What A Day...

I don't want to go into all of the details of the day because it involves situations in other people's lives, but I'm starting to think you wouldn't want to be my friend right now, because I have so many friends,or their close family members, who are suffering, and I don't mean little stuff, but really big stuff, life and death kind of stuff...

And then today, someone very, very close to me had a scare too...  I can't begin to describe the stress level by the end of the day and yet, the peace was amazing.  At one point I felt so completely overwhelmed by circumstances and I just started praying and God gently reminded me that He is in control... I don't have to worry about the what-ifs, because He knows...It may seem uncertain to me, but NOTHING is uncertain for Him...

This study in Revelation has so increased my view of God, it is amazing what a difference it makes in the day to day happenings of life...

After I got all of my kids home from their various practices, meetings, etc., I decided we were going to dinner...  Scott is out of town tonight and this mom needed a break.  So we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and we talked, we laughed and before I knew it, the tension in my body was gone...  I have the most AWESOME kids!  Thank you for the much needed laughter!!

By the time we got home, it was time for Abby to go to bed and I noticed that she had put her new pillow, that she just received in bed with her.  Yesterday, she received the most incredible gift from Scott's grandmother...  She took a picture, I guess from the blog and quilted it into a pillow!  Grandmother M...  What a treasure you gave her...  She so loves it!!  She wants me to make a picture of it so she can take it and show it to her teacher!

But we started talking about the photo... It was from Gotcha Day, but it was one of her early smiles, when her siblings had first gotten her to laugh and giggle...  I love the picture.  So as we were talking about it, I said, "Abby, you look so young in that picture, it's hard to believe it was only a year ago."  And she said, "But mommy, I was 5 in that picture."  I reminded her that no, she had to be 6 because she was 6 when we got her.

At that point she told me how confused she was...  She said, "Mommy, in China some people tell me I '4' and some tell me I '5'..."  And then she started telling me about the orphanage.  She has NEVER talked about the orphanage before... I was beginning to wonder if she even remembered.  She told me about some of the children... about a little child, she couldn't tell if the child was a boy or girl, who looked really weird and then she said,, "Mommy, I think they die...  I really scared."

At that point my heart broke, a nameless child, who never knew the love of a family had died alone in an orphanage.  And a very observant child, silently watching, with no one to explain what was happening, no one to reassure her...  I'm sure it was terrifying...  And I understand now why she talks so easily about death...  If anyone gets sick, one of her first questions is always, "Are they going to die?"  What all has this precious child seen?

Next she told me about a little girl who was so cute.  She described how she had a place on her face, probably some type of birth mark, or spot, but that it didn't matter, "she still so cute!"

And then she told me how they would cut her fingernails too short and how they would bleed...

I could have listened to her for hours...  But then she said, "Mommy, I tell you more tomorrow if you want."  (She's very serious about her bed time!)  I'm so thankful for the 2 hours I will have with her tomorrow and I'm even more thankful that she's finally comfortable enough to start telling me these stories, admitting her fears and hurts and uncertainties...  When you watch the process an older child goes through in adoption, you know for certain that God is still in the miracle and heart healing business...