Love Without Reserve...

I’ve been home for over a week now, but somehow I can’t get this trip out of my mind and heart…  Even more, I can’t get the people out of my mind and heart…  I miss them…  I’ve thought of a thousand questions I wished I’d asked them…  Questions about their life…  Their struggles…  Their joys…  And I’m utterly frustrated because I have no immediate way to communicate with them. 

But there’s something I struggle with...

I love these people…  It’s not logical…  I’ve known them for 6 ½ days of my life…  It’s not really rational…  But I do…  I want to be back with them…  I want to work in their garden with them (and I hate gardening!)…  I just want to sit and really talk to them…  And of course, worship with them! And the cool thing is that it’s a love with no real expectations…  They can’t give me anything…  Or really do anything for me…   

But I admit, I want them to feel the same way about me, and I don't always trust that they do… I want them to love me and accept me… Not for what I bring…  Or who I might know in the US…  Or for what I might help them build…  Because the reality is, I don’t really have any influence to get people to give money…  I’m not well connected… I don’t have a storehouse of money myself… I’m just an ordinary suburban mom who has fallen in love with a small country on the opposite side of the world.   No explainable reason…  it’s just what’s so!

But then it hit me... Isn’t that the kind of love God wants from us?  A love without strings…  A love that has no ‘in order to’ attached to…  ‘In order to’ get blessings…  ‘In order to’ have an illness healed…  ‘In order to’ be successful…  or have great children… or whatever…

Last year, on the last day we were in the community, I had a really hard time because the Pastor pulled out the blueprints for the church/meeting center he longs to build…  The man is truly a visionary…  But unlike most Americans, who can run to the bank for a loan, he has no resources.  So who can really blame him for making the most of an opportunity, isn’t that what a true visionary in the US would do?

And yet, I struggled with that for months, I even considered not going back to the same community…  Because I didn’t want him to play a game with me, telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, only to get what he wanted…  Thankfully, in the end, a greater love and grace than anything I’m capable of, overrode my need to protect myself…  And God taught me something in the process...

I'm really no different in my relationship with God…  I often tell Him what I think He wants to hear... Worry that if I don't have the 'right quiet' time, I might not get His blessings... or I might make Him unhappy, which would cause Him to withhold His blessings...  I wrestle with, "Am I doing enough...  Praying enough...  Reading my Bible enough..."  And yet, that is not who God is...  And that is certainly NOT the gospel... the good news...  Jesus gave His life for...

  

God just wants our love, whether He chooses to give….or to take away…  He just wants us to want Him…  Not His stuff…  Not His miracles… Not His ability to right every wrong…

And yet, the really cool thing is that He loves unconditionally…  He loves us faithfully…  He still shows up… Even when we love Him for the wrong reasons…   

As I understand more and more how risky (and even a little scary) it is to love with no reserve….to love unconditionally… my gratitude for God’s love just goes deeper and deeper…

Special Visitors...

3 years ago, when we adopted Abby, we were so blessed to travel with the family that was adopting Abby's older foster sister, Penny.  It was amazing how God orchestrated all of the details, as we were with 2 different agencies...  I will never forget the day that I received an e-mail that simply said, "I think I'm adopting your daughter's older foster sister..."  And from that point on, we received our approvals together, and even walked into the Ch*na Adoption Affairs building at the same time...

Unfortunately they live many miles from here, so it's been a couple of years since our last visit...  But yesterday, they came through our town and we got to spend time with Abby's foster sister and her 6...  Yes, SIX adopted sisters...  They are an amazing family!  And I got to have 4 of them spend the night with us...  Oh the laughter and the giggles...

I just wished we lived closer to them...

Here are a few pictures...

Abby and Penny

The "Sleep Over" Gang

The WHOLE Gang

R & C...  You are one special couple with an amazing family!  How God must smile!!  Thanks for coming to see us!!

A Call That Made My Day...

For some reason, coming home from Swaziland this time has been the hardest yet...  I've just been so stinkin' sad about what I learned this time...  Funny, while I was there, I had so much fun with them...  But coming home, as I've had time to really process our conversations, I'm overwhelmed with the depth of the need there and the obstacles they face...

And of course, all of that need costs money...  It cost to go there...  It cost to help them with resources...  And that feels overwhelming too...

But in the midst of it all, some really cool things have been happening and God's been busy reminding me that He still owns the cattle on a thousand hills...

On Tuesday I learned that in a Silent Auction, that Ruby's Gift (on Selwyn Avenue), held for me right before I left, raised $245!!  Guess what the deposit amount is to open a trip account at Heart For Africa?  $250!  (Ruby's Gift is a GREAT gift shop that features only local artists...  Stop by sometime, it is a really fun place to shop!)


That same day, I received my acceptance letter into a really big juried art festival in September...

Yesterday, I stopped by another gift shop (Honeysuckle) where I have a booth for my jewelry and was stunned when she gave me my check for July...  I thought July was going to be a terrible month...  But it was my 2nd best so far!!

In the evening, I happened to check my website and realized a sale had come through while I was gone...  when I e-mailed her to apologize for the delay in getting her order to her, she said her friend had received one my necklaces as a birthday gift and that's how she found out about my jewelry!  Referrals are such a good sign for a business!

And then the phone call that made my day...  One of Zack's good friends called looking for him, I'll call him C...  C is a great young man and very talented...  He leads worship and wow, can he can sing!  Since Zack was at soccer practice, C said, "Mrs. M..., I've been wanting to talk to you...  In a few weeks my first CD is coming out and I'd like to donate a portion of my profits to your next trip to Africa."

I was stunned...  I wasn't even sure what to say...  At 17, I was all about me...  I wanted to make (and spend) all that I could...  It would have never occurred to me to give it away!

And in that moment God taught me something...  He will move in willing hearts and He WILL accomplish His purposes, I just need to keep taking one step at a time, praying and trusting that God will provide what is needed!

Well, I told C that I would be honored for him to donate to my next trip, but would he be willing to pray about something first... I am not a non-profit and while you can contribute to my trips through Heart For Africa, which is a non-profit...  Heart For Africa is the one that people need to be pointed to...  God is doing amazing things through them in Swaziland!

I also told him about the community that I've grown to love and I told him about their need for a well...  And that seemed to really touch his heart...  So we are in the process of exploring if we can do the well through HFA...  If so, God may have just opened the door, and started providing the resources for this community to get the water they so desperately need...  I had been praying and asking God for clear direction about whether or not to pursue raising funds for a well...  And He answered through a selfless 17 year old young who was willing to hear his Father's voice and follow...

2 Corinthians 9:8 says, "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

God will accomplish His purposes...  He will equip me, and Heart For Africa, and that awesome community in Swaziland, and YOU... for every good work that He has planned...  I definitely need to memorize that verse and hang on to it!!

Tomorrow I'll tell you about some VERY special visitors that will be here later today!!!  It's going to be a GREAT day!!  (And when C's CD is available in a few weeks, I'll let you know that too!)

The Weight of a Word...

Over the summer, we have been studying the parables in our Sunday School...  At the beginning of the summer, one of the first ones we considered was the parable of the Shrewd Manager, in Luke 16:1-12...  There's many different schools of thought on this parable...  But I just want to share how it hit me...

In Luke 16:1, the master accuses his manager, or steward, of  "wasting his - the master's - goods."  Those words have haunted me all summer, but the weight of them has increased exponentially since returning from Swaziland.

I look around me, even in the room I'm sitting in, and I see so much waste...  Books that were never finished...  who needs so many books... accessories on the shelves that do nothing but collect dust...  just stuff...  too much stuff.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not in any way saying it's wrong to enjoy God's blessings...  this is not meant to be a guilt trip...  but for me, I just need to take a long look and call a spade a spade...  or waste waste...

When I think about the waste...  I see a bore hole that could have been...  or a women's center to teach them skills to earn income that could be started today...  I see so much potential for eternal value that has been wasted...  

As my friend Naomi posted yesterday, she's being challenged "to not get caught up in this life but to lay aside that which we don't really need. It is a snare that we can easily get caught up in if we do not guard our hearts."

5 trips to Africa and I still have a hard time guarding my heart...  Time and distance are not my friends when it comes to keeping the heart clean, after a trip like this...  But God has promised to complete the good work He began and I trust that He will not give up on me...  (thank goodness!)...

True transformation starts with a broken heart...  So instead of wallowing in regret and guilt, I will simply choose a different path and I will ask Him how I can start to clean up my mess of too much stuff... 

As I continue to learn from these trips...  stuff doesn't make me happy or bring lasting joy...  but the smallest offering, to someone in need, brings a joy that is far beyond anything of this world...

Bubbles...

Balls...

Ourselves!

Reality Check

So after many hours of travel, we are home...  From Swaziland to my mom's 44 1/2 LONG hours...  Flight delays...  missed connecting flights...  ridiculous amounts of confusion at the airline counters...  crazy stuff...  but I'd do it all again to be back in Swaziland!  Every time I leave there, I leave a piece of my heart...

As I've had many hours to think, there's a few things I've had some time to ponder and process, this one may be a little long, but I've got to get this out...

First,  the last day I was talking to M (one of the young ladies I wrote about earlier) and we were talking about watering the garden...  They now have 2 water tanks there so I asked how much does it cost to fill them...  300 rand...  roughly $50...  My immediate response (which thankfully didn't come out of my mouth) was "oh, that's not too bad." 

Really Sharla?  Think that one through for a minute...  The average income in Swaziland is $1/day...  So to fill the water tanks, one would have to work 50 days...  basically 2 months, just to have easier access to water...  Otherwise they carry it from the cow's pond...  A pond that the cows walk in, poop in...  You get the picture...  We carried water from that pond...  My container was about 3/4 full...  I don't know how they do it time after time...

Sometimes they can afford to pay for the water truck, but the truck doesn't come...  For the most part Swaziland is dry...  Maybe 2-3 months of a rainy season, but that's it...

Now in Swaziland, with water, they could have almost a year round growing season, the climate there is wonderful...  but without water, nothing grows (wow...  is there a spiritual parallel in that!)...  And when nothing grows, they have nothing to eat...  They can't feed themselves, much less orphans in their community who have no one to provide for them...

Is there a solution?  YES...  A bore hole (basically a well)...  would be a start to changing their lives...

Second, when I was there last year, the pastor showed us plans for a church he would love to build...  I admit, I had a hard time with that...  starving children and you want to build a church?  But really, he's got a visionary spirit...  He doesn't want to just build a church, but something that can be used as a conference center and rented for meeting space...  You see, the new Swazi national airport just opened up nearby...  So often there is a need for conference space...  In addition, the schools are often looking for a larger place to meet...  It makes so much sense...

But God did something that convicted my heart on this trip...  He made it rain...  And while it rained, I stood in their current church, trying to find shelter... This is their church...

If you go to church, does your church look like this?  Do you have a hard time staying dry?  Or warm?  Or cool?  Are you worried that your church might cave in on you?  Do you sit on wooden benches with no backs?  Or nice chairs/pews?  Do you have any wooden benches that are balancing on cinder blocks? 

I needed the rain to wash my self-righteous heart and show me what it's like to walk in their shoes for a while... 

Finally, on the five hour bus drive from Swaziland to Johannesburg, Mr. K (the father of the family that served with us at the same church...) told us about a conversation that he had with some of the young men in the community...  Really special young men who have hopes and dreams, who are so smart and wise, and yet have no opportunities to improve their lives because of a wretched economy and a political system that thrives on bribery...

Well, Mr. K asked them about HIV and found that they had not been tested because they were afraid of the results...  HIV has a terrible stigma attached to it...  They don't understand that ARV's really can help them...  There is a hopelessness associated with it that is destroying this country...  Why dream?  Why work hard?  Why fight?  If you're just going to die?

The average life expectancy in Swaziland is 29 1/2...  I can hardly stand to write this next part...  These young men that touched the hearts of my sons...  Who made me laugh and smile...  Who became family in 3 short days...  They are all around 24...  If they are HIV positive, and if they don't get help, they will become a statistic...  Good minds... hard workers...  so many gifts and abilities...  wasted... 

I have no doubt that someday God will hold Americans accountable for how we wasted His blessings... But I have to wonder, will He also hold us accountable for how we didn't at least try to help others make the most of the gifts/talents they had been blessed with?

I don't know what the answer is...  I know it's not more money just thrown at them that provides a temporary bandaid...  But maybe it's some resources that help them overcome the most basic obstacles...  Maybe it's business people who can come alongside them, stepping into their culture and discovering how to generate income... 

Maybe it's a bore hole that will enable them to water their crops...  a few more fruit trees... seedlings... that can will enable them to grow extra crops to sell...  to buy concrete blocks to build a conference center....to produce more income that will eventually enable them to build the children's home they dream of...  I don't know, but life...  spiritual, as well as physical, starts with a small seed...  God can do alot with something small...  He is the God of the impossible! 

Last Day...

What an incredible trip this has been…  Completely different than any other trip, and perhaps my favorite one of all!  Something was different this time…  In the past, there have always been stories and experiences that broke my heart and I think it led me to a place where I felt more pity than kinship.  But  this trip has been special because it went to a whole new level…

We found joy in the midst of suffering…  Laughter in the middle of pain and struggles… Hope dropped into the center of despair…  It was clear that God used our team to bring a special message of hope to this community… 

Last days are always hard and I was surprised at the Pastor’s words as he opened our time of prayer and worship (with dancing!!)…  He said, “The day has come and the hour is coming of your departure.  I want to hide because I don’t want to experience that…  You have left footprints on our soil and you have left footprints on our heart.”

All we did was show up…  It’s amazing how God can use such a small offering.  We started the day with planting and I had the blessing of talking to M while she watered.  She said, “Are you coming back next year?”  “M…  I’m praying that I will be here…  you pray too.”  She said, “Well, if you come back but have to go to a different church, we would understand, but come to see us.”  I said, “M…  if I’m in Swaziland, I’m coming here, or I don’t want to come at all.”  Her eyes welled up and she said, “I can see that you love us…  I can feel it, all in my heart.”

I’m still amazed that somehow God can work that kind of a bond, in just a few days, in people who are so different…  But He can…  That’s how powerful His love is!

After we finished our work… we played…  we talked…  we just enjoyed each other’s company…  Zack and Nick, with another dad on our team, played soccer…  We sorted clothes that we had brought…  we made bracelets that another team member had brought…   

As it came time to leave, Pastor asked our team to come up front as they wanted to bless us…  we had no idea what was coming...  One by one, our names were called and a different member of the church came to dress us in a traditional swazi wrap…  It was the most special, honorable thing they could have done… This is a trip I will always treasure! 

I’m sure I’ll have much more to say, as I continue to process this trip, but in the am. we leave to go to the airport…  I can’t believe another year has come and gone, that once again I have to say goodbye…  But while I am sad, I go with heart full of smiles and laughter…  I can’t wait to come back!

A Beautiful Picture of The Church

Today was another great day…  6 years ago, on mom’s first trip to Swaziland, she spent 5 days working in a little village, Kabuta.  And on each trip since then, she has returned to visit a family, a really special family!  And wow…  what a blessing to take the boys there today also…  We had a great time with them!  

The highlight of the day was when we presented them with the trees that we had brought to them…  In the past, mom’s always taken fruit trees, but Heart For Africa has learned about a bush called the Moringa bush.  It’s an amazing food source.  But so few people know about it, mom was afraid they’d be disappointed that we didn’t bring more fruit trees.  But we were the ones in for a surprise…  As mom started to explain what she had brought…  Samuel, the dad, got very excited…  So did his son…  They knew all about the moringa bush and wanted some, but didn’t have a way to get any…  They couldn’t believe we had brought moringa bushes!  Who but God could have pulled that off!

But that’s really not what’s on my heart to write about tonight…  I just can’t stop thinking about the community we’ve been working in…  In the last year, they’ve more than doubled the garden that Heart For Africa started for them.  They’ve taken great care of the cook shelter our team built for them, it still looks like new…  And they still have all of the tools that we gave them last year.

They’ve also dug the foundation for a soup kitchen and a new church building (I stood in their current church building yesterday while it rained, and it was awful… there were about 3 benches where you could be sure to stay dry…) and they’ve built a chicken coop to produce their own eggs…

They don’t have the money to complete any of the big projects, but their thinking is that they’ll take the step of faith and prepare the foundation, trusting that God will provide in His time!  

They don’t just believe that nothing is impossible with God, they live it every day!

They are such a beautiful picture of the church… They love their members and they take care of them, but they also love their community and are taking the steps to be able to minister to a community that is hungry, sick and struggling.

I’m so sad that we just have one more day there…  I can’t believe that once again, this trip is coming to a close…  it’s just not long enough.  It was so hard to say good bye last year, I can’t even imagine what this year will be like…