Sunday, November 7, 2010

I'm Just Not Ready!

In some ways, this post will seem completely absurd, but it's been building for a year or so and I'm just going to lay it out there...  I'm just not ready to think of Zack, our oldest, graduating from high school!

Tonight ended Zack's junior year soccer season and with it came the resounding reality that I only have one more high school soccer season left...  It leaves me wondering, will the next 18 months be measured by 'one mores' and then 'lasts?'

Somehow I think the answer to that question is a definite yes...  

I can't imagine what life will be like when he is not a daily part of it...  When he doesn't call me to ask me when I'm coming to the soccer game because somehow he's missed packing his game jersey?  Or, have I seen his shin guards because he can't find them!  (Oh yeah, sorry Zack, I borrowed them the other night and forgot to put them back... NOT)  Don't tell him, but I will miss all of this terribly!

I can't imagine a fall or spring without terrible refs...    Soccer games...  Impossible schedules...  Freezing cold and rain...  We've watched him play soccer since he was 4, it almost becomes a part of who you know yourself to be!

It is a gift to watch our children grown into adults and while I am thrilled that he is becoming the man we long for him to be, I'm just not ready!

I think the best use of my current (and slightly unreasonable heartache) is to remember to savor each moment!  I will never get back the days that lay ahead, I pray that I will savor each one with no regrets!


trina said...

I'm with ya. I am so with ya. My heart hurts to think how fast the next year will go by. Thankfully, the older two will go to college locally. We can't send Zachary to college at 16 years local college will work...and we get to keep them a little longer. :)

sierrasmom said...

I know exactly how you feel. For me it was David's last year of footballl.. the last of 3 boys playing the game I love(mostly love watching my boys play).The alst time I dee him leave on a Friday wearing his jersey. The last time I see him leading the team out on the field..etc. And then the unthinkable happened and they canceled his Senior year of football. He was to be the quaterback. But due to the fact that his coach was a_______(leave it up to your imagination) they couldn't get enough kids to play. was horrible. I missed all his lasts and Sierra never got to see her brother play. OK.. its over a year later and I am still not over it...either is David! So cherish the time as I know you will!! BTW my oldest played soccer and football his Senior year. He was the captain of the soccer soccer too!!!