Might Need Some Steel Toed Boots...

So I realize that I'm probably about to step on some toes, thus the warning in my title.  But there is something on my heart and my husband, after I talked to him about it, said, "Now there's a blog you need to write."

So here goes...  I was raised in church.  There were some wonderful people at our church (and especially in my family) who exemplified the love and acceptance of Jesus through and through.  If I could find Lloyd Parrish, I owe him a huge debt of gratitude because he was one of those people.  But for some reason, even with some amazing people in my life, I came away from those early church years, terrified of God.

In my mind, He was a BIG, ANGRY God who carried a really big stick and beat you up for every little wrong doing.  So when I committed what I defined as a really BIG sin, I walked away from the church because I was convinced that if He was that angry over the small stuff, He would NEVER forgive the BIG stuff.

I will never forget, years later, how shocked I was to read Romans 2:4, that it is God's kindness that is meant to lead us to repentance.  Seriously, not judgment and condemnation?  I was utterly stunned to learn that faith, specifically the Christian faith, is about a relationship, not a set a rules!  The God of the Universe wants to have a relationship with me!!  And He paid the highest price imaginable by anyone to have that relationship, His very own Son.

Somehow, in all those years of church I missed it.  Again, I'm not blaming anyone, but it makes me stop and take a serious look at some of what I see coming out of the Church in today's society.  Now let me say, not every one is this way...  For all I know, it may only be a very small percentage of the church that ruins the fragrance of Christ, but the fact is, it only takes one bad apple to spoil a bunch and sadly, the clanging symbols are getting far more notice than the ones who are like Mr. Parrish. 

And I've been thinking about this alot in the context of my children...  What are my children learning from me and the people we surround them with, about God?

Sadly, I know what it's like to wallow in sin...  I was the prodigal daughter...  the details don't matter, but I made some terribly wrong choices for a period of time.  And I had a lot...  A LOT...  of shame and guilt to unravel after I became a Christian.

I can remember sitting on our porch in the early days of my blossoming relationship with my Heavenly Father, reading my Bible and weeping.  I would read verse after verse about His love and forgiveness...  His unfathomable grace...  I would be utterly overwhelmed that in spite of it all, He loved me.

During those early days, He immersed me in the truth of His love and I experienced the reality of Isaiah 61:1-3...  How He could turn mourning into joy, bring beauty from the ashes, give a crown of beauty instead of despair.  He surrounded me with the often 'unnoticed' side of the church, the ones who welcome you in and love you, just because.  It wasn't easy to unravel the effects of some of the paths I chose, but in His great mercy, God worked restoration in my soul.  Yes, some times there is sadness...  moments of regret...  memories that I wish I could wipe off the screen of my mind...  But I know where to run in those moments...

But do you know what has been harder to unravel than the effects of those wretched choices I made?

Lace up your boots...

It was the wrong view of God that I had...  Again, I'm not blaming anyone...  For whatever reason, more of the yuck stuck than the overwhelming amounts of good that was poured into my life...  But wow, has it been a journey of unraveling the tendrils of wrong thinking.

What you believe about God impacts how you live...  It affects your joy, your freedom, your love, your generosity, your compassion, your grace for others...  Even if you say you don't believe in God, that impacts how you live...  With a wrong view of who God is, you will never live the abundant life that Jesus gave His very own life for!  Eternal life...  joy...  peace...  satisfaction...  love...  compassion...  grace...  those aren't characteristics of a life we're waiting for someday...  It's what is promised to us right now...  But I'll say it again...  What we believe about God directly impacts what we experience of that life!

If you think that God is all about performance, then you'll spend your life worried and anxious if you're doing enough...  And you'll measure everyone else's performance...  If you think He's all about the rules, you'll never know relationship with Him...  You'll build almost impenetrable walls around your heart...  If you think His justice is greater than His grace, when you make wrong choices, forgiveness will be hard to grasp...  And what you can't receive for yourself...  You'll find impossible to offer to others...  I speak with the authority of experience...

I'll say it simply...  healing from the pit of sin I wallowed in was easier than unraveling my wrong thinking about God.  I think I would rather risk the bad influence of a friend on my children, than the bad influence of a legalist who wrongly represents the truth of who God is...  Shocking?  Don't get me wrong, neither are remotely good...  And I don't think God is soft on sin and I don't think Jesus was soft on sin during His time on earth...  But His harshest words were reserved for the religious people who had the greatest potential to misrepresent the image of God...

Parents...  teachers...  Sunday School teachers...  pastors...  youth leaders...  grandparents...  family members...  friends...  if you call yourself a Christian, what we say and do matters in all of those roles...  Maybe it's time to stop and ask ourselves, what wrong view of God is someone going to have to unravel, because of their experience with me?

God's KINDNESS leads to repentance...  Jesus did not come into this world to condemn the world, but to save the world...  Jesus invites us to bring Him our mess...  He's not afraid to put His hands in the muck of people's lives and just love them and serve them...  And not surprisingly, repentance always seemed to follow His acts of kindness in the gospels  (except of course, from the religious people)  I wonder...  is that what the world knows of Jesus from how we live our lives today?  Do we welcome people and their messes or send them running for cover?

Please, please let's consider if we are rightly representing THE ONE who loves us so well during this glorious Christmas season!

A Sign That Made Me Sad...

On my way home today, I drove past a billboard in front of a small church that said, "Stop Abortion...  Cast Your Vote For Life."

And I was profoundly sad...  don't get me wrong, I am Pro-Life...  and not just for the unborn child, but for the mother too.  If you've never read the statistics, if you've never heard of Post Abortion Stress Syndrome, google it and do some reading...  Abortion doesn't just take the life of an unborn child, it takes the life (emotionally and spiritually) of the mother too.  So I am definitely against abortion.

But sometimes the church sounds so angry...  It rails against abortion, homosexuality...  Ok, I'm stuck, I'm sure there are other things...  but what really seems to stir up trouble are those two topics...  Not gossip...  or adultery...  or addictions... or greed...  or materialism...  or pornography... or, or, or...  They're kind of the two pet issues of the traditionally conservative church (I can say that because I consider myself a part of the traditionally conservative church)...  I just don't like the way we behave sometimes...  ALOT of times...

When I read the gospels, Jesus didn't rail at the same people as we (the church) does today...  He railed at the religious people (Don't believe me? Just read Matthew 23, starting around verse 23...  He called them hypocrites...  blind guides...  hypocrites again...  and again...  whitewashed tombs...  and hypocrites still again.) 

And what did He do for everyone else?  He healed them...  He fed them...  He had compassion on them...  He wept over them...  He forgave them... He loved them...  He gave His very life for them!  In essence, He earned the right to speak into their lives.

Something that a lot of years of parenting finally taught me, you can't change a person's behavior with anger...  by yelling at them... by putting them down...  by bullying them...  And rules without relationship is like a clanging symbol....  it does nothing but annoy...  breed resentment...  foster rebellion...  ultimately it stirs up disdain and hatred.

 Scott and I went with some friends to see Second City, the comedy group.  Not a great experience by any stretch of the imagination...  wouldn't recommend it...  but since we were there, I decided to see what I could learn from it, about the way the world views Christians...  Not a pretty picture!

Now you might be thinking...  Sharla, what would you expect?  And I realize that it's not all us...  But we have to step up and take responsibility for some of it...  Because too often we are trying to force 'rules' on people without loving them and building relationships with them.

Jesus said to the Pharisees (the religious people), "You tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law:  justice and mercy and faithfulness."  (Matthew 23:23)  I wonder if Jesus would have the same words to say to us...  Probably so!

How do we change this culture...  Not by pictures of dead fetuses on signs outside of high schools or on the side of panel trucks or maybe even words on billboards outside of churches.  We change it by loving our neighbor... by friending our children's friends so when they get in trouble, maybe we'll be a safe place for them to come.

My friend Janine who (with her husband) runs Heart For Africa in Swaziland set a beautiful example of how to stop abortion...  A young woman was violently raped at knife point and she became pregnant.  In our country, even if abortion was illegal, some would say it's ok in that circumstance.  I probably would have too, until Janine taught me something different.

She came alongside this woman...  She loved her...  She didn't preach to her about the sin of abortion or murdering a new born...  She offered her an option... She became friends with her...  She walked a hard path with her... she was there for the birth of the child...  She took the baby in...  That's the kind of love that will change a nation...  Not screaming and yelling and hating people who don't agree with our pet issues.  (Yes, I'm preaching to myself too!)

Janine gave that precious girl an option...  Just curious...  How pro-life are you, really?  It's easy to sit on the sidelines and yell at people...  But would you step in and do what Janine did...  any part of it...  would you walk along side her...  help her financially...  be there at any time to go through the birth with her?  Are we as committed to changing a nation as we say we are?  We've tried signs, yelling, self-righteousness, etc for a really long time and the problems are only getting worse...  Maybe it's time to try something different!

Had to Share a Link (With a Few of My Own Thoughts)

I'm going to share a link this morning to a post that will break your heart and fill you with hope at the same time...  But before I do, I want to share a thought...

It is such a touching story.  I love how it demonstrates that God is watching and He cares.  I have to acknowledge though, that I have no doubt some will read her blog and use it as an excuse to bash God...  I can just imagine thoughts like, "Well, if He were such a good God, then why did He allow the girl to be raped in the first place?"  Or "Why did He allow her to become pregnant?"

But before you even go there, let me remind you of something...  Man (and woman) made their choice to live their own way thousands of years ago.  They wanted control...  they thought they new better...  they wanted choices...  So God gave it to them and along with that supposed freedom and choice, we got consequences too!


And my guess is, every single one of us would have made the same choice...  Know how I know?  Because we do it every single day!  We choose our way over God's way...  We think we know better and we have this crazy notion that God is holding something back from us (maybe because too often people make 'religion' more about rules than relationship...  but that's a rabbit trail).


And that's where the mess starts...  when we try and do things our own way!  So let me offer you a different perspective on Janine's blog...  It shows how God can take man's messes and REDEEM them!!  Yes, He allows evil because WE CHOSE it...  He doesn't have to do anything...  But He does!  He sends men and women (like Janine and her family and all of the amazing staff of Project Canaan) right into the depths of our stuff and uses them to work His redemption and restoration!!

I pray that when you read Janine's blog... Hope is what you'll leave with...  and if you shed a few tears for the mother and her pain, or the nation of Swaziland and their pain, that's good too because that's just reflecting the heart of God who weeps at the consequences of our choices!

Live from Swaziland...  It's Saturday Morning

I Wish...

(Author's note...  If you're one of the 9 who caught my tirade in the wee hours of the morning, this first paragraph is the same, but all of the rest is different!)  So I'm a woman...  it's my prerogative to change my mind and I've decided I'm not going to desert my personal blog after all!!  Here's the thing, my heart has been overflowing lately with things I want to write about, but a business blog just doesn't seem to be the right fit for them.  So I've just done nothing...  blogger's block...And as a result, I've decided that from time to time I still want to write here (I'll probably change the look soon) because I still want a place to just say what's on my heart.  My business blog will just have to be for fun stuff, like colors, fashion, quotes, etc., that I'll eventually get to!

I wrote an entirely different post in the wee hours of the morning, but when I woke up, I realized I didn't sound any different than the people I was frustrated with, so I thought I should say it in a different way...  That it might be better to express my feelings as a wish...

I have a friend (a very wise friend) who made the point a while back that Facebook really isn't the place for political comments because there's no way to have a dialogue about it.   I liked her comparison to the street corner evangelist who shouts at you, but you really can't shout back.

But as the political season has worn on, I've found it harder and harder to keep all of my thoughts to myself!  There are just some things I'm intensely passionate about, I guess you might say they're my  "non-negotiables" and when a line gets crossed sometimes, I speak up.

So here's what I wish...

I wish there were a Facebook kind of place where it was safe to open a dialogue about something.  It could be religion, politics, things happening in the world, the news or just something that's been on your mind that you'd love to toss around in discussion for a bit.  I would want it to be a place where you could do this among friends, I'm not really interested in open forums where people swear at you or call you ugly names...  It would be a place where we take the time to really be friends and get to know and understand each other.  I have many friends on Facebook that I wish I could spend more time with, but we're limited by distance and/or time.

Maybe you're thinking, start a small group or something, but I enjoy the variety of friends I have on Facebook...  I want to know and understand different views and opinions, not just the ones that are similar to mine... 

I wish there were a place where I could be passionate about the things that are important to me and not have people just assume that I'm not trusting God...  or that I'm just holding to some line of ultra conservative values...  I read a blog last night that I would have to say in general, I agree with...  but I felt like there were some huge judgments made about people on both sides of the aisle, that are passionate about their beliefs.  Passion about a topic is not synonymous with lack of faith...

I wish there were a place where, before judgments are made, we would have to take the time to know the story behind the passion...  A place where if someone starts out emotional or passionate about a topic we wouldn't hide them or snap back at them (I'm guilty of all of these things) but we would take the time to acknowledge their thoughts...  It might go something like this...  "Hey, this is obviously really important to you, would you tell me more?"

Sadly we live in a world of 'sound bites' and we think we know people, and more importantly, we think we know their hearts, because of a few words...  Maybe it's time to open a real dialogue where we listen to each other...  And I mean really listen...  No assumptions...  no agendas...  A place where it is safe to express views and explore the things that puzzle us...  A place where it's acceptable to challenge beliefs with respect and grace...  A place where we don't have to feel defensive or that we'll offend because we say what's on our hearts...  A place where we agree to assume the best about others instead of arrogantly assuming we know others based on a few words...

I guess this place will never exist... But I can wish!

New Blog!!

I've decided to start a new blog...  I've blogged here for about 4 years now and I had a pretty specific purpose when I started this blog.  I was a new adoptive mom and I wanted, maybe really needed, a place to tell our stories... I guess it was my way of processing.

But the cool thing about this process of adoption and attachment is that I no longer think of myself as an 'adoptive mom,' I'm just mom!  And as the kids are getting older it somehow seems like I should let them tell their own stories, if they choose.

Of course I'll NEVER stop being mom (thank goodness), but as the kids get older, I have more time to focus on other passions of my heart, like my Designing For Hope jewelry business and Swaziland.

I don't know what that will look like over time, but it just seems appropriate to start a new blog to chronicle a new journey.  I admit, I'm kind of sad at the thought of not posting to this blog again (weird the things I get attached to) but I know in my heart that this is the right thing.  If you'd like to keep following, you can find me at

Designing For Hope

And in case you're wondering, it won't be a blog that's all about promoting my business!  In fact, that's just a small part of it, but I want it to be a blog that's about hope!  Life is full of hope...  If you think about it, it's what moves us from one moment to the next, so I want to write about the things that give me hope...things that make me smile...things that make me want to get up and do a happy dance!

So thank you for being my 'cyber' friend these last few years...  I hope you'll join me on the next part of this journey! Many blessings to you!!

Africa: Gratitude

I love what Africa does to my heart...  I'm finally learning not to take so much for granted...

Last night I hugged Mackenzie good night…  she jumped back in pain and tears came to her eyes…  she was in terrible pain from her ear, it was radiating down into her jaw, but she had been trying to wait and see if it got better…  I looked at the clock and realized there was still time to take her to Urgent Care…  (In Swaziland, a mother in a similar circumstance, in a rural area, like the one I go to each year, would have had to wait till morning…most likely with nothing to help relieve her child’s pain…or her own concern about why the pain was so bad)

I got my keys to my car…  I knew I had plenty of gas, I had just used a wonderful plastic card yesterday afternoon to stop at a pump to fill it full, I didn’t even have to think about how I would get to the Urgent Care… It was a little warm outside, so I turned on the air conditioning to be sure Mackenzie was comfortable for the short 5 mile ride to Urgent Care… (In Swaziland, the mom would have to figure out a way to get to the clinic…  The  5 mile ride would most likely be a 5 mile walk (one way) for her and her sick child…  In the area we serve in, not only would there be the walk, but the fear of walking the road through the sugar cane field where dangerous men sometimes hide…  If she knew the kind pastor who could give her a ride, there would be no guarantee that he had petrol (gas) to fill his truck to take her)…

We went into a nice clean clinic, we were seen quickly by the doctor…  Sure enough, red, swollen, infected enough to have bubbles of pus…  No wonder her ear hurt so badly…  Again, I used a great little plastic card to pay and left relieved that my daughter would soon have some relief! 

We went across the parking lot to the 24 hour pharmacy and waited inside while the doctor emailed the prescription.  While we waited the oh so long (sarcasm) 15 minutes…  We distracted ourselves with looking at shades of tinted chapstick and we giggled at fun colors of polish for our toenails…  (What little I know about medical clinics in Swaziland, the mom might have waited a good portion of a day to be seen…  I have no idea if there would have been medicine, I assume so, but I know there’s no 24 hour pharmacy with chap stick and nail polish!) 

Mackenzie just got up and her ear still hurts really bad, but I know that with a few more doses of medicine, she’ll feel better soon.  What about the child whose mother can’t get him to the medical clinic?  Where does his relief come from?  What happens to his ear?)

I’ve thought before about the privilege of living in the US, but what hit me last night are all the little things I take so for granted…  Urgent Care, gas in my car, air conditioning, 24 hour pharmacies where you can giggle while you wait…  Safety getting to the clinic…  Easy access to medications for most of whatever ails us…  I could go on and on…  There is SO much we have to be thankful for in this country…  I think when I feel like complaining about anything…  I’m going to look for a blessing instead, something that I normally would take for granted…  I’m certain I won’t have to look very far!

Africa: Simple Math!

 (Add some maize flour, sugar beans and 18 bags of frozen chicken and you have the ingredients to feed 600+ people!!)

(Before I write anything, I want to promise you… I am not on a guilt trip and I am NOT trying to send anyone else on one either.  If I could talk to you face to face, what you would find is a broken heart…  Not judgment, self-righteousness or self-condemnation.  But here’s the thing…  Hebrews 4:12 says that “The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”  Sometimes, I just have to let the Word of God do its work in my heart…  Even if it hurts…  So here goes!)

This morning I was reading Psalm 72…  I’m sorry to say that I wasn’t familiar with Psalm 72…  WOW, how have I missed this one?

Some believe that King Solomon wrote this Psalm, others believe that it was King David’s prayer for his son, Solomon…  But ultimately, it is a look at what a kingdom would look like ruled by a righteous and just king…  And only Jesus fully fits that description.

As I hung out with the Psalm a while, it struck me that a repeated characterization of a kingdom ruled by a righteous king is characterized by care for the poor and needy…

Well, Jesus made it clear when He came that He was ushering in that kingdom…  It is a kingdom that begins in the heart of a Christian, who claims Jesus as their King, and it is our calling to make that kingdom visible in the world…

And here’s something that really struck me, vs. 15 says, “Long may he live; may gold of Sheba be given to him!”  Charles Spurgeon writes, “How gladly would we give him all that we have and are, and count the tribute far too small.”  The gold that we give to our King are the blessings He’s entrusted to us!

So how are we doing (as the church)?  Even harder to ask, how am I doing?

All I have to do is sit in my chair and look around and I can tell you, I’m not doing so well.  I see waste and extravagance everywhere I look…  I don’t even want to think about what I can’t see from where I sit…our pantry…our closet…there’s not a place in this house to escape it!

Using Heart For Africa’s Gift Catalog (www.heartforafrica.org) and Samaritan’s Purse Catalog (www.samaritanspurse.org) I decided to walk around our house and do some simple math…  I’m only using extras…  things we don’t use…  I don’t think it’s wrong to enjoy God’s blessings… What is breaking my heart though is how I’ve wasted God’s blessings on extravagance…  THAT’S what HAS to change in my life…  So let’s go for a walk…

$350 for 2 of 4 lamps that are rarely used would provide care for an orphan for 10 months (at $35/month)

$100 for my running/walking shoes that are RARELY used for their intended purpose would buy 2 bags of maize flour, feeding 500 people!

2 of 5 Gap black t-shirts at $12 each…  (A Gap black t-shirt is my uniform, I wear one most days but I have a washing machine for crying out loud!)  Those 2 extra t-shirts would buy 4 blankets for a child who is cold.  (I don’t even want to think about how much has been wasted on clothes in general…  There are only so many days in a week…)

The $48.95 sandals that I just HAD to have for a party…  10 weeks worth of milk for a child…  OUCH

There's SO many 'little' things I could list...  Too many lipsticks...  Nail polishes...  Eye shadows...  Hair products...  Brushes...  If I start opening drawers there is $3 - $5 - $10 wasted all around me...  And as you can see from the photo above...  A 'little' goes a LONG way in some countries!

And then here’s one that really hurts…  The community I love so much desperately needs a well…  the $10,000 it cost to increase the size of our family room and second floor playroom (a room to play in...  REALLY?!  That just sounds SO absurd to me right now).  That would have built that well, or an entire house for a family...  Add $5,000 to it and it would have built a classroom, a soup kitchen to feed hungry children…  Now I’m a little sick to my stomach.  Do I love our family room?  Yes…  Was it wrong to do it?  Honestly, right at this moment, I don’t know how to answer that...  I want to say no, but is that really the right answer?  Do we need all that extra space?  Nope!  Could we have had better reflected God’s kingdom by making a different decision?  ABSOLUTELY… 

And isn’t that REALLY what it comes down to?  As a Christian, it’s all about how I reflect the kingdom of heaven!  If someone who knew nothing about God, walked into my house today, they might think that God’s kingdom is all about stuff…  indulgence…  extravagance …waste… 

And that is a POOR reflection of my King whom I love!  HE’S all about caring for the poor and needy…  Redemption and restoration…

Let me leave you with this…  If I say I have a heart for others to know Jesus,  this Psalm tells me how!

Vs 11 says this… “May all kings fall down before him, all nations serve him!”  And vs. 12-14 tell us how that happens…  “For he delivers the needy when he calls, the poor, and him who has no helper.  He has pity on the weak and the needy, and saves the lives of the needy.  From oppression and violence he redeems their life, and precious is their blood in his sight.”

If I really want to make Jesus known to the nations (the US included) I need to put some serious feet on my faith…  My life needs to better reflect the reality of the kingdom of God, including in my home and in my buying decisions…  To borrow from Josh Wilson, “Something’s gotta change!”

“Blessed be His glorious name forever, may the whole earth be filled with His glory!  Amen and Amen!”  (vs. 19)