Tuesday, October 20, 2009

What A Day...

I don't want to go into all of the details of the day because it involves situations in other people's lives, but I'm starting to think you wouldn't want to be my friend right now, because I have so many friends,or their close family members, who are suffering, and I don't mean little stuff, but really big stuff, life and death kind of stuff...

And then today, someone very, very close to me had a scare too...  I can't begin to describe the stress level by the end of the day and yet, the peace was amazing.  At one point I felt so completely overwhelmed by circumstances and I just started praying and God gently reminded me that He is in control... I don't have to worry about the what-ifs, because He knows...It may seem uncertain to me, but NOTHING is uncertain for Him...

This study in Revelation has so increased my view of God, it is amazing what a difference it makes in the day to day happenings of life...

After I got all of my kids home from their various practices, meetings, etc., I decided we were going to dinner...  Scott is out of town tonight and this mom needed a break.  So we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and we talked, we laughed and before I knew it, the tension in my body was gone...  I have the most AWESOME kids!  Thank you for the much needed laughter!!

By the time we got home, it was time for Abby to go to bed and I noticed that she had put her new pillow, that she just received in bed with her.  Yesterday, she received the most incredible gift from Scott's grandmother...  She took a picture, I guess from the blog and quilted it into a pillow!  Grandmother M...  What a treasure you gave her...  She so loves it!!  She wants me to make a picture of it so she can take it and show it to her teacher!

But we started talking about the photo... It was from Gotcha Day, but it was one of her early smiles, when her siblings had first gotten her to laugh and giggle...  I love the picture.  So as we were talking about it, I said, "Abby, you look so young in that picture, it's hard to believe it was only a year ago."  And she said, "But mommy, I was 5 in that picture."  I reminded her that no, she had to be 6 because she was 6 when we got her.

At that point she told me how confused she was...  She said, "Mommy, in China some people tell me I '4' and some tell me I '5'..."  And then she started telling me about the orphanage.  She has NEVER talked about the orphanage before... I was beginning to wonder if she even remembered.  She told me about some of the children... about a little child, she couldn't tell if the child was a boy or girl, who looked really weird and then she said,, "Mommy, I think they die...  I really scared."

At that point my heart broke, a nameless child, who never knew the love of a family had died alone in an orphanage.  And a very observant child, silently watching, with no one to explain what was happening, no one to reassure her...  I'm sure it was terrifying...  And I understand now why she talks so easily about death...  If anyone gets sick, one of her first questions is always, "Are they going to die?"  What all has this precious child seen?

Next she told me about a little girl who was so cute.  She described how she had a place on her face, probably some type of birth mark, or spot, but that it didn't matter, "she still so cute!"

And then she told me how they would cut her fingernails too short and how they would bleed...

I could have listened to her for hours...  But then she said, "Mommy, I tell you more tomorrow if you want."  (She's very serious about her bed time!)  I'm so thankful for the 2 hours I will have with her tomorrow and I'm even more thankful that she's finally comfortable enough to start telling me these stories, admitting her fears and hurts and uncertainties...  When you watch the process an older child goes through in adoption, you know for certain that God is still in the miracle and heart healing business...

7 comments:

Cammie Howard said...

I am grateful for the peace you feel amidst so much struggle going on around you...and glad you got to go out and laugh with your kids tonight!

Naomi said...

Oh my, you'll have us all crying with these stories of what it was like for her in the orphanage!! So sad but what another break through that she wants to share this with you.

Hope that you continue to feel His peace and presence in the midst of so much heartache!! There are times when I feel just the same way.... so burdened by all the suffering and sickness and then death! Oh how it makes me long for Heaven!!!

Love for Lilly Yin said...

I hope (when language comes better) that Lilly is able to tell us more too. Sometimes she has told me little things, but for the most part she doesn't talk about it. I am sure Lilly has experienced death too, because one of the other kids adopted older from the same orphanage has told his Mom about the kids dying. So sad.

Lori said...

Wow. I'm so sorry you had such a stressful day. I hope today is better, and the Lord brings you more peace, more reassurance, and good news.

Your precious girl really must be feeling comfortable with you to reveal her vulnerable heart. No doubt, healing is taking place as she voices her hurts from the past. What a wonderful opportunity this is for you to show YOUR love for her...and more importantly, the love of CHRIST.

sierrasmom said...

She's like a flower opening up petal by petal, beautiful as a bud, but not reaching her full potential until she is in full bloom!! And you have been the soil, sun and water that has helped this miracle unfold!!!!
( as He knew it would!)
Kathie

Wife of the Pres. said...

Thank you so much sweet friend for sharing.

Bless her heart. I can't imagine.

At times, I am TERRIFIED and then God speaks to me though one of you sharing candidly and honestly.

Hope things are going better for you and those around you having hard times.

April Isaacs said...

So so sad to think about life in an orphanage. I will never forget right before we left for China seeing a picture of an older child (7). She was getting ready to be adopted by the lady of the blog I was reading. It was the child's birthday and since they wouldn't have her by then, they sent her a cake. All the kids were gathered around watching her around the cake. All of a sudden it hit me. The kids around the cake weren't going home at the end of the party. They didn't have families. I don't know why it hit me like it did... but it was the weirdest thing to think. Maybe that it hit me like that was weird... because it's not really weird, it's heartbreaking. I remember crying.

Abby, I can't imagine what other memories are up in the little brain of hers. It will be interesting to watch it come out.

Would you have ever believed last year that she would be so open?

Big Hugs,
April