Scars

Something has been on my heart for a couple of weeks and I’ve decided it’s time to put it into words…  In John 20:27, after the resurrection, Jesus meets up with Thomas, who is having such a hard time believing that Jesus is alive and this is what happens…  “Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

I can close my eyes and see this…  Thomas must have been a bit tentative to touch.  I can’t imagine the kind of scars that nails…  stakes driven through a hand would leave…  To see them would be hard enough, but to actually touch them…  Something in me would want to recoil, to turn away…  But I know I would force myself to look…  to touch.  Even thinking about it, I can feel the chills on the back of my neck…  an icky feeling in the pit of my stomach…  

But how beautifully intimate that Jesus let him see and touch…  Think about what those scars stood for, at least from the world’s perspective…  In the world’s eyes, they were the scars of humiliation…  The proof that Jesus had suffered the most degrading, humiliating form of punishment and death possible, crucifixion…  the kind of punishment saved for the worst kind of criminal.  It was so awful, the Romans did not allow their own citizens to be crucified.

But in heaven’s view, those scars were signs of a great victory!  Victory over sin and death…  Proof that God is more powerful than anything the world, than evil, can dish out!  They were proof that beauty can come from ashes…  joy from mourning…  hope from despair…  life from death!

And here’s what hit me the last couple of weeks…  Do I feel that way about my own scars in my life?  Maybe they’re not physical scars, but what about the emotional scars that we all carry from living in a fallen world…  True, some scars are worse than others…  But we all have scars!

So how do you see your scars?  Are they reminders of humiliation?  Do you hide them and keep them secret?  Or are they reminders of victory?  Of redemption and restoration?  Of God’s great power, grace and love?

And just as importantly, are we willing to let others see and touch our scars?  Are we willing to share our stories?  Think about what overcame Thomas’ doubt…  It was seeing and touching the scars of Jesus…  It was being able to step into Jesus’ story for a moment and experience the victory that He had experienced!  What great hope that must have given him!!

Yes, there may be things about your story that cause others to recoil…to want to turn away…to maybe even judge you…  BUT, what if letting someone else see our scars, even just one person, could help them overcome their doubts about Jesus?  Would it be worth opening up our hearts and lives and saying to the world, “See my scars…  see what Jesus has done…  see what is possible in a relationship with Him…  stop doubting and believe!”

I am so thankful for the scars of Jesus…  I am overwhelmed at all they tell me…  A story of the greatest sacrifice anyone could ever imagine…  A grace that is truly amazing…  Mercy that is limitless…  Love that is unfathomable…  Victory that is unimaginable!  The story, the truth, behind those scars is transforming…  But maybe God would use your story…  your scars to transform a life too…

But here's the thing...  You have to let Him heal your wounds first...  You have to let Him work victory, redemption and restoration in your own life!  Have you experienced the promises of Isaiah 61:1-4?  Have you let Him bring beauty from the ashes in your own life?  If not, say yes to that journey...  Find someone who is willing to share their scars and let them walk with you on that journey...  (You can e-mail me if you'd like).

But if God has done, or is doing, a great work in your life...  Then let's be willing to let others 'see and touch' our scars!

Some Things Just Take Time...

Something that I've been noticing lately is how critical people in the church can be...  Those who tithe, criticize those who don't...  Those who adopt criticize those who don't...  Those who faithfully serve the poor criticize those who don't...  Even those who have a regular quiet time criticize those who don't...  We can be a very self-righteous group of people...  And if I'm honest, I can criticize and be self-righteous with the best of them.

But something occurred to me as I've considered our journey with Abby these past two years...  She didn't come into our family automatically behaving the way we would want or doing the things we would hope.  She brought traditions, behaviors and ways from her own land and while some of them were fine, some needed to change.

Just because the adoption was final and Miller was part of her name, she didn't magically change overnight...

And the same is true for Christians...  Just because we are eternally adopted into God's family and we have a name change to 'Christian', we don't transform overnight, it takes time.

Abby had to get to know us and love us, she had to learn what it meant to be a part of a forever family and she needed to learn some of the ways of our culture (like you don't slurp your soup out loud!). 

And the same principle applies to us, as Christians.  We don't get to know God overnight...  It takes time for His character to influence ours...  It takes time to grow to love Him, to know His ways and to obey Him...  It takes time for His Word to shape our hearts...

Patience and a WHOLE lot of grace has been essential on the journey of Abby learning to be a part of our family...  I think we need to show that same patience and grace to our brothers and sisters in Christ.   No doubt God shows it to us every moment of every day.

Summer Challenge For Our Family...

Our family has decided to take on a summer challenge... Each week, we are going to memorize a verse of Scripture as a family. But it's about more than just committing words to memory. The challenge is to really think about the verse throughout the week and see how it impacts our lives. At the end of each week, over dinner, we are going to discuss it as a family.

We just finished our first week... Colossians 3:23, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord and not for men."

I loved meditating on this verse this past week...

Whatever you do... The word 'do' carries the idea of spending time, so you might say, "However you spend your time"... Laundry, driving our family taxi service, cooking dinner, cleaning out the dishwasher...

Work at it with ALL your heart... Perform it, accomplish it, achieve it, with all your heart... The heart in the Greek encompassed the inward life... The heart, the mind, the emotions, your very soul and life...

That's pretty overwhelming to think about. So much of what we do in life seems so trivial, routine and mundane, and yet, I'm supposed to pour my very life into everything I do. So much of what I do feels like a mindless task, but what occurs to me from this verse is that I need to be present in the moment and really live out each task I do...

And the word 'work' is about accomplishing or achieving something...  I can honestly say that I've never seen laundry as an accomplishment or something I've achieved, but what if I worked at it with all my heart...  what if I poured my heart into it as much as I do when I think I'm doing something important, perhaps then it would become a whole different experience.

As working for the Lord...  Another facet of the word 'work' is expending energy.  As a mom and a wife, I expend alot of energy during the day that leaves me tired, sometimes cranky and often depleted.  But what if, with a simple change of perspective, my daily tasks could become tasks that bring me joy and fulfillment? What if each and every one became an act of worship and an overflow of my love for God? What if I saw each task as a way to reflect the very nature of God? 

For example, what if I began to see cleaning house as a means to reflect the order of His nature...  Or laundry as a reminder of His righteousness (thinking of the saints in their white robes of righteousness)...  Or cooking healthy meals as a reminder that my body is the temple of God and I need to take care of it...  All of a sudden, routine tasks become  part of something much bigger...

And not for men...  Everything we do should be for His pleasure, because we love Him and long to obey Him.  Yes, I love my family and want to serve them, but ultimately, it will be my love and gratitude for all that God has done for me that will keep me going when I just don't feel like it. 

I think I'm going to like this summer challenge very much...  As the kids get the knack of meditating on Scripture, I will (with their permission) share some of their insights also.

For the new week, our verse is Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..."  Easy to memorize, but much to think about!

Pour Out Your Heart

Psalm 62:8 says, "Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."

I love that verse and while I really get that with my head and even try to practice it, God made it so real to my heart tonight...

It was a crazy evening of storms... Tornadoes were touching down within miles of us, hail, green skies...it was crazy! As the evening wore on, there was one last cell that came through that was really scary...

We had our plan, we knew who was going to which closet and bathroom, pillows and blankets were ready and waiting, we were just all sitting in the family room together waiting in case Scott told us to move quickly...

As we waited, Abby came and crawled up in the chair with me... It's a big chair so she wasn't sitting right up next to me, so I put my arm on the back of the chair, kind of opening myself up to her, but not forcing my comfort on her... I just wanted her to know I was available if she decided she needed me.

As the storm rolled in, the winds picked up, the hail came down and the news channels began to warn of the perfect tornado conditions, Abby finally looked up at me and said very hesitantly, "Mommy, I'm scared."

That was all the invitation I needed, I pulled her in close and whispered that everything would be ok... I couldn't stop the storm, but I would do everything in my power to protect her...

Thankfully, the storm passed without a tornado but those few minutes gave me so much to think about...

I have longed for Abby to trust me... I know she's tested me over the last 18 months and I think she has found me trustworthy... First I earned her trust by providing for her most basic needs...then she allowed me to care for her skinned knees and elbows...next she trusted me with her stories of China...but tonight, she trusted me with her fears...perhaps the things that make us the most vulnerable...

My heart could have just danced when she looked up at me and said, "Mommy, I'm scared." And yet, that's the very thing our heavenly Father wants from us... He longs for us to find refuge in the shelter of His wings...for us to be vulnerable with Him and trust Him with our greatest fears (and everything else)!!

He will never force His comfort on us, yet He is always waiting, if we will just trust Him... What a blessing and privilege to call Him Abba Father!

Temptation, Part 2

One of the first lessons I learned years ago, as a new Christian, was something about the nature of sin...  I will never forget reading in James one morning and coming to the verses James 1:13-15, "When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴ but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. ¹⁵ Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

It was verse 15 that really grabbed my attention...  "After desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin..."   Desire and temptation do not equal sin...   It struck me that there must be, at least, a moment between the desire being conceived and sin being born.  So I had to learn to grab hold of that moment...

When God first led me to that verse, I was a 'yeller.'  I allowed my anger to grab hold of me and I would yell, or sometimes rage, at my children or even my husband.  But shortly after I became a Christian, God touched my heart that I was sinning and He broke my heart as He caused me to start looking into their eyes when I would yell at them...  So I became desperate to find a way to break that pattern of anger.

As I realized that there was a moment between desire and sin, I started praying that I would learn to grab hold of that moment and make a different choice.  It didn't happen overnight...   I had to learn to recognize the warning signs ...  There are always warning signs...   maybe they're physiological, the body tensing, the stirring in the pit of your stomach, or maybe they're emotional...  boredom, sadness, frustration, discouragement...   but they are ALWAYS there!

To recognize the warning signs though, I had to learn to live more intentionally, instead of just letting life carry me along.  But in time, I learned (by His Power), to grab hold of that moment and make a different choice.  Our home became a much more peaceful place.

I'm sorry to say that there are other areas where I have not applied that so well, but all things in their time.  And some of those things have their time THIS year!!  It is time, once again, to learn to grab hold of that moment between desire and sin, and make a different choice.  I'm tired of life living me...carrying me along...  I want to live life...  I want to live intentionally...  That is the only way I will ever live a life that  pleases and glorifies God...  It is the only way I will live a life of victory!

Temptation!

I have been thinking ALOT about temptation lately...  There are some areas of my life that I have decided that I am FED UP with battling, so 2010 is going to be the year of transformation.  I don't care how many times I stumble or fall, I don't care how hard it is, I am NOT going to give up!!

And one of the verses I've been meditating on is 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No tempation has seized you, expect what is common to man.  And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  And when you are tempted, He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

I decided to look at each piece of the verse, with a Greek dictionary because I wanted a better understanding of what God is teaching me about winning the battles we all face in this life...

No...  I love how Vine's Dictionary says it...  "expressing a negation absolutely"  It's not just no, it's absolutely no!

Temptation... in Vine's "a trying or a testing."  God uses temptation to try or test us!

Seized..."to lay hold of, to take and not let go, to carry away, to circumvent one by fraud, to obtain possession of something

Doesn't that just describe temptation to a tee!  It lays hold of me...it carries me away and it won't let go...sometimes it deceives me and it often feels like it possesses me...  If you've ever craved chocolate, or that new pair of shoes, you know what I'm talking about!  Sometimes it feels like you just can't say no (feel being the operative word there)...  Feelings are deceptive!

Common to man..."after the manner of men...belonging to men"  In other words, it is NOT of God but of the flesh!!

So No...absolutely not one temptation...enticement...has ever seized us, carried us away, deceived us, that was strange or different than those experienced by man since Adam and Eve blew it in the Garden...  The enemy doesn't have any new tricks up his sleeve...  God is not surprised by anything!!

And the good news, God is faithful!!! He is trustworthy...

The Greek for "not let you" is "allow or permit"...  So He is trustworthy to not allow or permit us to be tempted (or tested) beyond what we can bear...  Nothing comes to us that doesn't first pass through His hand...  He may not send it, but He does allow it...  (Remember, one of the words for tempt was 'to test')

Bear is actually the word "dynamis"...  It's related to the word for power, that gives us our word dynamite!!  It's actually better translated as 'able'...  "beyond what you are able" or have the power, or the resources, to withstand...

In other words, there is NO temptation to great for God's power in us (the Holy Spirit!!)  WOW, now that's exciting!!

But there's more!! 

And when you are tempted, He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it!

Provide...  to make or bring forth... 

Way out...  it's better translated as 'a way of escape'!

I LOVE that!!  Has temptation ever felt so great to you that you just didn't think there was any thing to do but to give in to it?  That there couldn't possibly be a way out?  This tells us that those feelings are a lie from the enemy...  If we turn to God, He will make a way out for us, He will help us escape!! 

How great is that....  God...the great I AM... Creator and Sustainer of the Universe, reaches down from heaven and provides an escape for us!!

And He does it so that we can stand up under it...it means "to bear from underneath!"  Again, I just love that picture!!  Temptation often feels like a heavy burden, but God gives us a way to stand up underneath the weight of it!  It doesn't have to weigh us down...it doesn't have to crush us or defeat us...  Temptation can, and often will, settle on our hearts and minds but God says, "I have made a way out...If you look to Me, I will make you strong and able to stand up underneath it!"

But here's the thing...we have to want God's way out and take it...  we have to love Him more than the momentary pleasure offered by the temptation.  I often think of Gallum in Lord of the Rings...  I can't remember which movie, but there's a scene that is burned into my memory.  He's holding the ring that they are trying to destroy...  He knows it is evil, he knows it is the thing that has made him ugly and despicable, but he just can't let it go...  And as he sits holding the ring, he carresses it and calls it "Precious."

But too often, God shows me that I am cherishing my sin in much the same way...  And like Gallum, it keeps me from being the person God created me to be...  It pollutes my soul and my relationship with Him.

God will give us the way out, but we have to stop cherishing our sin and take it... 

I am so thankful that I am not fighting these battles on my own...  "Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit," says the LORD.  Zechariah 4:6  I am so thankful that God remembers that we are formed from dust and gives us a way to say no to temptation!  I am so thankful that mighty God of the Universe loves me enough to walk this journey of transformation with me... He is truly an awesome God!!

What Is Your "Gutter?"

So...  I've been reading another GREAT book.  The books I'm reading seem to have a theme, they all seem to be about stepping out of our comfort zone and ministering to those whom Jesus called "the least of these."  I haven't done that too well in my life, and God is really doing a number on my heart.

I just finished another great book called, "Under the Overpass," by Mike Yankoski.  I highly recommend it.  It's about 2 college guys who give up their cushy life for 5 months and live as homeless men in 5 different cities across America.  Once again it really challenged and convicted me because you can't read the book and not see how the church is clearly not being the church that God intended.  Sure, in pockets it's happening, but as the collective body of Christ, we are just falling so short.

And let me say this, before I go any further, I am not writing to make anyone feel guilty.  Guilt is a weapon of the enemy, he burdens us with guilt and a sense of overwhelm and freezes us from ever taking action.  God has not been making me feel guilty with all of the things He's showing me, He's been convicting my heart.  I feel sad yet determined to allow Him to transform me...  That's what conviction is all about, it's about a journey that leads to transformation, it's not an overnight, magical change.

So, that leads me to the book I'm reading now...  It's called The Gutter, by Craig Gross.  Criag Gross is the founder of xxxchurch.com, the ministry aimed at helping Christians break addictions to pornography.  But it's been sad to me to read how "the church" shunned him in the beginning because he and his friend were going to porn conventions in Las Vegas.  Not to see pornography, but to be where pornography was being marketed and sold...  It was the gutter that Christ called him to minister in...

Here's what he wrote about a porn producer that he met, "Jimmy D. is searching.  Like everyone else in the gutter, he's there because he's lost, and whether he knows it or not, he's searching for something and someone to help him get out of the gutter...  We have to get a little dirty in order to help the Jimmy D.s of the world out."

In Luke 19:10, Jesus said, "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."  Now I'm not in anyway suggesting that we go to "the gutter" to make people our projects, as Mr. Gross says, they are not another notch in our "Christian belts."  But I am suggesting that we go to our gutter, however God defines that for us, and we love the people that Jesus loved and died for...  People just like you and me...  You know, we were all rescued from one gutter or another.

Well, I just love God's timing... I've been reading the minor prophets in my quiet time and this morning I was to Jonah, and I read it with a whole new set of eyes.

Jonah was a man who was afraid to go the gutter, to Ninevah...  I wonder, was he more afraid or was he more self-righteous and didn't think he should get his hands dirty among such a pagan and idolatrous people (who in reality weren't that much different than the Israelites, or the rest of us for that matter!)...

So he runs from the Lord's presence and he ends up on a ship in the midst of a GREAT storm.  His fellow shipmates end up hurling him into the sea, right into the middle of the storm and he gets swallowed by a big fish.

That got me thinking...  How many times has God been leading me to reach out to what I would consider 'the gutter' and I've been too afraid of the storm that might be the fallout?  And let me just say, maybe you find the word 'gutter' offensive...  But for so many of us, that's the attitude of our hearts when we first think about some of the places God might want us to go...  So, it's not a statement about the places we go, it's more of a statement about how we think about those places...

A few years ago, probably 6-7, my husband and I went somewhere else in the south for our anniversary.  I was shocked at how many homeless people there were, we saw them everywhere, and do you know, we didn't do one thing for one homeless person?  How SAD is that?!

I was afraid...   I didn't have a clue what to do...  I avoided their eyes...  and if I'm really honest, I was judgmental.  I remember thinking, "If we gave them anything, they'd probably just use it for alcohol."  Maybe they would have, but who am I to be the judge?  My responsibility is to obey God, it's their responsibility how they steward God's blessings.

But here's the thing, I left that city and I have NEVER forgotten them.  Their eyes haunt me... their huddled forms laying in door ways after dark, one with a sign in front of him that said, "God hates me," never seem to be too far from my thoughts.  And what did I do to show him any differently, that God doesn't really hate him?  Not ONE thing!!  Not one darn thing!!

I don't know if Jonah was afraid or just so full of disdain and self-righteousness that he ran from God.  But whatever storm he was afraid of that he might encounter if he obeyed God, he ended up in one far worse, one that almost cost him his life.

And it really made me think...  I would much rather end up in a storm that comes up as a result of obedience to God than one that came up as a result of running from God's presence.  I am much more afraid of a storm that is the result of disobedience!

So where in your life are you wrestling with obedience?  Is God calling you to get in the gutter but you're afraid of what might happen?  Maybe he's calling you to Africa, or Haiti, or India, or the inner city of your hometown, or your neighborhood school, but we're all called to find 'the gutter' in our lives and be Jesus there.


Yes, like Paul on so many of his missionary journeys, we may encounter lots of storms, but we can rest that God is with us!  And more importantly, when we stand before His throne someday, we can be assured that we will hear the words, "Well done good and faithful servant." 

It's time to ask God where my gutter is and then go get my hands dirty...  How about you?

How's Your Singing Sounding?

I mentioned the other day that I had been reading some outstanding books...  Two of my favorites have been, "Same Kind of Different As Me" and the follow up, "What Difference Do It Make?"  The first book is the story of a couple in Texas and a homeless man who became friends and the second book is what's happened since the first book was released.  The second book is full of some incredibly profound wisdom...

Here's just a nugget...  Denver, the once homeless man says to his friend Ron, "Mr. Ron, all these white folks be invitin us to their Bible studies.  How come none of 'em's invitin us to their Bible doins?"

Denver goes on, "I ain't sayin it ain't all right to study the Bible.  You got to study the Bible to know the rules of life.  But I notice a lotta folks doin more lookin at the Bible than doin what it says.  The book a' James says, don't just listen to what God has to say, do what He says.  And Jesus said God is gon' separate us, the sheep from the goats, based on what we did, not on how much we read."  (Just a note, he's not trying to say that works save us, just clearly making the point that works are evidence of true saving faith!)

And then he makes a great point...  "How we gon' know God for real, lookin' for Him in some kinda religion, in some kinda system?  I don't mean know about God...  I mean really, honest know who God is?"

Well, I LOVE God's perfect timing...  I've been in the book of Amos, in Scripture.  Amos was written during a time of great political rest and prosperity in Israel's history.  But sadly, their prosperity had caused them to forget their God, and they had turned to idolatry...  They were living wildly extravagant and indulgent lives and they were not caring for the poor.  Sound familiar?

So here is God's perfect timing, listen to what He says to them in Amos 5:21-24, "I hate, I despise your feasts, and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies.  Even though you offer Me your burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them; and the peace offerings of your fattened animals, I will not look upon them.  Take away from Me the noise of your songs; to the melody of your harps I will not listen.  But let justice roll down like water, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream."

Our worship, our works, all of our religiosity mean NOTHING to God if it's not seasoned with caring for those in need and living righteously.  We can do a million Bible studies, we can go to church every time the doors open, but if it's not transforming our hearts to care for those that God cares for, then we are so missing the point!

Many times I hear people pray at church that our worship would be a blessing to God, that's a good prayer, that's the point of worship, but something hit me really hard in those verses...  If we're not living as God wants us to live, our songs are just noise to Him...

And you know, I really think God is asking for more than just throwing a few dollars at something...  Justice and righteousness characterize who we are and how we live...not just what we give.  I've been so convicted lately that we need to do more than just give money to good causes...  We need to give ourselves to the people that those causes help.  Yes, the money is necessary, but lives are blessed and changed life on life...NOT money on life.

I think I need to start asking God daily, "Father, how's my singing sounding?"

On My Heart For The New Year...

At the beginning of each new year, God always seems to put something on my heart that needs some attention in my life.  Last year was a journey of learning to see with His eyes...  Of course, I never arrive in a year, but I'm always amazed at how much I learn and grow.

God began showing me what my prayer for this year is to be, back in August...

When I went to Africa, one morning one of our leaders did a devotion on James 1:27.  Now being a part of the adoption community, I thought I was pretty familiar with that verse...  "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..."  But somehow I had managed to conveniently overlook the last part of the verse...  "and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

I was so convicted as I listened to our leader's devotion, but it was just the beginning.  I understood what it meant with my head, but my heart didn't have a clue...

Fast forward to October...  We were meeting weekly to pray for my friend with Stage 4 breast cancer and the prayer times had become an amazing time of fellowship with our Heavenly Father, the presence of His Spirit was so incredible.

One Wednesday though, about 3 weeks after we had started praying, the siren of the Chico's Outlet started calling my name.  So I left early to go over to our church (the outlet is unfortunately close to our church) and went shopping, ignoring our budget.

But then prayer time was awful...  I felt so distant from God...  I felt like such a hypocrite and I spent a good bit of the time silently repenting of letting my worldly desires pollute my heart...

And then I went back to Africa, in November...  God did a work in my heart there and I wanted to guard it like a priceless treasure, I didn't want anything to dilute what He had done, but sadly, Christmas rolled around and the lure of the world...  Christmas shopping...  planning... baking...  all of it began to creep in and pollute the work that God had done in my heart.  Not that any of those things are bad, but when we let them consume us...  our time...our thoughts...our money... they become pollutants to our soul!  And all of a sudden, I found that my passion was being diluted once again.

And that was when the light bulb went on...  When we allow our hearts to become polluted by the things of this world, we being to lose our heart for the things of God.

On Christmas night, Abby wanted to color my feet with markers...  The package said they were washable, so I figured, "What harm could it do?"

Her Masterpiece!

But the problem was, the ink stained my feet!  It took days for them to come clean...  (Thank goodness it's not sandal season!)

And then, I decided to look up the word polluted in a Vine's Dictionary and guess what I learned...  the Greek word for polluted carries the idea of "staining".

When we let the things of this world pollute our hearts, we are letting it stain them and much like my feet, it is so hard to get rid of the stain...Sometimes it leaves us with remorse, or shame...  Almost always, it dilutes our heart and passion for God and the things that He cares for most...

But there's great news...  1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  Sin stains our hearts and it is God alone who is able to cleanse them from the stains...  What an incredible image that is...   God of the Universe, reaching down from His heavenly throne, putting His hands in the muck of our lives and cleansing us!  That's love!!

So my prayer for 2010 is that more and more I would keep myself from being polluted...stained...by the world.  I want to grow closer to my Heavenly Father... I long to experience His presence consistently... to hear His voice...  I want to love who He loves...  I want to show mercy to whomever He leads me to show mercy to... But if my heart is polluted, then I make all of those things very difficult because I'm letting something else come between me and Him.

I look forward to where this journey leads in 2010...  May you have a blessed New Year!

A Second First Christmas...

So technically, Abby had her first Christmas with us last year.  But she'd only been home  4 months, her English wasn't great and it was just really hard to explain the whole idea of Christmas...  Everything seemed new and overwhelming...  

BUT this year has been a whole different story...  She has a whole memory of new (to her) traditions created last year and she has had so much fun...  She LOVED going to the mountains to cut the Christmas tree...  She couldn't wait to decorate it...  When we put the manger scene out, she remembered exactly where she had put baby Jesus' blanket that my friend had made for her when she heard how Abby was upset last Christmas that baby Jesus was cold and covered him with a piece of cotton...

And we have baked and baked and baked and baked...  Well, you get the idea!!  And she is so excited about the presents under the tree!!  This morning she came in the kitchen and said, "Mommy, I love Christmas, I am so excited!"

"Abby, why are you so excited?" 

"Because we get to open presents tomorrow..." 

"Well, what about baby Jesus?  It's His birthday afterall, and He's the only reason that we get to celebrate Christmas..."

"Mommy?  Is He excited too then?"

I had to stifle a giggle with that one...  We talk about Jesus all the time...  We pray...  She still clearly doesn't get the significance of Jesus, but I love how she thinks of Him...  She doesn't question His realness, she just doesn't understand yet what He did for her...

I told her that Jesus was very excited when we remember to celebrate His birthday and not just think about the presents...

And then her question that once again stumped me (there's been several of them over the last year)...

"Mommy, when is God's birthday?"

How do you explain to a 7 year old... who heard about God and Jesus for the very first time, just 17 months ago...  who has great social language, but is still struggling with taking thoughts and ideas and processing them on a deeper level...  and explain to her that God is not a created being?  That He has existed for all time?  That He doesn't have a birthday?  He just is?  Those thoughts blow my mind and so much of it, I just accept on faith because I see evidence of God and His love for us EVERYWHERE...  But I have no clue how to explain that to Abby...

The God we love is truly mind boggling...  He is so BIG...so HOLY...so GLORIOUS...so AWESOME...  And yet, He loved us so much that over 2000 years ago He sent His beloved Son into this world, born in a smelly manger, for the sole purpose of dying the most horrible death imaginable so that we could be in relationship with Him...

Now that kind of love blows my mind even more than the fact that God doesn't have a birthday...  I pray that someday Abby will look at me with the same wonder over what Jesus did for her on a cross as she did when I tried to explain to her that God has existed for all time...

May we all remember David's beautiful words from Psalm 8:3-4...

"When I consider your heavens,
       the work of your fingers,
       the moon and the stars,
       which you have set in place,
  what is man that you are mindful of him,
       the son of man that you care for him?"

Merry Christmas...  I pray that as you remember the birth of our Savior, you are overwhelmed by His love for you...

Interaction or Transaction?

Hi...  It's been so long since I've blogged...  And it's been even longer since I've written about adoption.  I don't know what it is about this time of year, but I just get blog weary.  I don't want anything to do with my blog...  I don't read other blogs...  I guess I just have to take a break, but there's just been so much percolating in my heart and mind these last few days that it finally just needed to be poured out here...

I learned an important lesson at dinner the other night...


We had taken our family to dinner with our good friends and Abby was having a MAJOR attitude issue...  She was pouting...  she refused to order any thing to drink and she wouldn't answer her daddy when he tried to find out what she wanted to eat...

That really rubbed me the wrong way and I proceeded to tell her (I hate to admit this, but not in my nicest voice ever) that if she persisted with that attitude and refused to eat, she would just have to go to bed hungry...  Yes, I was being a jerk...  Thankfully though, the Spirit in my heart did one of those quiet, gentle, but unmistakable nudges and I decided to explore this attitude a little...

I pulled her over to the side, to an empty chair, pulled her close and started questioning her about her attitude...  She was tired (she had fallen asleep in the car on the way to the restaurant) and she looked up at me with BIG puddles of tears in her eyes and said, "Mommy, I'm just tired and I don't want to eat...  Do I HAVE to eat?"

I hugged her close, assured her that she didn't have to eat anything she didn't want and compromised by ordering her noodles and water...  She cried for a few more minutes and then everything was fine...  And before we knew it, she was sampling off everyone else's plates, which was fine because there was WAY too much food!

I think it's good that she is so much a part of our family, that we treat her like our biological kids...  But the fact is, she has come from a completely different place...  A place that requires an extra measure of grace...  An extra dose of patience and an abundance of understanding...  And yet, it's a lesson that is beneficial to every relationship...  I need to slow down and find out what's really going on in people's lives...  I need to interact with them, not just transact with them...

So what do I mean by that?  It's a lesson I've learned from Africa...  In Africa, business transactions are first and foremost about the relationship and then about the business.  There's this little gift shop that I love to go in at the hotel we stay in.  Too many times, I've run in there with too little time to find something to take home.  And too often the ladies who work there have seemed offended because they tried to make conversation and I was too focused on completing my transaction to be concerned with my interaction with them...

When I went in November, I made a concious effort to do something different...  This time I went in and before I started looking around, I took the time to talk to them and be interested in their lives...  I took the time to SEE them as people...  Not as just a means to an end.

Well, the incident with Abby at dinner made me realize how often I do that with people in my life...  I have a task to get accomplished, too little time and the person becomes a transaction rather than an interaction...  With Abby at dinner, I wanted to get her dinner ordered... task accomplished...so that we could carry on our conversation with our friends and the kids would talk among themselves.

But Abby needed interaction...  She needed me to really see her and take the time to explore what was going on in heart...  She wasn't a task to be taken care of, she was a precious 7 year old who just needed her mommy to hear her concerns... to be hugged while she cried a few tears and then life could go on...  We were all rewarded with lots of smiles and laughter.

During these last few busy days before Christmas...  may we all remember that God created us to interact... not to transact...  Take time to see and be interested in the person who rings up your groceries...  The man or woman ringing the bell at the kettle...  the person helping you with your Christmas purchases...  Most of all your children, family and friends. 

Have a WONDERFUL MERRY Christmas...

Sandwiched Between Suburbias...

Sandwiched between the suburbias surrounding most cities, is a world that most of don't realize even exists...  Or maybe if we were honest with ourselves, we'd have to admit that common sense tells us it's there, we just never choose to think about it...

In suburbia, our kids get 3 meals a day... working moms can afford to hire sitters or send their kids to day care...  children come to Book Fairs with money to buy books and trinkets...  for the most part, parents are involved in their children's lives...  they help them with their homework...  children play outside and the idea of a drive by shooting is something that happens in movies...

Frankly, most of us who live in the suburbs really have no clue...  I don't know, maybe I've just lived most of my life intensely self-centered and blind to those around me, and no one else is like me, but somehow I don't think so.  If we really knew what life was like for the children sandwiched between the suburbias, would we really keep sticking our heads in the sand?

Sorry, I guess this post is sounding a little angry, but I'm just angry with myself...  Today, I went and volunteered at a low income school in our city and once again, God opened my eyes to a world that is so different than the one I live in every day.

Even though I had just been to Africa, even to the garbage dump, I am still so incredibly naive and it's because I don't take time to think about and learn about a world... a life that's not like mine...  Intellectually I know it's there, but if I understand the reality of it, then I become responsible to do something.  Certainly not to fix it, but definitely not to just sit idly by and do nothing.

I just finished reading a book called "God in the Alley", by Greg Paul (I HIGHLY recommend it) and now I'm reading his second book, "The Twenty Piece Shuffle."  After I came home today, here's what I read, "...there are more than 2,000 references in more than 400 different passages of Scripture that speak of God's passion for the poor...  Biblical writers use more than 40 different words to describe conditions of poverty."

That's staggering to me...  I've always heard that money is the most talked about subject in the Bible, but I really have to wonder if that's accurate...

Mr. Paul draws the obvious conclusion, "Poor people have a critical place at the very heart of God's relationship with humanity."

I've been reading the book of Amos and I've been so struck at how this can apply to America...especially the church in America...  Amos prophesied at a time of great prosperity in Israel, they lived on estates, had luxurious beds, indulged themselves in their pleasures, but they ignored and oppressed the poor and afflicted and God was warning them of impending judgment.

God cares that we aren't caring for those in distress...  Yes, we've adopted and many of you have too and I know that God is pleased...  But one, or two or ten acts of obedience that reflect the heart of God do not constitute a life of obedience.

It has to be day by day... God's heart for the poor has to be reflected in the very way we live our lives...spend our money...use our time and our gifts...

God may not call me to a specific act of caring for someone in distress today, but He might be calling me to save the $20 I'm about to spend on something I, or my kids don't need, so it will be there when He does call me to care for someone in distress.

Or maybe He's asking me to give up lunch with a friend and go and mentor a child who doesn't have anyone in their life to love them...  There's a million different decisions that we make everyday that either reflect His heart for the poor, or our own desire to please ourselves...

I need... I want... to learn more about the world between the suburbias...  I long for my heart to look more like His.

Still Processing Africa...

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving!  It has been a wonderful few days for us...  Wednesday was Scott's birthday, then Thanksgiving Day with our close friends and then up to the mountains to cut our Christmas tree and the annual stop at Sonic for lunch!  It is so fun watching Abby immerse herself in our traditions, she thoroughly enjoyed herself today...  I'll post some photos later in the week when I get them downloaded.

I think the highlight of the day though was when I was watching a Christmas movie with the girls...  Abby noticed that Mackenzie had laid her head in my lap and I think she actually got jealous...  She came over, crawled up on the edge of my lap and began to nudge Mackenzie out of the way.  As time goes on, I wouldn't allow that, but that was a first, so we found a compromise and Abby ended up sitting in my lap for the rest of the movie!  Even after almost 18 months, she still can make my heart jump for joy when we cross another milestone!!

So back to processing Africa...  It's been kind of an odd Thanksgiving for me, in that I'm still trying to process all that we saw in Swaziland,  I'm really searching to understand how God wants me to respond...

As much as I loved Thanksgiving and all of the wonderful food, little Esther at the garbage dump was never far from my thoughts.  I still see her face, it's like God has burned her image onto my heart...  A part of me wishes that we had found somewhere to go and serve food to those in need...  Or maybe we should have found a family that couldn't afford to have Thanksgiving and helped them...  I don't know, but somehow I couldn't get comfortable with how much we had...  And that we did nothing for someone else.

It's an odd place to be right now...  I want to be so careful not to beat my kids up with all that we experienced, and yet, they need to know the reality of this world...  All of our hearts need to be changed by the truth of what people are living through...

The other thing I'm wrestling with is Christmas...  I know that God wants us to enjoy our blessings from Him, but what is 'enjoyment' and what is 'indulgence?'  Where does gift giving...fun...enjoyment...cross the line into selfishness...extravagance...greed?

I really don't know the answer to these questions...  And maybe that's the point, maybe God just wants us to wrestle with those questions...  To begin to look at life sacrificially...  For opportunities where we can give up something we don't need for someone who is need...

I think I'll be processing this last trip to Africa for a very long time...

When Was The Last Time You Just Said "Whatever"?

So perhaps I need to start by clarifying my question...  When was the last time you said 'Whatever', to God?

I have a dear friend who is going through A LOT right now... She's kind of a modern day Job and I love her attitude...  Everyday she just gets up and says 'whatever.'  Not in an apathetic sort of way, but in a totally surrendered way...  If He wants her to go somewhere...  she goes...  If her plans have to change...  she's fine with that...  Even in the midst of trials, my sweet friend just wants to be obedient to 'whatever' God has in store for her.

So that got me thinking...  In Sunday School, we are going through John Ortberg's book, "If You Want To Walk On Water, You Have To Get Out Of The Boat."  Now don't get me wrong, I am not criticizing his book at all...  It's a great book and our Sunday School teachers are outstanding...  But sometimes, different experiences lead to different perspectives and I've been thinking about this study from a slightly different perspective...

Granted, we are only a few chapters into the book, but for the first few weeks, much of our discussion has centered around our calling in life and we've looked at our gifts...our passions...and our desires...  But this past week, as we were challenged to think about where God has called us to step out in faith in the past, I was very confused.  My two experiences that immediately came to mind were adopting and traveling to Africa...  Neither of which meet any of the criteria that we were discussing.  I guess I should have spoken up, our Sunday School is an open discussion format, but I just couldn't seem to formulate my thoughts, until today...

Here's the thing...  Neither traveling to Africa or adopting were things that I had ever desired to do...  I don't have any spiritual gifts that would lend themselves to a calling like that, and I certainly didn't have a passion for it...

And then there was my husband, Africa was a little easier, but he was completely opposed to the idea of adoption...  In fact, initially, he said to me what has been said a thousand times, if it's been said once...  "I just don't feel called to adopt."

I will never forget, after I was absolutely convinced that we were supposed to adopt, him coming to me one evening and saying, "Sharla, what if God NEVER moves my heart to adopt?"  After a minute, in a moment of what could only have been divine inspiration, I said, "As long as I can know you are praying with a surrendered heart, then I will accept that it is not God's calling on our lives."  Funny though, when he prayed with a surrendered heart, we went to China!!

So here's what I've been thinking today... Yes, absolutely, God does use our gifts and passions, and many other things to confirm our calling...  But the place we begin to seek His calling is not in our gifts, passions or feelings, but in His WORD!!!

God says to care for the poor and needy...  So we pray, with a completely surrendered heart, about where God wants us to obedient in that...  We know that He has a heart for orphans...  So we pray with a surrendered heart about whether He wants us to adopt... Over and over, Scripture shows us what God wants...  They're not nice little suggestions...they are often commands...  It's not really a matter of 'if' God wants me to serve Him in this way... but 'how' does God want me to serve Him...

Maybe, as you've read my previous posts, you've been thinking, "Well, God hasn't called me to Africa..."  But how do you know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?  Or is it just because you don't have a 'feeling' that you want to go?  Maybe if you've been following for a long time, you might have thought, "Well God hasn't called me to adopt?"  But how do you really know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?  Maybe you don't feel called to teach Sunday School, reach out to your neighbor, visit the local homeless shelter...  But how do you know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?


There is a wonderful team traveling to Swaziland next summer...  They need 300 people to partner with local churches to do Vacation Bible School...plant community gardens and just love on the people who are so desperate to know that God still sees them...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about going?

There are hundreds of thousands of orphans that need a forever family...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about adopting just one of them?

There are families who need financial assistance to adopt?  If God really isn't calling you to adopt, would you pray with a surrendered heart and help them?

There are widows and elderly people who need a ride to the grocery store, or the doctor, or just a visit...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about reaching out to them?

There are food banks who need food...  Homeless shelters who need volunteers...  Teams that need godly coaches...  Schools who need volunteers... I could go on and on listing the needs of this world, but would you say 'yes' even before you knew the question?  Would you just get up in the morning and say, 'Whatever' Lord?  If not, then I would gently suggest that maybe you don't really know what God is calling you to do...

Out of the wilderness...

I realize that I promised a post last week on Revelation 5, but I can't even begin to describe how busy last week was, so please forgive me, I will go back to it at some point...  But I have to write about something that really grabbed my heart this morning...

I just found the most AWESOME Bible... It's by Crossway and it's a Journaling Bible!  It's the ESV translation, which I'm really loving, but it has 2 inch margins with lines.. It is the perfect quiet time/devotional Bible, you can write your thoughts on verses that touch you in the margins...

Originally when I found it, I thought I would use it to start reading through the Bible, from start to finish, but then I decided to pray and ask where I should start instead of just following what seemed like a good plan to me.  And what He impressed on my heart was the book of Hosea!  REALLY?  I love the book of Hosea, but it's not the book I would immediately think of for devotional reading...

But I am blown away!  And I just have to tell you about what I read this morning...

Hosea was written just before Israel fell to Assyria in 722 BC, God led them into exile because of their idolatry, because they had turned from Him...  He says in chapter 2, verse 13...  "And I will punish her for the feast days of the Baals (idols) when she burned offerings to them and adorned herself with her rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers and forgot me, declares the LORD."

Israel has blown it...She has been behaving like a harlot, running after all kinds of other lovers (idols) and she has forgotten her one TRUE God, who led her out of Egypt, out of slavery and into freedom.  But listen to what God says, in verses 14-17...

""Therefore I am now going to allure her;
       I will lead her into the desert
       and speak tenderly to her.
 ¹⁵ There I will give her back her vineyards,
       and will make the Valley of Achor (Achor means 'trouble') a door of hope.
       There she will sing (also means respond) as in the days of her youth,
       as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
 ¹⁶ "In that day," declares the LORD,
       "you will call me 'my husband';
       you will no longer call me 'my master.'
 ¹⁷ I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
       no longer will their names be invoked.

God leads her into the wilderness, not to punish her, but to draw her back to Him!  In the wilderness, He makes her fruitful (vineyards vs. 15)... He gives her hope in trouble (v15)...  It is there that she sings, or responds as in the days of her youth...  It makes me think of Jesus' words to the church at Ephesus in Revelation 2...  The church had lost it's first love and He urges them to repent and do the things they did at first...

In the desert, God brings her back to her first love, the ONE who led her out of slavery...  It is there, in the desert that she comes to know Him as her husband...not just as master...  Her life becomes a sacrifice of love, rather than a task of duty and obligation...

I've always hated the wilderness of life, but you know, as I think on this, I have a different perspective... 

First, if I am in the wilderness, chances are it's because my sin has made it necessary...  Over and over, when I think of the people who are led to the wilderness in Scripture (with the exception of Jesus, of course) it is because of sin in their life...  Moses went there because he tried to take God's plans into his own hands and murdered an Egyptian...  The Israelites ended up there for 40 years because they refused to believe the promises of God and take the Promised Land...  Over and over God has led His people to the wilderness to purify and refine them, to draw them back to Him...

And when I slow down and really consider the longings of my heart, I want to be fruitful... I want to live in hope, in the face of trouble...  I long to remember my first love...  I want to know Him as my husband, not as my task master...  And it is in the wilderness that God accomplishes that...

Does it have to be that way?  If we were perfect, then no...  But we live in a land of prosperity.  There are just too many distractions, lovers if you will, who will draw us away from Him and make us forget Him.  But because He loves us so much, He leads us to the wilderness...  And did you get this part, He speaks tenderly to our hearts!  I looked up the Hebrew words for speak and tenderly and get this...  Speak means to commune and tenderly is really referring to the inner man...the heart, mind and will...

God leads us to the desert to commune with our heart, mind and will...  The very thing that He wants us to love Him with all of (The first and greatest command is to love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength!)  In the wilderness, we learn to love Him as He longs to be loved!

Perhaps the wilderness isn't such a bad place after all...

Handled Not Heard...

So first, let me say thank you for all of those who have requested to follow along if I go private...yes, I know, I said 'if...'  As I've read your comments though, I realized that if I had been private, some of you who are adopting older wouldn't have been able to read about our experiences with older child adoption and really, that's the reason I started this blog in the first place...

So, I'm going to keep praying about it for a while.  I've saved all of your requests in a file, so if I do decide to go private, I'll send you an invite!!  But I admit, some of where I was on Saturday was because of some things that happened last week, and maybe a blog wouldn't be a good place to explore those feelings anyway...

So, now for the reason for my post...  Last week was a really tough week.  The details don't matter, but there was a HUGE amount of upset.  Maybe I didn't handle things so well, but I just kept getting more and more frustrated because no one was listening to me...(except for 2 of my closest friends and my husband who offered me some incredibly wise counsel through it all.)

By Friday, things were really rough and I decided to talk to someone that I trusted, who had some authority in the situation, but it was a terrible conversation, I think I ended up feeling worse than I did to begin with...

Now granted, maybe I did a TERRIBLE job of expressing what my concern was...maybe it was just the wrong time...maybe there was too much emotion for me to appropriately express what was really upsetting me, but I just couldn't seem to get anyone to hear what was at the root of my concern.

As I pondered all weekend what went wrong... I realized that I felt like I had been handled not heard and that is a really ROTTEN feeling.  I just wanted someone to listen to me and get...I mean really get...my concern.  I wasn't looking to anyone to fix it, the details at that point were all worked out, but I just needed to be heard.

But it really made me stop and think, how often do I, or have I, responded in the same way?  When someone comes to me with conflict, I want to fix their upset... I want to handle it...  But maybe people just want to be heard...to have their concerns validated and some serious consideration given to their point.

I think I've gotten better at that over the years teaching Community Bible Study, but I still have a lot to learn.  I hate conflict and usually try to end it as quickly as possible.  I think in the future though, I will try to listen more carefully to the concern behind the complaint.  Maybe all people really need is just to be heard...  My kids included!

What is it about the idea of grace?

What is it with some people and the idea of grace? One of the things that has amazed me about this process is all that God has taught me about grace. I parent with so much more grace than ever before and I am a better mother to our biological children because of Abby.

But when I say that to other people, or encourage them, with their adopted child, to parent with grace, I am almost inevitably met with, "But you have to set boundaries too." Or... "You can't have grace without discipline."

Why is it that people think that grace and boundaries or grace and discipline are mutually exclusive? From those responses, it would seem that people believe that if you are showing grace, you are not disciplining... That you are somehow letting the child "get away" with things that they shouldn't...

But if I look at the example of my Heavenly Father, His discipline is ALWAYS...100% of the time...WITHOUT fail...characterized by grace. Discipline and grace are NOT mutually exclusive...they are inextricably linked...or at least they should be...

Discipline should NEVER be administered without an abundance of grace. If God gave us what we deserve at any given moment, where would we be? I am so incredibly thankful that He doesn't feel the need to fix all that is wrong with me in a day, but that through His grace, He allows transformation to be a process...

This is a lesson that I have learned over and over this past year with Abby... I'm certain that people have thought that I let her "get away" with too much. But God has shown us clearly this year that for true change...for true obedience...a relationship is needed, so I've focused on building that relationship... not as her friend, but as her mother... Meeting her most basic needs time and time again... making sure that she is never hungry... being patient with so many little things because they were opportunities to build trust at the most basic level.

In many ways, even though she was 6 when we adopted her, Abby needed to be treated like a newborn for a time. She needed time to learn to trust us... Just because we had a piece of paper that said we were her parents, it didn't automatically make us her parents in her heart or mind, and we needed to respect her by respecting that...

As the adult, I expected the most basic degree of respect from her and there were certain boundaries that were not negotiable...but it has only been in the last few months that I have really been in the mode of teaching her what it means to respect me as her mother, with her attitude, her tone of voice, etc. And yet, that discipline (which by the way refers to consistent training, NOT punishment) has been applied with an abundance of grace...

And do you know, the walls are really coming down! If you were able to spend any time with us, you would see a really special relationship developing between the two of us. She comes to me for almost everything...even to untangle her Barbie's hair! She sits in bed with me if I'm sick, or just want to read... She comes looking for me when she can't find me... Tonight, my shoulder was hurting and she pinched and rubbed it with those precious little hands for over 1/2 an hour. I kept saying, "Abby, if you're hands are tired, it's ok to stop..." "I fine mommy!" And she is trusting me with her stories from China, like how she was afraid when the buildings would shake (the earthquake)... No one else gets to hear those stories...

Grace is reaping a hefty reward... Allowing her to grow into this relationship, not demanding that she treat me a certain way has been long and difficult at times...sometimes frustrating...even more times, heartbreaking... But to see where we are now is so worth it...

But if you're one of those who believe that grace and discipline are mutually exclusive, you may be thinking, "Well I bet that child is a terror..." Far from it... She is an utter joy! She is obedient... I rarely have to ask her to do anything more than once... A firm word easily corrects attitudes and actions and she is polite beyond description. It didn't happen overnight... but discipline...consistently and gently applied...with abundant grace and love has been the key.

When the walls of the levys in New Orleans came down...it wasn't the gale force winds of Katrina that did it... It was the constant pressure of the water against the walls... And that is what our love and grace can do for these precious children who have been through so much...it will, over time, bring down the walls of their hearts. I think the photos from the previous post really give you a picture of that...

Art That Will Break Your Heart...

In my travels, I had the incredible blessing to go a little out of my way and stop by the Heart For Africa offices, the organization that I'm traveling to Africa with in a few weeks!!

In the offices are 2 murals that were done by the children at 2 of the children's homes that they work with in Kenya and Swaziland...

I asked permission to photograph them so I could show them to you and to people at home... They give you a glimpse into the lives of these children and all that they have lived through...

While my girls are painting butterflies and flowers, children on the opposite side of the world are painting this...

From Kenya...

In the top row, from left to right, you have a representation of life in the streets of Kenya... they live in shacks in the city...sewer runs in the streets...they had a celebration when Heart For Africa built them a long drop... basically a hole in the ground that is their toilet...

The second photo is clearly a funeral... Death surrounds them...notice the other 6 graves to the right...

The third photo is men with guns... I don't know all that these children have seen, but I know that in Kenya, violence is common... The children who live in the streets sniff a mixture of glue and gasoline, that is highly addictive, to escape the reality of their lives...

Below the picture of the shacks is a picture of the children's home... The children have faces...some are smiling...they are playing soccer...

Below the picture of death is a picture of a school... Education is their hope for a way out and one of the best defenses against AIDS...

And the third picture is of the children graduating... The top row is a picture of their desperation...their sadness...their fear...their hopelessness...the bottom row is a picture of life...of someone who cares...of hope...

In Swaziland, some of the children at one of the homes painted this... It was impossible to hold back the tears as I realized all that this represented... This was their life before the children's home...

The father leaves and goes with his girlfriend to the city... He comes home... The mother receives him back... They fight... The child crawls under the bed and then the doctor gives him a diagnosis of AIDS... He dies and then the mother has to scrounge through the garbage for food...

According to HFA's website, Swaziland has one of the highest rates of AIDS in the world... The population is 950,000... HIV/AIDS claims 42.6% of the population... There are over 70,000 orphans in Swaziland alone!!

When I went to Africa the first time, we drove past the city garbage dump... There were families all over it... They were eating and drinking things they found on the garbage dump... It was heart wrenching.

It is just not right that children are painting scenes of adultery... fighting... death... hopelessness and yet they paint them because they've lived them...

If you want to know more about Africa, I highly recommend Janine Maxwell's (she's the VP of HFA) book, It's Not Okay With Me, but be prepared, if you read her book, you might find yourself signing up to go... I did and what I found, wasn't ok with me either...

The Trek Of The Deer...

So, when I wrote about "How I'm Like A Goat," I also promised you a post about something I learned about deer... This was fascinating to me...

The last day we were there, R's husband, C, took me for a ride in their mule and this was one of the views...

Just stunning... The line of trees that you can see running in the picture, actually run along a beautiful river there, and C was telling me that for 100's of years, the deer have followed a trek that runs through that corner of the field. He said that they had found a lot of arrowheads back there, because that's where the Indians would hunt the deer. Makes sense, if the deer had been following the same trek for all those years, they would be an easy target for hunting.

Well, I was fascinated... "Does anything disrupt their following this trek?" I thought maybe building, tearing up the land, etc would cause them to go elsewhere, but C said, "No, that's why you will often see so many deer in neighborhoods." No matter what we do, they just keep following their trek...

So I said, "C, what will disrupt it then?" The entire herd would have to die out... It gets passed from generation to generation as the young follow the old in the same trek year after year... Amazing...

But it got me thinking... The same is so true for our children! Exodus 20:4-6 says, "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. ⁵ You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, ⁶ but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments."

Ugh... back to the whole idol thing again... When we worship modern day idols (back to the goat again) we're just like the deer, teaching our children to walk in the same paths that we walk in... That's one of the reasons why alcoholism runs in families... But when our children watch us seek satisfaction from everywhere else but God, they learn to do the same thing.

This is a portion of one of my all time favorite parenting quotes...

"A child's character is forming under a principle, not of choice, but of nurture. The spirit of the house is breathed into his nature, day by day.

The anger and gentleness, the fretfulness – and patience – the appetites, passions, and manners – all the variant moods of feeling exhibited around him, pass into him as impressions, and become seeds of character in him; not because the parents will, but because it must be so, whether they will it or not...

The spirit of the house is in the members of the children by nurture, not by teaching, not by any attempt to communicate the same, but because it is the air the children breathe."

In other words, it's the path they watch us walk, and follow with us, day after day after day... And just like the deer, it is almost impossible to disrupt that path and cause them to change course, once it's been ingrained in them...

That's why I said the other day, "It's alot easier to stay off of a path, than it is to get off of it, once you're already on it." We have to be so careful of the paths we step onto, because our children are following in our footsteps.

Amazing what you can learn from the habits of goat and deer...

Have a great week... The boys are off to youth camp and the girls are off to somewhere else in the south to visit family... Scott will be holding down the fort... just him and the dog! He'll probably enjoy some peace and quiet!!

How I'm Like A Goat!!

So, in my earlier post about our trip somewhere else, I showed you this picture of a goat...



And here's another...



This goat cracked me up... he kept sticking his head through the fence... It would get stuck, he would pull, twist, pull and struggle to get out...Finally he would get out and then put his head right back in again, just to start the process all over again... It was so funny! As you can see, it was quite the spectacle!



That evening, I mentioned to R's husband about the goat and how funny it was to watch him... And he told me that they do that a lot... They put their heads through the fence...sometimes they get themselves out... sometimes they have to wait for someone to come and help them and yet they do it over and over... And sometimes, they kill themselves trying to get out on their own...

And you know, it was one of those times when I was one step ahead of that still small voice... It's like when my kids say to me, "I know what you're going to say...." I knew what my Heavenly Father wanted to say to me... "Girl, you are so much like that goat!!"

Let's take Chicos for instance... Now for those of you who don't have a Chicos near you, it is my number 1 favorite clothing store!! I'm not even going to put a link to their website... if you want to find them, you'll have to google them yourself, I will not be directly responsible for causing someone else's addiction!

But, no matter how good my intentions are... No matter how much I've committed in my heart that I'm going to stick to a budget... When I walk through the doors of Chicos...all of those good intentions go right out the window... Jackets... Pants... Sweaters... they start calling my name... The colors...the styles... just eye candy! And I feel so good in their clothes (remember how good Michael Phelps mom always looked sitting in the stands of the Olympics, well, she shops at Chicos!)... No matter what size you are, you can find something that looks hot! (My son will die that I used that word in a blog!!)

And that's where I'm like the goat... I know better than to even darken their doors... I go in thinking, "I've got a few minutes, I'll just look around..." But like that goat, I get stuck... I walk out with things I shouldn't purchase... I wake up the next morning, full of regret that once again, I've proven how little self-discipline I really have and swear never to do it again... But like that goat, I always end up with my head stuck right back in that Chico's fence!!

But it could be anything... Food...things we shouldn't look at on tv... or the computer... maybe relationships... work... or even exercise. Maybe you have a different favorite store... one that sells shoes... or furniture... or home accessories... But we can turn them all into modern day idols! And here's the really sad thing, they are all just distractions from what our heart's really need...

I'm not saying that all of these are bad...that you should never shop...or exercise...or watch tv... I'm just saying we have to guard our hearts and be sure that we aren't using them to fill a place in our hearts that only God Himself can fill... Or, that we aren't using them as an escape...

Cause here's the thing... When I get caught up in my modern day idols, I lose my taste for God... Kind of like, when you eat too much junk food... fruit and vegetables taste terrible... That's what modern day idols do for our relationship with God!

I am reading the best book, "No Other Gods," by Kelly Minter. I LOVE the way this girl writes... She gets right to the heart of the matter... And I have been so convicted! I know that's why this goat so grabbed my attention...

The fence to the goat is my idols to me... The things that entrap and enslave me... the things that I extricate myself from, swearing I'll never do again... Only to find myself with my heart, stuck right back in the same fence!

Jesus died to set us free... But am I living in that freedom? Not when my heart is stuck in some other fence... It pains me to say this, but when I keep putting my heart back through the same fence, I am acting as if the cross has no power... And that breaks my heart, because I know better than that!

So, this goat needs to invite the Holy Spirit to tear down some of those fences that keep entrapping my heart... I clearly can't do it on my own!!

(Stay tuned...in a few days, I'll tell you what C. taught me about the deer!! Bet you can't wait!!)

Have a great... fence free day!!