Interaction or Transaction?

Hi...  It's been so long since I've blogged...  And it's been even longer since I've written about adoption.  I don't know what it is about this time of year, but I just get blog weary.  I don't want anything to do with my blog...  I don't read other blogs...  I guess I just have to take a break, but there's just been so much percolating in my heart and mind these last few days that it finally just needed to be poured out here...

I learned an important lesson at dinner the other night...


We had taken our family to dinner with our good friends and Abby was having a MAJOR attitude issue...  She was pouting...  she refused to order any thing to drink and she wouldn't answer her daddy when he tried to find out what she wanted to eat...

That really rubbed me the wrong way and I proceeded to tell her (I hate to admit this, but not in my nicest voice ever) that if she persisted with that attitude and refused to eat, she would just have to go to bed hungry...  Yes, I was being a jerk...  Thankfully though, the Spirit in my heart did one of those quiet, gentle, but unmistakable nudges and I decided to explore this attitude a little...

I pulled her over to the side, to an empty chair, pulled her close and started questioning her about her attitude...  She was tired (she had fallen asleep in the car on the way to the restaurant) and she looked up at me with BIG puddles of tears in her eyes and said, "Mommy, I'm just tired and I don't want to eat...  Do I HAVE to eat?"

I hugged her close, assured her that she didn't have to eat anything she didn't want and compromised by ordering her noodles and water...  She cried for a few more minutes and then everything was fine...  And before we knew it, she was sampling off everyone else's plates, which was fine because there was WAY too much food!

I think it's good that she is so much a part of our family, that we treat her like our biological kids...  But the fact is, she has come from a completely different place...  A place that requires an extra measure of grace...  An extra dose of patience and an abundance of understanding...  And yet, it's a lesson that is beneficial to every relationship...  I need to slow down and find out what's really going on in people's lives...  I need to interact with them, not just transact with them...

So what do I mean by that?  It's a lesson I've learned from Africa...  In Africa, business transactions are first and foremost about the relationship and then about the business.  There's this little gift shop that I love to go in at the hotel we stay in.  Too many times, I've run in there with too little time to find something to take home.  And too often the ladies who work there have seemed offended because they tried to make conversation and I was too focused on completing my transaction to be concerned with my interaction with them...

When I went in November, I made a concious effort to do something different...  This time I went in and before I started looking around, I took the time to talk to them and be interested in their lives...  I took the time to SEE them as people...  Not as just a means to an end.

Well, the incident with Abby at dinner made me realize how often I do that with people in my life...  I have a task to get accomplished, too little time and the person becomes a transaction rather than an interaction...  With Abby at dinner, I wanted to get her dinner ordered... task accomplished...so that we could carry on our conversation with our friends and the kids would talk among themselves.

But Abby needed interaction...  She needed me to really see her and take the time to explore what was going on in heart...  She wasn't a task to be taken care of, she was a precious 7 year old who just needed her mommy to hear her concerns... to be hugged while she cried a few tears and then life could go on...  We were all rewarded with lots of smiles and laughter.

During these last few busy days before Christmas...  may we all remember that God created us to interact... not to transact...  Take time to see and be interested in the person who rings up your groceries...  The man or woman ringing the bell at the kettle...  the person helping you with your Christmas purchases...  Most of all your children, family and friends. 

Have a WONDERFUL MERRY Christmas...