High God...the more overwhelmed I become at the thought of His love and grace...  Like David, my heart wonders in gratitude... "What is man that you are even mindful of him?  The son of man that you care for him?"

Monday, September 28, 2009

Handled Not Heard...

So first, let me say thank you for all of those who have requested to follow along if I go private...yes, I know, I said 'if...'  As I've read your comments though, I realized that if I had been private, some of you who are adopting older wouldn't have been able to read about our experiences with older child adoption and really, that's the reason I started this blog in the first place...

So, I'm going to keep praying about it for a while.  I've saved all of your requests in a file, so if I do decide to go private, I'll send you an invite!!  But I admit, some of where I was on Saturday was because of some things that happened last week, and maybe a blog wouldn't be a good place to explore those feelings anyway...

So, now for the reason for my post...  Last week was a really tough week.  The details don't matter, but there was a HUGE amount of upset.  Maybe I didn't handle things so well, but I just kept getting more and more frustrated because no one was listening to me...(except for 2 of my closest friends and my husband who offered me some incredibly wise counsel through it all.)

By Friday, things were really rough and I decided to talk to someone that I trusted, who had some authority in the situation, but it was a terrible conversation, I think I ended up feeling worse than I did to begin with...

Now granted, maybe I did a TERRIBLE job of expressing what my concern was...maybe it was just the wrong time...maybe there was too much emotion for me to appropriately express what was really upsetting me, but I just couldn't seem to get anyone to hear what was at the root of my concern.

As I pondered all weekend what went wrong... I realized that I felt like I had been handled not heard and that is a really ROTTEN feeling.  I just wanted someone to listen to me and get...I mean really get...my concern.  I wasn't looking to anyone to fix it, the details at that point were all worked out, but I just needed to be heard.

But it really made me stop and think, how often do I, or have I, responded in the same way?  When someone comes to me with conflict, I want to fix their upset... I want to handle it...  But maybe people just want to be heard...to have their concerns validated and some serious consideration given to their point.

I think I've gotten better at that over the years teaching Community Bible Study, but I still have a lot to learn.  I hate conflict and usually try to end it as quickly as possible.  I think in the future though, I will try to listen more carefully to the concern behind the complaint.  Maybe all people really need is just to be heard...  My kids included!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Some thoughts about Abby...

I haven't written about Abby in a while... Sometimes I forget that she's only been home a year, it's really amazing the changes that occur in such a short period of time...

Her language is coming along beautifully... I love her expressions and she is still so literal, it's quite funny sometime. Her vocabulary is increasing day by day... the other day she told Zack, "You're annoying me."

I mentioned in an earlier post that my time in Africa had really created some break-throughs in her relationship with Scott... That has continued and it is really sweet to watch it. But I'm still waiting for the day when she really lets me into her heart...

We've made progress, without a doubt. Our time in the afternoon has really helped... We have about 2 hours every afternoon, before anyone else gets home, to just hang out together. We do homework...read...watch a show...or play Trouble... She LOVES Trouble and she beats me all the time.

I'm having lots of opportunities to teach her about how to treat others as she wants to be treated... For instance, she came home from school one day, very upset that a little boy in her class had told her, "I hate you." We talked about it... I suggested that she needed to keep being nice to him and sure enough, he's come around. But a few days later, Mackenzie was beating her in Trouble and Abby said, "I hate you." Ouch...

After a gentle reminder of how bad that made her feel, when the little boy said it to her... She dropped her head (that's what she does when she knows she's wrong...she hides in her hair)... and was quiet for a long time. I haven't heard that one again...

She loves church and Sunday School and she's old enough to be in the GEMS group (a girl's group) at church now... Just more wonderful opportunities to make up for lost time in hearing about Jesus...

She asked me the other day if I wanted to go to heaven? I said, "Absolutely, but I think it would be nice if I could see all of you grow up first." "Does everybody get to go to heaven?" Hmmm... No... Not if they don't know Jesus as their Savior... But how do you explain the need for a Savior to a 7 year old...there are too many 40 year olds who don't understand it... I tried...but I had to be content with sowing seeds... I can plant and I can water...but only God can make it grow (1 Corinthians 3:7)...

She doesn't cry much, but when she does, the tears really flow... Just today she was really disrespectful and I had to talk to her... She dropped her head and the tears flowed...and flowed...and flowed... I knew this was more than one reprimand, but even still, she wouldn't let me comfort her... It made me really sad, but still I wait for her...

She continues to remind me so much of me, in relation to my Heavenly Father... I long to have Him close, yet sometimes I am so determined to do it on my own, so I push Him away... Like Abby, I get embarrassed by mess-ups and just want to hide my face from Him... But He loves me so much...He pours out so much grace on me... If I would just let Him wrap me in His arms, all would be fine... I'm sure He longs for the day that my attachment to Him will be as complete as I long for from Abby...

Adoption is truly an amazing journey...

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I Should Have Had More Chewing Gum...

I chew gum at most soccer games to remind me to control my tongue... The obnoxious parents who are always screaming at the refs drive me crazy and I just don't want to be one of them...

But my mom always said when I was growing up, "Be careful of what you're critical of in others... you have done it, are doing it or will do it."

Ugh...did that prove to be true yesterday...

Zack had a soccer game last night and it was intense. It was a very physical and the ref was so out of shape that he couldn't keep up with the speed of the game... He was always behind the plays and he missed way too much. I would say that both teams got away with stuff that they shouldn't have, but I think I can objectively say that the other team played really dirty. There were some fouls in the goal box that were just nasty but the ref was still too far down the field to see them...

You could see that things were headed down a dangerous path and sure enough, with just a few minutes left in the game, it got really bad... We were in their territory, it was tied and their player (who was twice the size of our player) was all over our guy and once again, the ref was too far behind the play to see what was going on...

As our guy went down, it looked like he reached and pulled the other player with him... And that's when it happened... Fists started flying... The other team's bench cleared... It was awful. Of course, as a mom I was watching and praying that Zack had enough sense to stay out of it... Thankfully, he did...

Funny how things happen though... Early on, 3 players had gone up for a ball and when 3 players came down (what goes up must always come down)... Zack was on the bottom of the pile...

Thankfully, even though they came down on his head and neck (yes, it scared me to death) it was only his shoulder that go hurt (and we think it's just a bad muscle strain), but for the rest of the game, he played with his arm pulled into his side... So when the fight broke out, he said he thought about getting involved for a minute, but realized that he would probably get clobbered since he could only use one arm... (See, God can use anything... Although, I still think he would have had sense enough to stay out of it...)

But afterwards, I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Ref...control the game." I was so angry... I entrust my child to the care of the refs every time he walks onto a field... It is their responsibility and the coaches, to watch the temper of the players and to keep things under a tight rein... This ref did not do that and he breached a sacred trust in my book... I understand that refereeing is a hard job, but if you take a paycheck for something, you are agreeing to do the best job you can... If that was his best, he needs to stop taking the paycheck...

Now please know, I am not in anyway absolving the players who got into the fight... They are just as responsible for their lack of self-control as the ref is for how he calls the game, but ultimately, the responsibility of a fight belongs to the referees... If he had been where he should have been, then he would have seen their player all over ours and would have blown his whistle and none of it would have ever happened...

I realize that what I yelled wasn't profane, but I think what is bothering me is the anger with which I yelled it... From the overflow of the heart come the words of the mouth... I think I'm deeply bothered that as a Christian, I didn't look any different than any non-Christian in that stand last night... In fact, maybe I looked (or sounded) worse...

"Whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God..." I can't say that I glorified God in any way last night and that is what has been eating at me since 4 a.m... I know my Heavenly Father forgives me, but what message have I left with the parents? I think I'm going to have to pray harder for more self control next time...and put more chewing gum in my mouth!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Let Revelation Begin...

If you've been reading along for awhile, you might remember that I'm a Teaching Director for a Community Bible Study class... If you don't know about Community Bible Study, then check out their website. It is a non-denominational study that meets across the country...over 600 classes and even in other countries... CBS has changed my life, I am starting my 11th year... Basically, we take 9 months and immerse ourselves in either a single book of the Bible or several books over the course of a year.

Today, we started our study of Revelation! I am SO excited about this study. I did this study 7 years ago, under another Teaching Director and it changed my life, I'm so glad to be back to it...

It's funny, it seems that the church often avoids the study of Revelation... It causes controversy and disputes... People use it to warn of the end of the world and yet, that's not what God intended at all...

The Greek word that we translate as Revelation actually means an unveiling... If it unveils...it does NOT hide... so why do we make it so complicated? And God gave it to His servants to show them what is still to come... He didn't give it to scholars and if He was showing them what is still to come, He obviously meant for them to understand it... Maybe not every single detail, but at least the big picture that will give us hope and encouragement in the face of suffering.

But here's the greatest thing about Revelation... It is an unveiling of Jesus. When we see Jesus in the gospels, He is veiled in human flesh... But in Revelation, we see Jesus in ALL of His fullness and WOW...WOW...WOW... what a vision that is... He is the King of kings... Lord of lords... Mighty Warrior... Conqueror of evil...

Sometimes it may look like evil is winning in this world, but Revelation shows us that things just aren't as they seem...

I wish there were adequate words to describe how Jesus fills my heart when I meditate on the glory and wonder of Him in Revelation... It is AWESOME!! It makes me think of the old hymn, "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus..." The chorus says, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face...And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."

A very wise friend of mine once said, "When we fix our eyes on Jesus, He gets really BIG and our problems get really small."

I don't know what you're up against today, but Revelation shows us that we have a Savior that is way bigger than anything life could throw at us... He is your Mighty Warrior and He goes before you to fight your battles for you. AND... He loves you beyond reason. If you have put your faith in Him as your Savior, He holds you in the palm of His nail scarred hand and NOTHING can separate you from His love for you...

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Africa, part 6

Well, I think that about covers it for my stories from Africa... There's a little more to tell, but for now it just doesn't seem like the right time, so you'll just have to stay tuned for later. I thought you might enjoy some of the photos of the children I met...

These are amazing children... I won't tell their individual stories, I feel like that would be disrespectful of their privacy...but in general, you can know that most of these children have experienced atrocities that most of us can't even begin to imagine...rape, slavery, physical abuse, starvation...some are HIV positive... And yet, in many ways, they are the "after" picture of experiencing God's amazing love and healing power... God is still in the miracle business, all you have to do is meet these children and you see that first hand!

One story that I feel comfortable to share is about a precious little girl, Jedidah... She was found under a tree in Swaziland... At the time, she was probably around 2, but she was the size of a 5 month old... She couldn't walk, talk, or crawl... She had been living off of dirt... All of her family had died... The other relatives who were taking care of her had died and the people in the community, who had agreed to care for her, weren't able to anymore...so they just left her under the tree.

I know that sounds horribly harsh and cruel, but that is the result of a nation with 70% below the poverty line... I really don't believe that their heart is to be cruel, but how can you share what you don't have? Would you starve your own child to take care of another's child? I hope I never have to be faced with that question... But God had his hand on this precious little girl, the children's home took her in and she is doing wonderfully!!

This is Jedidah, just a few weeks ago...

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This next little girl is Phoebe... I met her on my first trip, 2 years ago, and even though hundreds of people have been through the children's home since then, she remembered me! God's love through us leaves indelible marks on the hearts of the people He sends us to minister to...

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This is Debrah...

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And this is Caleb (the tall one in the center)...

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Caleb and Debrah directed and led a Bible camp for the 150 children this summer...their poise, their grace, their understanding of God's Word and their heart for the things of His heart are amazing!! And wow...can they sing and dance!!

And this is Ethan... His story will break your heart... You can actually watch a video of it here, on You Tube... The Story of Sindi... It's about 10 minutes long, but it is worth your time...

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Now here is Ethan's older brother, Ndumiso (pronounced in-du-me-so) They live in different children's homes because of their age.

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When we went to New Hope two years ago, a picture was taken of my mom and his little brother, Ethan. When Ndumiso saw mom on this trip, he went to get his photo album...someone had sent that picture to him and he recognized my mom! That precious child had to have studied and studied that picture of his little brother to so easily recognize my mom, whom he had never seen.

And this little girl is Gift... She was a little ray of sunshine...

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I'll post some more of my favorites on my photo blog... Thanks for reading my stories... It was an amazing journey...it has touched my heart in ways that it will never be the same... I will tell you this much, I'm going back in November...but that is a story that needs to wait a little while longer! I do have one more post that I want to share, I guess kind of a summation of what God has been doing in my heart... I'll do that next week...



Wednesday, September 9, 2009

A Young Man Named Daniel

I know this is a total long shot, but I just can't get this young man off of my mind... The day we flew out for Africa, I went through Atlanta. While I was in the Atlanta airport, my mom and I met a young man named Daniel who was deploying to Afghanistan... He had already served one tour in Iraq and we think he was from somewhere in the Mid West... He was tall and had blond hair... He was such a polite young man and I just can't stop thinking about him...

More than once God has burdened my heart to pray for him... One night in the middle of the night I woke up with an overwhelming sense to pray for Daniel...

If you know anyone who has a son named Daniel, in Afghanistan, please leave me a comment... If not, please stop and say a prayer for this young man and all of our troops who are risking their lives. Please also pray for their families... they have moms... dads... wives... children... girlfriends... best friends... who wait and pray constantly for their safety. May they know that they are not praying alone...

I just watched a news report about how hidden mines in Afghanistan have killed 3 of our young men in the last few days. Please pray that God would give them supernatural instincts about where the mines are located, that He would quickly bring this war and in Iraq to an end and that He would keep our young men safe.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Pizza & New Shoes, Africa part 5

Two of the funnest things we got to do on our trip to Africa both happened on our last day there...

It started with one of our team members, M... His company had provided money for M to buy pizza, soda and sweets for all of the kids at the children's home...

Some of the older kids had had pizza before, but the little ones had never had it. They waited so patiently as all of the boxes were distributed to each table... No one rushed, or pushed, or fought to be first...

And then when it was time to eat, the little ones didn't have a clue what to do... When the boxes were opened, they just sat and stared at it... Someone had to show them how to tear the pieces apart and then eat it... And it was so incredible... One of the things that I love about the children is they hold 2 hands out to receive whatever you give them... It is such an act of graciousness and humility and that's how they received their pizza!

These are some of my favorite photos from the trip...

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And then later that same afternoon, we got to distribute new shoes to the women from the community! WOW...what a joy that was!! There must be a gene common to women that makes us love new shoes! It was so much fun to watch them try on different styles and colors and choose what suited them best... It occurred to me as I watched that I taking shopping for shoes so much for granted... They had probably never had a selection of shoes to choose from before... They had probably always accepted what was given to them and what an incredible joy it was to get to watch them choose their own shoes!!

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So proud of her new shoes!!

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All the ladies...

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Showing off her new shoes!!

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The Shoe Dance!!

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I loved this lady!!

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I think I need to take time to be as grateful for all that I've been blessed with as the children and women were for their pizza and new shoes!



Saturday, September 5, 2009

Happy 16th Birthday Zack!!!

So I have a couple of more Africa stories, but today goes to my oldest who is 16!! It's hard to believe that it has been 16 years since this amazing young man came into the world... He is such a joy to parent... he's fun... smart... has a strong faith and knows how to live by his convictions... transformed and not conformed!!

Thank you Zack for all of the laughs...smiles...and honest, open conversations!! I love the way you love children, how you're never too old to play with them... I love how you stand by your convictions and are not swayed when you're friends tease you... I love how you give a 1000% on the soccer field, even when you're team is down 4-0... you never stop giving it your all... I love how you lead with your heart...I can't wait to see what God has in store for your life!!

We actually celebrated his birthday last night... He really wanted his best friends family to come over and they were going camping today... We had a blast... What a great family!!

I got some great shots of Zack at the soccer game the other night... Considering how much he loves soccer, it's a perfect way to honor his birthday! On my photo blog, I'll post more from the game the other night, it was a very physical game and tons of fun to photograph... The photos are grainy because it was dark...

This is my favorite...

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Happy Birthday Zack!!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Multiplication.... Africa Part 4

One of the amazing things that you see about God in Africa is how He is able to multiply the most simple offerings... Kind of like Jesus did with the loaves and fish. I think He does that in America too, we just don't see it because we overfill our pantries and refrigerators and don't trust Him for much of anything...

Two years ago, when mom and S went to Kubuta, they took about 30 fruit trees and a whole bunch of seedlings... Mumcy and Samuel were so excited to show us their trees (their "orchard" as they called it)...

This is Mumcy and Samuel...

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And this is their orchard...

One orange tree...

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The other orange tree...

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One of the apple trees...

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Turns out Mumcy and Samuel kept 2 of each kind of fruit tree for themselves and then gave the rest away. Their dream for this orchard... When Samuel has to 'retire' (he's chief of the village and a master builder... I think retire translates as old enough to not be able to physically build since they build everything with concrete)... They are going to support themselves by selling the fruit of their orchard! How cool is that!!

A simple offering of fruit trees will help support a family for many years... Multiplication in God's great economy! And because of some people's generosity, we were able to take them 60 more fruit trees and over 2000 seedlings!!

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The seedlings, pushed up under the seats of the van...

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It really breaks my heart, most of the people in Swaziland are willing to work hard... They will plant and grow, but many are too poor to buy their seeds so that they can plant.

Please pray that as they begin their planting season (they are going into their summer), that God would bless them with the perfect growing conditions to reap an abundant harvest.