Saturday, November 22, 2008

She Said It First!!!

4 months ago today (well, yesterday...I didn't get it posted before midnight), we met Abby for the very first time. There have been many times in the last 4 months when the barriers of her heart seemed as if I would never be able to penetrate them. More than once my heart has broken as she has rejected my love and affection.

But it has been a lesson in grace and unconditional love for me…I am learning to love as my Abba Father loves me. Something that is good for Abby, but for everyone else around me too…

With Abby, I have learned to persevere, even when I felt like giving up…I have learned to be the adult (novel idea for a 43 year old!), even when it didn’t feel good… Over and over I have had to set aside my hopes and dreams and meet her right where she is, instead of where I want her to be. And many times I have thought, “I wonder if this is how it is for my Heavenly Father?”

I know for certain He perseveres, when He has every right to give up… I know He loves me, even when the way I treat Him grieves Him… I know for a fact that more than once He’s met me right where I was instead of where I’m sure He wished I would be…

But yesterday brought one of those moments that makes it all worthwhile… I was talking to Mackenzie on the phone and Abby wanted to talk to me. We talked for a few minutes (actually, she talked, I just tried to figure out what she was saying and somehow respond with the right answer), but then I asked her to give the phone back to Mackenzie… And in that moment it happened…she said it first! I heard, “I love you mommy!” WOW…who knew it could be so wonderful?

Up until now, it was always a response to my “I love you” or because one of her siblings said it…but this time was different…no duty, no obligation… just a simple ‘I love you’ from the heart, because she wanted to… If my Heavenly Father’s heart sings the way mine did yesterday to hear those 3 precious words, I definitely need to tell Him more often…what utter joy!

Something is clearly changing with Abby… her relationship with all of us is getting easier and easier. She doesn’t guard her ‘space’ like she used to… she doesn’t mind when our arms touch…tonight, Scott and I were on the way to an adoption dinner, and she put her hand on my knee while she watched me change purses.

When it was time to go, she was preoccupied with her coloring and when I asked her for a hug, she told me “In a minute.” We were in a hurry, so after a couple of tries, Scott and I started moving toward the door and all of a sudden, Abby jumped up and came running… “Howg…Howg” (that’s how she says hug!).

I have learned, first hand, one of the most important lessons I may ever learn…no wall is too strong…too big…too impenetrable to withstand the constant flow of God’s amazing love when we allow it to pour out through our words and actions.

What a wonderful 4 months…and we’ve only just begun!

P.S. Several of you have asked about the soccer photos...in a day or so, I'll do a post on my camera and how I shoot them.

8 comments:

trina said...

Happy 4th month Abby! You are a beautiful little girl that is very special to our family. You have the most beautiful smile. Alaina misses you although you have only met one time. She talks about you often and hopes to see you soon. We love you, Abby!

Jeff said...

Happy 4 months! As you have expressed, the adoption of a child is a great way to better understand our adopted relationship to our Heavenly Father! I wish you many happy months and years to come.

April Isaacs said...

YEA!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was so fun to read!

Just this week, I finally realized why I get frustrated with Emme when she spits up her food. I thought I got mad because I work so hard to get the dumb food in her. Then, the other night, she had fallen asleep and I had taken her to her bed. After a series of events where I thought she was asleep... I finally left the room. She started crying so I came back in the room. She kept crying and so I picked her up. She wanted down so I put her back down. She cried harder. I picked her up again. I did everything to calm her down. It was to no avail. She was too far gone. She got rid of her dinner all over me.

Sometimes I am a little slow... I finally realized I CAN"T COMFORT HER!!! If it was Shelby or Gracie or Jackson and I picked them up as a baby, they would've stopped crying. But, the majority of the time, when she throws up... it is because she was crying and I couldn't stop it! So sad! It just made me wonder what happened in the past..... I am sure it's all the same things you've wondered.

These precious little girls from China... they are like trying to figure out the hardest puzzle. Yet, like you, I see through this relationship, how much God loves me.

No matter how hard the road, aren't you so glad God has allowed us to travel it? And, in a way, even though we didn't travel together, I still feel like I get to journey on this road with you!

So glad you are my friend!
Hugs,
April

Anonymous said...

Sharla:can't imagine the ups/downs of these past 4 months. As you said, three little words that mean so much to all of us. How our Father feels as we give those words to him from our heart. Wishing you many more times like this - Love ya Cindy

Anonymous said...

This morning I was thinking about you and Abby. Many many months ago you adopted Abby. She was adopted into your heart long before you saw her, touched her for the first time.
Maybe now she has adopted you!!!

Loove you,
Mom

Patientlywaiting said...

Wow, what strides Abby is making. That is huge that she said it first and of her own choosing! She is a special little girl and your story of adoption is touching a lot of people. We miss you.

Hugs,
Robin

Truly Blessed! said...

Lovely. Happy 4 months together (we just hit 5 months yesterday with our 2nd daughter). It sounds like things are going so well with Abby and all of you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Denise said...

What a blessing Abby is to you...and yes, you have only just begun. This was such a special post Sharla~