New Blog!!

I've decided to start a new blog...  I've blogged here for about 4 years now and I had a pretty specific purpose when I started this blog.  I was a new adoptive mom and I wanted, maybe really needed, a place to tell our stories... I guess it was my way of processing.

But the cool thing about this process of adoption and attachment is that I no longer think of myself as an 'adoptive mom,' I'm just mom!  And as the kids are getting older it somehow seems like I should let them tell their own stories, if they choose.

Of course I'll NEVER stop being mom (thank goodness), but as the kids get older, I have more time to focus on other passions of my heart, like my Designing For Hope jewelry business and Swaziland.

I don't know what that will look like over time, but it just seems appropriate to start a new blog to chronicle a new journey.  I admit, I'm kind of sad at the thought of not posting to this blog again (weird the things I get attached to) but I know in my heart that this is the right thing.  If you'd like to keep following, you can find me at

Designing For Hope

And in case you're wondering, it won't be a blog that's all about promoting my business!  In fact, that's just a small part of it, but I want it to be a blog that's about hope!  Life is full of hope...  If you think about it, it's what moves us from one moment to the next, so I want to write about the things that give me hope...things that make me smile...things that make me want to get up and do a happy dance!

So thank you for being my 'cyber' friend these last few years...  I hope you'll join me on the next part of this journey! Many blessings to you!!

Africa: Gratitude

I love what Africa does to my heart...  I'm finally learning not to take so much for granted...

Last night I hugged Mackenzie good night…  she jumped back in pain and tears came to her eyes…  she was in terrible pain from her ear, it was radiating down into her jaw, but she had been trying to wait and see if it got better…  I looked at the clock and realized there was still time to take her to Urgent Care…  (In Swaziland, a mother in a similar circumstance, in a rural area, like the one I go to each year, would have had to wait till morning…most likely with nothing to help relieve her child’s pain…or her own concern about why the pain was so bad)

I got my keys to my car…  I knew I had plenty of gas, I had just used a wonderful plastic card yesterday afternoon to stop at a pump to fill it full, I didn’t even have to think about how I would get to the Urgent Care… It was a little warm outside, so I turned on the air conditioning to be sure Mackenzie was comfortable for the short 5 mile ride to Urgent Care… (In Swaziland, the mom would have to figure out a way to get to the clinic…  The  5 mile ride would most likely be a 5 mile walk (one way) for her and her sick child…  In the area we serve in, not only would there be the walk, but the fear of walking the road through the sugar cane field where dangerous men sometimes hide…  If she knew the kind pastor who could give her a ride, there would be no guarantee that he had petrol (gas) to fill his truck to take her)…

We went into a nice clean clinic, we were seen quickly by the doctor…  Sure enough, red, swollen, infected enough to have bubbles of pus…  No wonder her ear hurt so badly…  Again, I used a great little plastic card to pay and left relieved that my daughter would soon have some relief! 

We went across the parking lot to the 24 hour pharmacy and waited inside while the doctor emailed the prescription.  While we waited the oh so long (sarcasm) 15 minutes…  We distracted ourselves with looking at shades of tinted chapstick and we giggled at fun colors of polish for our toenails…  (What little I know about medical clinics in Swaziland, the mom might have waited a good portion of a day to be seen…  I have no idea if there would have been medicine, I assume so, but I know there’s no 24 hour pharmacy with chap stick and nail polish!) 

Mackenzie just got up and her ear still hurts really bad, but I know that with a few more doses of medicine, she’ll feel better soon.  What about the child whose mother can’t get him to the medical clinic?  Where does his relief come from?  What happens to his ear?)

I’ve thought before about the privilege of living in the US, but what hit me last night are all the little things I take so for granted…  Urgent Care, gas in my car, air conditioning, 24 hour pharmacies where you can giggle while you wait…  Safety getting to the clinic…  Easy access to medications for most of whatever ails us…  I could go on and on…  There is SO much we have to be thankful for in this country…  I think when I feel like complaining about anything…  I’m going to look for a blessing instead, something that I normally would take for granted…  I’m certain I won’t have to look very far!

Africa: Simple Math!

 (Add some maize flour, sugar beans and 18 bags of frozen chicken and you have the ingredients to feed 600+ people!!)

(Before I write anything, I want to promise you… I am not on a guilt trip and I am NOT trying to send anyone else on one either.  If I could talk to you face to face, what you would find is a broken heart…  Not judgment, self-righteousness or self-condemnation.  But here’s the thing…  Hebrews 4:12 says that “The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”  Sometimes, I just have to let the Word of God do its work in my heart…  Even if it hurts…  So here goes!)

This morning I was reading Psalm 72…  I’m sorry to say that I wasn’t familiar with Psalm 72…  WOW, how have I missed this one?

Some believe that King Solomon wrote this Psalm, others believe that it was King David’s prayer for his son, Solomon…  But ultimately, it is a look at what a kingdom would look like ruled by a righteous and just king…  And only Jesus fully fits that description.

As I hung out with the Psalm a while, it struck me that a repeated characterization of a kingdom ruled by a righteous king is characterized by care for the poor and needy…

Well, Jesus made it clear when He came that He was ushering in that kingdom…  It is a kingdom that begins in the heart of a Christian, who claims Jesus as their King, and it is our calling to make that kingdom visible in the world…

And here’s something that really struck me, vs. 15 says, “Long may he live; may gold of Sheba be given to him!”  Charles Spurgeon writes, “How gladly would we give him all that we have and are, and count the tribute far too small.”  The gold that we give to our King are the blessings He’s entrusted to us!

So how are we doing (as the church)?  Even harder to ask, how am I doing?

All I have to do is sit in my chair and look around and I can tell you, I’m not doing so well.  I see waste and extravagance everywhere I look…  I don’t even want to think about what I can’t see from where I sit…our pantry…our closet…there’s not a place in this house to escape it!

Using Heart For Africa’s Gift Catalog (www.heartforafrica.org) and Samaritan’s Purse Catalog (www.samaritanspurse.org) I decided to walk around our house and do some simple math…  I’m only using extras…  things we don’t use…  I don’t think it’s wrong to enjoy God’s blessings… What is breaking my heart though is how I’ve wasted God’s blessings on extravagance…  THAT’S what HAS to change in my life…  So let’s go for a walk…

$350 for 2 of 4 lamps that are rarely used would provide care for an orphan for 10 months (at $35/month)

$100 for my running/walking shoes that are RARELY used for their intended purpose would buy 2 bags of maize flour, feeding 500 people!

2 of 5 Gap black t-shirts at $12 each…  (A Gap black t-shirt is my uniform, I wear one most days but I have a washing machine for crying out loud!)  Those 2 extra t-shirts would buy 4 blankets for a child who is cold.  (I don’t even want to think about how much has been wasted on clothes in general…  There are only so many days in a week…)

The $48.95 sandals that I just HAD to have for a party…  10 weeks worth of milk for a child…  OUCH

There's SO many 'little' things I could list...  Too many lipsticks...  Nail polishes...  Eye shadows...  Hair products...  Brushes...  If I start opening drawers there is $3 - $5 - $10 wasted all around me...  And as you can see from the photo above...  A 'little' goes a LONG way in some countries!

And then here’s one that really hurts…  The community I love so much desperately needs a well…  the $10,000 it cost to increase the size of our family room and second floor playroom (a room to play in...  REALLY?!  That just sounds SO absurd to me right now).  That would have built that well, or an entire house for a family...  Add $5,000 to it and it would have built a classroom, a soup kitchen to feed hungry children…  Now I’m a little sick to my stomach.  Do I love our family room?  Yes…  Was it wrong to do it?  Honestly, right at this moment, I don’t know how to answer that...  I want to say no, but is that really the right answer?  Do we need all that extra space?  Nope!  Could we have had better reflected God’s kingdom by making a different decision?  ABSOLUTELY… 

And isn’t that REALLY what it comes down to?  As a Christian, it’s all about how I reflect the kingdom of heaven!  If someone who knew nothing about God, walked into my house today, they might think that God’s kingdom is all about stuff…  indulgence…  extravagance …waste… 

And that is a POOR reflection of my King whom I love!  HE’S all about caring for the poor and needy…  Redemption and restoration…

Let me leave you with this…  If I say I have a heart for others to know Jesus,  this Psalm tells me how!

Vs 11 says this… “May all kings fall down before him, all nations serve him!”  And vs. 12-14 tell us how that happens…  “For he delivers the needy when he calls, the poor, and him who has no helper.  He has pity on the weak and the needy, and saves the lives of the needy.  From oppression and violence he redeems their life, and precious is their blood in his sight.”

If I really want to make Jesus known to the nations (the US included) I need to put some serious feet on my faith…  My life needs to better reflect the reality of the kingdom of God, including in my home and in my buying decisions…  To borrow from Josh Wilson, “Something’s gotta change!”

“Blessed be His glorious name forever, may the whole earth be filled with His glory!  Amen and Amen!”  (vs. 19) 

Africa: The Power of Praise

(I usually like to keep my posts shorter, but this one needed to be a little longer to be able to tell the story…)

So for a while, I’ve been reading through the Psalms…  It’s taken me a while because sadly, I am not the most consistent person in the world, but I love how by God’s grace, when I find my way back to where I left off, it’s always EXACTLY what I need to be reading!

Over the last two days, I’ve read Psalms 68 & 69, and the thing that has struck me is the consistent message to praise…  In the face of enemies, trials, struggles, suffering…  Praise Him!!

In Psalm 69, David is lamenting about his enemies and in verses 30-31 he writes, “I will praise the name of God with song.  I will magnify Him with thanksgiving.  This will please the LORD more than an ox or a bull with horns and hoofs.”

Why does God desire our praise more than our sacrifices?  I am CERTAIN that He doesn’t need them to affirm who He is…  He is perfectly humble, so it’s not rooted in pride…  There must be something about praise that is best for His children!

The thing that hits me over and over in Scripture, a principle if you will, is that praise seems to call the presence and power of God…  My favorite story related to this is in 2 Chronicles 20 when King Jehoshaphat puts the singing men in front of the army to lead Israel into battle and they routed the enemy!  But it’s in other places too…

Praise calls us to remember who God is and in the face of trials, it helps us remember that our God is WAY bigger than our circumstances…  Ultimately, praise chases away worry and fear and fixes our eyes on God…  the only ONE with whom NOTHING is impossible!!

On Sunday morning, as we set off to distribute TOMS shoes, we learned that we were missing 105 pairs of the smallest sizes of shoes.  It wasn’t anyone’s fault.  It’s just that there was really no way anyone could have guessed how many children would show up to receive shoes…  Across 11 churches, there were about 6000 children who came.  It was the first time Heart For Africa had done this shoe distribution, so there was no way to know what sizes would be needed…  Sadly, there are FAR more younger children than anyone ever imagined.

So I was worried…  a little sick to my stomach…  As the team leader, I needed to put on a brave face, but I wasn’t feeling very brave.  How would we tell 500 children they could have their shoes, but 100+ they couldn’t?  How would we explain this to our sweet pastor who trusted us to do what we said we would do when he invited his entire community?  This had the potential to be a very bad situation…  I wasn’t fearful from a physical standpoint, I was heartbroken over how once again, people who had been let down so many times, might view this as more of the same old same ol’…

So as I got into the van, the story of when Lazarus died came to mind (John 11)…  Jesus delayed so that God might be glorified…  God often is most visible and glorified through hard times!  I was reminded of 2 Chronicles 20, that I just mentioned…  So I asked M., the incredible young man with the guitar to lead us in a time of praise, after he gave his devotion.

For 30-45 minutes he played and led us in praise…  Worry, fear, anxiety disappeared…  In its place a certainty that God was going to do great things!

And that’s exactly what happened!  We watched as God ‘loafed and fished’ shoes…  We didn’t turn away a single child!  One young girl came to me because her shoes were too tight…  It was the end of the day, we had given away almost all we had so we didn’t have her size, and we had gone one size smaller…  I started frantically pulling shoes out of boxes, heartbroken that I would have to send her away…  But then someone put a pair of shoes in my hand, and they fit her perfectly!  I don’t know where they came from…  We had already searched all the boxes for her size…  But there they were!!  Oh happy Day!

I watched as the teenagers in our group had their faith increased… experiencing similar stories…  shoes that should have never have fit…  FIT!!  Who but God!

For the younger children, who had had no shoes for, we were able to give them clothes!  On all my trips, we have never had so many smaller clothing sizes…  But between the dresses that Dress A Girl Around the World sent with me and the clothes that the students had brought, no one went away empty handed!  No one was upset…  there was a sweet, sweet spirit all day…  

And one other sweet blessing came out of our situation…  I’ve learned over the years that what a friend of mine says is true…  “People are like toothpaste tubes, you don’t really know what’s in the tube until it gets squeezed!”  And we put our pastor in a potentially really BAD situation.  He trusted us and invited all of the community…  It was his name and reputation on the line, as much as TOMS and Heart For Africa and Pastor was amazing!  He was wasn’t angry with us, he was just heartbroken for the children.  God used this situation to give us a sweet glimpse of pastor’s heart and how much he loves those children! 

We could have walked into that situation wringing our hands in fear and worry…  But with praise, we were reminded that God is WAY bigger than the circumstances…  I don’t understand how it works, I only know that it does…  There really is power in praise!

Africa: Home... Kind Of!

I didn't mean to drop off the map and not post about our last day in the community, but as I typed the other night, I kept falling asleep...  I was SO tired!

We worked so hard that last day...  We put shoes on SO many feet!  What a blessing!!  Every one of them had a hot meal and we worshiped!!  It was an amazing day...

But my experience this time was profound...  I need time to process it...  I'll keep writing about it...  I still want to post photos...  But it may take me a few days.  A part of me wants to run from my experience...

What do you do with the reality of 600+ children in a small rural area who are hungry and thirsty?  What do I do with the fact that no matter how many gardens we plant with them, they don't have water to make them grow in a drought?

Where in my heart and mind do I reconcile that some children walked 15+ miles for a pair of shoes?  Some of them on a road that is surrounded by sugar cane on either side...  Criminals will hide there and I can't even imagine the horrors they inflict...  Pastor just said they do evil things...  I would imagine that's an understatement...  He smiled when I said I just wished the black mambas would get the bad guys!

But seriously, what do I do with the reality of that?  Would you walk 15+ miles, and risk your life, for a pair of shoes and a hot meal?  What do I do with that kind of desperation?
 
We are home...  but a piece of my heart is still in Swaziland...  So if home is where the heart is, I guess I'm just home, kind of...  

Africa: 569

I want to start by saying, Mackenzie was so incredible today!  It was so fun to watch her with the children…  She played, danced, sang with them and let them braid her hair.  I loved watching her sit and talk to them, she slipped into it so easily.  There is no doubt she made some children feel very special and loved today.  (I'll have to wait until I get home to post pictures because the internet is pretty slow here.)

So today was a hard day… 

Today 569 children came to be fitted for TOMS shoes… Today I saw 569 children who have only one, or no parents…  Today I saw 569 children who are hungry…  Thirsty…  Need lip balm because they are in the middle of one of the worst droughts in 10 years and their lips are parched…  They desperately need new clothes and new shoes…  Today I saw 569 of whom I’m sure Jesus was talking about when He said the ‘least of these…’  Not because they are less in His eyes, but because the world treats them as less.

Today I saw 569 children who are starving not only for food, but also attention…  Some of them are caring for younger siblings because their parents have died…  But who looks after them?

Today a little girl literally fought off other children trying to hold my hand…  She didn’t push or fight for her chance for shoes, but she sure did for a touch.  I had my hand on her back for a few minutes and put it down, she turned around, picked up my hand and put it back.

Today I met a young woman with Downs Syndrome.  I’ve never seen anyone with Downs in Africa, but in her face, I saw the face of Jesus.

She stood off to the side of the rest of the children…  She was always nearby, but she never pushed her way in…  She waited to be invited to do anything…  The least little bit of attention would bring a grin that lit up her face… 

At the end of the day, we were blessed with an hour to just hang out with the children…  A few of us sat down on the ground and played with them.  I noticed she sat down just a little behind me, so I scooted back to sit next to her…  she dropped her eyes and smiled.  Every once in a while, I would pat her on her back…  she would drop her eyes and smile.  I helped her shoo the flies away…  she dropped her head and smiled…  I asked her if I could have a picture with her…  she dropped her head and smiled. We couldn't communicate with each other using words, but I guess sometimes all love needs is a touch.

Today, somehow Jesus got me out of His way and used me to love a young woman…  It was an incredible privilege and blessing…  I will never forget her face, because I’m convinced that today, I saw the face of Jesus…  Not just once though…  569 times!

Africa: Humbled

There’s so much I could tell you about today, but to add too many details would cloud one experience that will highlight this trip for me…

Today was our first day back out at our church communities...Our project for today was to plant fruit trees and seedlings in their garden…  They always come out to help us so we finished pretty quickly.  Since we had so much extra time, I decided that for the third year running I would ask Pastor to take us into the community to get a better understanding of what it’s like.  I’ve asked him each year, but he has been very reluctant.  I guess it just took some time to build some trust.

While we were out, he asked if we could stop and pray for a man in his church who had recently lost his wife.  Of course…  We all piled out of the van and as we walked towards the homestead, I noticed an older gentleman out under the tree.  There were grass mats on the ground and pastor started to have us sit down, but the man asked if we would bless him by coming into his house. l

So let me give you a little context...  In Swaziland, it is considered bad luck when your spouse dies.  In fact, in the rural areas the people almost shun the person who has lost their spouse.

So back to my story…  his grandchildren laid out grass mats for us to sit on.  It was a very humble home…  Concrete block walls, a couple of plastic chairs, maybe 3, and just some basic tools to survive.

After a word from Pastor, he invited the gentleman to say a few words…  I was humbled to the core at what he said… “Now I feel like a human being because you have blessed me by coming into my house.”

God used our simple little visit to help restore his dignity…  Stunning!  We just have no idea how God can use the smallest things!

But then, I was completely overwhelmed…  Pastor asked us if we would gather around the gentleman, lay hands on him and pray a blessing for him.  And the gentleman took off his sandals!  In Exodus 3, when Moses was before the burning bush, God instructed Moses to take off his sandals because he was on holy ground.  When we finished praying, the gentleman put them back on.  His simple, subtle gesture gave a glimpse into his heart…  He felt like he was on holy ground!

I am awed by how the simplest things mean so much to the people here…  Sometimes I struggle with feeling like what I do where is woefully inadequate.  I often wonder, wouldn’t it just be better to take the money it cost to come here and just give it to them.  But it’s coming home to me over and over on this trip that someone showing up is as important for their spirit as water and food is to their bodies.

I have a lot more to tell about today, but I’ll probably save it for when we get home.  Tomorrow is measuring for TOM’S shoes…  Pastor says there could be as many as 500 children!  Can’t wait to see what tomorrow holds!