Still Processing Africa...

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving!  It has been a wonderful few days for us...  Wednesday was Scott's birthday, then Thanksgiving Day with our close friends and then up to the mountains to cut our Christmas tree and the annual stop at Sonic for lunch!  It is so fun watching Abby immerse herself in our traditions, she thoroughly enjoyed herself today...  I'll post some photos later in the week when I get them downloaded.

I think the highlight of the day though was when I was watching a Christmas movie with the girls...  Abby noticed that Mackenzie had laid her head in my lap and I think she actually got jealous...  She came over, crawled up on the edge of my lap and began to nudge Mackenzie out of the way.  As time goes on, I wouldn't allow that, but that was a first, so we found a compromise and Abby ended up sitting in my lap for the rest of the movie!  Even after almost 18 months, she still can make my heart jump for joy when we cross another milestone!!

So back to processing Africa...  It's been kind of an odd Thanksgiving for me, in that I'm still trying to process all that we saw in Swaziland,  I'm really searching to understand how God wants me to respond...

As much as I loved Thanksgiving and all of the wonderful food, little Esther at the garbage dump was never far from my thoughts.  I still see her face, it's like God has burned her image onto my heart...  A part of me wishes that we had found somewhere to go and serve food to those in need...  Or maybe we should have found a family that couldn't afford to have Thanksgiving and helped them...  I don't know, but somehow I couldn't get comfortable with how much we had...  And that we did nothing for someone else.

It's an odd place to be right now...  I want to be so careful not to beat my kids up with all that we experienced, and yet, they need to know the reality of this world...  All of our hearts need to be changed by the truth of what people are living through...

The other thing I'm wrestling with is Christmas...  I know that God wants us to enjoy our blessings from Him, but what is 'enjoyment' and what is 'indulgence?'  Where does gift giving...fun...enjoyment...cross the line into selfishness...extravagance...greed?

I really don't know the answer to these questions...  And maybe that's the point, maybe God just wants us to wrestle with those questions...  To begin to look at life sacrificially...  For opportunities where we can give up something we don't need for someone who is need...

I think I'll be processing this last trip to Africa for a very long time...

Video From Swaziland...

While we were on our trip to Swaziland, a film crew was with us and this is a early release of some of their footage...  Breathtaking!!  It reminds me of the Brandon Heath song...  They give us God's eyes to see these children...  Would you pray with a surrendered heart (previous post) about serving in Swaziland next summer?  Click this link to find out how...  Litsemba 2010


Litsemba (Hope) from Heart for Africa on Vimeo.

When Was The Last Time You Just Said "Whatever"?

So perhaps I need to start by clarifying my question...  When was the last time you said 'Whatever', to God?

I have a dear friend who is going through A LOT right now... She's kind of a modern day Job and I love her attitude...  Everyday she just gets up and says 'whatever.'  Not in an apathetic sort of way, but in a totally surrendered way...  If He wants her to go somewhere...  she goes...  If her plans have to change...  she's fine with that...  Even in the midst of trials, my sweet friend just wants to be obedient to 'whatever' God has in store for her.

So that got me thinking...  In Sunday School, we are going through John Ortberg's book, "If You Want To Walk On Water, You Have To Get Out Of The Boat."  Now don't get me wrong, I am not criticizing his book at all...  It's a great book and our Sunday School teachers are outstanding...  But sometimes, different experiences lead to different perspectives and I've been thinking about this study from a slightly different perspective...

Granted, we are only a few chapters into the book, but for the first few weeks, much of our discussion has centered around our calling in life and we've looked at our gifts...our passions...and our desires...  But this past week, as we were challenged to think about where God has called us to step out in faith in the past, I was very confused.  My two experiences that immediately came to mind were adopting and traveling to Africa...  Neither of which meet any of the criteria that we were discussing.  I guess I should have spoken up, our Sunday School is an open discussion format, but I just couldn't seem to formulate my thoughts, until today...

Here's the thing...  Neither traveling to Africa or adopting were things that I had ever desired to do...  I don't have any spiritual gifts that would lend themselves to a calling like that, and I certainly didn't have a passion for it...

And then there was my husband, Africa was a little easier, but he was completely opposed to the idea of adoption...  In fact, initially, he said to me what has been said a thousand times, if it's been said once...  "I just don't feel called to adopt."

I will never forget, after I was absolutely convinced that we were supposed to adopt, him coming to me one evening and saying, "Sharla, what if God NEVER moves my heart to adopt?"  After a minute, in a moment of what could only have been divine inspiration, I said, "As long as I can know you are praying with a surrendered heart, then I will accept that it is not God's calling on our lives."  Funny though, when he prayed with a surrendered heart, we went to China!!

So here's what I've been thinking today... Yes, absolutely, God does use our gifts and passions, and many other things to confirm our calling...  But the place we begin to seek His calling is not in our gifts, passions or feelings, but in His WORD!!!

God says to care for the poor and needy...  So we pray, with a completely surrendered heart, about where God wants us to obedient in that...  We know that He has a heart for orphans...  So we pray with a surrendered heart about whether He wants us to adopt... Over and over, Scripture shows us what God wants...  They're not nice little suggestions...they are often commands...  It's not really a matter of 'if' God wants me to serve Him in this way... but 'how' does God want me to serve Him...

Maybe, as you've read my previous posts, you've been thinking, "Well, God hasn't called me to Africa..."  But how do you know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?  Or is it just because you don't have a 'feeling' that you want to go?  Maybe if you've been following for a long time, you might have thought, "Well God hasn't called me to adopt?"  But how do you really know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?  Maybe you don't feel called to teach Sunday School, reach out to your neighbor, visit the local homeless shelter...  But how do you know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?


There is a wonderful team traveling to Swaziland next summer...  They need 300 people to partner with local churches to do Vacation Bible School...plant community gardens and just love on the people who are so desperate to know that God still sees them...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about going?

There are hundreds of thousands of orphans that need a forever family...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about adopting just one of them?

There are families who need financial assistance to adopt?  If God really isn't calling you to adopt, would you pray with a surrendered heart and help them?

There are widows and elderly people who need a ride to the grocery store, or the doctor, or just a visit...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about reaching out to them?

There are food banks who need food...  Homeless shelters who need volunteers...  Teams that need godly coaches...  Schools who need volunteers... I could go on and on listing the needs of this world, but would you say 'yes' even before you knew the question?  Would you just get up in the morning and say, 'Whatever' Lord?  If not, then I would gently suggest that maybe you don't really know what God is calling you to do...

So What Can You Do?

A few have emailed me or commented through my posts about Swaziland, asking, "So what can we do?"  It's a hard question....there is not a single solution...a fix for any of it, it's really just a matter of walking in obedience to God.

As Ian, President of Heart For Africa told me in August, it's "obedience, just obedience."  I know that every child that Janine and Ian meet absolutely rip their hearts out...  As long as Janine has been doing this, I still watch her weep over all that she sees...  But God has given them a vision for Heart For Africa and they are walking in obedience...  They must stay focused on Him and what He's given them to do, because frankly, within a year or two, hopefully less, they will be able to help many children and families, instead of just one at the time.

Here's how...  God gave Janine and Ian a vision for purchasing land in Swaziland, it would be a miracle, since the king owns 70% of the land and there is very little available for private purchase.  But God... don't you just love those 2 words...led them to someone who was willing to sell them 2500 acres of land!!  The price was $1,000,000!  And if I've heard it once, I've heard it many, many times...  Janine and Ian believe that divine confirmation comes through God's provision..

And God confirmed this purchase in a BIG way...  Janine tells the story in her book, which will be out in February, but for now, I'll just tell you, God moved someone's heart to donate the $1,000,000!  And so it began...

When I was there in August, there was a lot of brush, a concrete floor to a building and some block walls...that was it!  And just 2 1/2 months later, 30 acres had been plowed, planted and you could see green sprouts coming up...   The building...  It was completed and being lived in!!  Things don't happen that quickly in America...they really don't happen that quickly in Africa!  God's handprint is all over this project!

The land they purchased has 3 climate zones on it...that means 3 different growing regions for all kinds of crops, cattle, chicken, a fish farm and who knows what else.  It has a waterfall and it's own water resource...  Drilling wells has been a cakewalk on this land...  Their vision is to house 1000+ children and families on this land...a medical center...an export food business and so much more.  It has been done in Kenya by Charles Mulli and he has sent his son to Swaziland to be the overseer for this project!!  God is clearly at work...  

So, if you want to really help, go to their website, www.heartforafrica.org and find how God is calling you to help...  Maybe He's calling you to go...  or to knit beanies... or maybe He's blessed you and you are able to give...  But above all...  PRAY!!   

There's so many ways to get involved...  I'll list them here with the links that will take you directly to the page on their website...but go to their website and explore too...  I've been on three trips with them now...  They are the real deal...  And it is clear from the way God is blessing their efforts that they are walking in obedience to His plans...  Happy Thanksgiving cyber friends!

Ways to get involved... (Click on each one and it will take you there)

Project Canaan

Gift Catalog

Beanies

Celebrate Litsemba  (Litsemba means 'hope'!)

So What Am I Learning?

The thing that I knew after this trip is that, if my life stayed the same, I would be dishonoring God first and the people of Swaziland second...  I must let God use their stories as tools in the hands of the potter to shape and form my heart...  And so I had to ask the question, once again, "What's next?"

I so LOVE God's perfect timing...  In Revelation, we are studying the trumpet judgments as God pours out His judgment on the world.  Funny, I've always thought of God's judgment as HIM doing something...causing something to happen...  But what He's been showing me is that His judgment is not Him DOING as much as Him ALLOWING or handing over...

Let me explain...  In Romans 1, Paul talks about how men insisted on following their own ways and ignoring God and that eventually God gave them over to their lusts, dishonarable passions and debased minds (Paul's words, not mine...)  So as I've studied Revelation 9 and the judgment on mankind, what I realized is that God's judgment is when He pulls back His restraining hand of mercy and gives man over to His sin...

In Revelation 9, He hands the key to the abyss to the fallen star and all kinds of torment is unleashed...  And then, He releases the 4 angels (not good angels) that are at the river Euphrates and even more suffering is unleashed.

What that tells us is that God, in His mercy, has been holding back the fullness of the evil that MAN (not God) let into the world in the Garden of Eden.  God's judgment is not a picture of a tyrant God beating up His people, it is really God saying, "If this is what you want...what you're insisting on...then here..."

The other thing that has really struck me too, is that God's judgment is a picture of His mercy...  While we are on this earth, our suffering is meant to draw us to Him...to cause us to repent and return to Him.  You see it in Revelation, it runs through the book of Joel and basically every other prophet...  Every time God allows the enemy to come on His people, the ONE thing He always tells them (and us) is "Repent and return to Me..."

Because here's the thing...the suffering and torment that we experience in this life is NOTHING compared to what it will be like in eternity apart from God...  If you think what I've been telling you about in Swaziland is horrific, that is just a taste of what eternity apart from God will look like... 

All of Scripture is about God drawing His people, those created in His image, back to Him...  Of tearing down our idols and drawing our hearts back to Him...  Because He knows that no one will love us and care for us like He will...  That no one or nothing can satisfy us like He does...

God's judgment, which is really Him allowing us to experience more of the fullness of what we are choosing in our sin anyway, is an act of kindness and mercy to save us from eternal suffering...  Think on that one for a while...


So what I've come to understand is that change... in my life... in the church... in America... in Swaziland... in the world... must begin with repentance and returning to God.  Repentance means turning from our sin and turning to God...


But repentance has to lead to change or it really means nothing and I really question if it's even true repentance... So God is showing me some areas that keep me from being fully surrendered to Him and I'm praying for opportunities to put some feet on my faith at home.

I really believe that my service to God in Swaziland is not done, my desire to serve that country is too great, but I also believe that God wants me in action in my own city...  There's other things I'm praying about and praying for...  So we'll see what God does over time...

So thanks for reading my stories, for letting me share my heart with you...  I know it probably hasn't been the most joy filled journey, but think about God's heart and how it all must grieve Him...  And then let it break your heart even more...

I loved the way that one of you worded a comment that you left...  (I'm paraphrasing it to express my thought) You can be 'speechless' over the tragedy of all that you see, but don't be 'actless...'  Be devastated and heart broken by the injustice you see all around you, but then pray and get into action...  Show God's heart to a world that desperately needs to see Him...

The Last Day...

If you've stuck with me this long in reading about my last trip to Africa, bless you...  I know how tempting it might be to tune me out, it's not an easy read and it's certainly not fun...or funny...or light hearted... But I have one more story to tell you and then I'll do a post, later in the week, about all that God has been teaching me... 

Be prepared again though, this is as hard as the garbage dump...  Maybe even a little more 'in your face...'  Because it hits us right where we live (literally)...

I have to admit, by the time Friday rolled around, my heart was numb...  It was too much to take in all at once, I was having a hard time processing all that I was seeing.  But there was one more stop to make...  An orphan headed household...  the oldest, 16 years old...  she was raising her 2 siblings and her cousin, and had been for 5 years, since she was 11...  Their parents had died of AIDS...

Out of respect for their privacy, I don't want to post a picture of them...  But their story is heart wrenching...

They live alone, left to fend for themselves...  They have no running water... they walk an hour each day to get water from the river...  Their homestead, once 5 buildings now seems to consist of one that is livable, the others are in ruin.  They are made of mud, and without some help with upkeep, the rainy seasons cause them to melt away...

You might notice that the door is missing...  It is now their bed...  for 2 of the girls anyway...  Let me take you on a tour of their home...  As I do, take a minute to imagine a similar room in your house...  We'll start with their bedroom...

So do you have your bedroom firmly fixed in your head?  The nice warm bed...lots of covers...a nice lamp or two...maybe a bedside table...carpet...

This is where they sleep each night...  Well, 2 of the girls, the other two sleep on a mat on the floor...

Now...  imagine your closet...  Is it overflowing with clothes and shoes?  Many that you probably haven't worn in a very long time?  Full of purchases that you probably didn't need?  Purses for different seasons?  Sadly, mine is...

Now, look at the 'closet' for 4 young women... 

Let's move to the kitchen area...  Do you have a nice refrigerator?  A full pantry?  Cabinets?  A dishwasher?  Here's theirs...

Their stash of corn in one corner...

Bread that we brought them, next to their bed...

Their cooking utensils...  (I guess they actually cook outside over an open fire)

The window...a source of fear at night because the latch is broken and they have no one to fix it...  They're afraid of who might come in during the night...  I'll leave the rest for your imagination...  I'm sure what you imagine is no where near as bad as their reality... 

It was an odd day for me...  I watched and listened to all of their story like a detached observer...  Somehow I just could not connect my heart with all that I was hearing...  To imagine my daughters in that situation was too much to bear...  And yet, these beautiful young girls, made in the image of God, bear it...they live it... every day.

The tears eventually came... they still do, at the most unexpected times...  God was gracious when I got home... I got sick... I've never been so thankful for a fever and an excuse to crawl into my cave and let the grief...the anger...the conviction of all that I saw wash over me...  I have wallowed in it...  railed against it...but now it is time to step out of it and act...

I don't know what's next for me related to Swaziland, my deepest desire is to return there in July or August...  We are seeking God's confirmation...  But I know for certain that my heart is changed forever...

I'll write again in a few days to share what God has been teaching me...

The Garbage Dump...

Let me warn you, this will not be an easy post to read...

So I think the place that was the hardest for me was the day we went to the garbage dump...  I knew it would be hard, but I really had no idea...

It's funny, but as I think of the drive to the dump, it strikes me how naive I was on the way there...  I don't mean for this to be overly dramatic, but I somehow wonder if maybe some part of my life will be defined as 'before and after' the dump...

It's hard for me to look at any thing and not think about what I saw there...  My home...my neighborhood...the food on our table...the food we throw away... the bed I sleep in...

I was worried about our trip to the dump...  I had asked Scott to pray for me because I was so worried about how I would respond...  Sights and smells often combine to have a negative impact on my stomach and the last thing I wanted to do was feel 'grossed out' by what I was seeing...  This is home for many of them and I wanted to see them, and respect them in their home...  I didn't want them to feel any shame or humiliation because of how I might respond...  And God was faithful...  I hardly noticed the smell...  I didn't give a second thought to where I walked...  I didn't notice the flies...  But I will never forget their faces...

When we first arrived, Janine asked us to leave our cameras behind so that we could build a little relationship with them, and then we could go back and get our cameras...  But we had only taken a few steps towards the dump, when she looked back at me and said, "go get your camera..."  I did, but she still asked that I keep it down for a few minutes until they could get comfortable with us...  But something changed...  All of a sudden she looked at me and said, "Take pictures...document it all...take a 1000 pictures..."  And so I did the hardest thing I've ever done... I started to take their pictures...

We watched a mother feed her 3 year old daughter a rotten banana she had found...  Her name is Esther...

We met a 70 year old grandmother who has lost all of her children to AIDS and comes to the dump to get food for her grandchildren...

A man wearing plastic bags for shoes, gave me permission to take his picture...  He even squatted down for me so I could get all of him in the picture...

We met a young man who lives at the dump with his brother...  their parents have died...  they fear the dark because the local men get drunk and come to the dump to harass them...

We gave them a bag of oranges for being so open with us...

This is where these other young men live...

They try to find meat, that doesn't have worms in it, and then they cook it...

They collect cigarette butts, pull out the little bit of left over tobacco and then smoke it...

They wait for the garbage truck to arrive...

And then, like a kid at Christmas, they start sifting through it's 'treasures'...

I don't know all of their stories, I wish I did...  I wish I knew their names...  but I want to show you their faces...  They deserve to have their faces known...  They deserve to have someone's heart break over them...

And in the midst of it all...the darkness...the injustice...the pain...we found children who, when given a soccer ball...can still be children...but don't miss the little boy who wouldn't put down his loaf of bread...

At the garbage dump, we found a glimpse of the peace of God, in the face of a child as one of our dear ladies, on our trip, prayed for her...

And a little boy who had clearly been prayed for before...

Jesus in the most unexpected places...

It was a hard day...perhaps one of the hardest ever...  When we got into the car to leave, I cried...  Taking photos of these beautiful people, made in the image of God, broke my heart.  I love photography...  But on that day I hated it...  Somehow I felt like I was stripping them of their last bit of dignity...  But their story needs to be told...  They need to be remembered... They deserve to be seen...  The image of God should never be found in a garbage dump...  I pray that somehow I have honored them by capturing them with respect and love...  By telling their story well...

As our time at the dump came to an end, a young man told us that they have hope in God when the white man comes...  It's not because we came with a lot of stuff...just a few bags of oranges...  He told us that he feels hope because he is seen, that he doesn't feel seen by the people of his own country...

But before we judge his fellow countrymen too harshly, we must stop and ask ourselves the question...  Are there people in our own communities who have no hope, because they don't feel seen?

Pastors in Swaziland told us they don't visit the dump because it is too dangerous...  But are there places that we are unwilling to go in our own communities, because it is too dangerous?

We dare not judge the people of Swaziland, because we have to ask the question, are we really all that different?

I can't speak for you, but the answer for me breaks my heart...
I am really not that different...

I pray, with all of my heart, that God is changing that...
I want my heart...my life...to look like His Son's...
And that means I need to see the brokeness around me... to learn to walk where most won't go... and to love the ones who most won't love... 

How about you?

They Are Not Faceless Statistics...

So I'm just curious, what are you planning for your Thanksgiving meal in just 2 weeks?  A large turkey?  Sweet potatoes?  Mashed potatoes?  Maybe some green beans and corn pudding?  Definitely gravy and stuffing?  What's for dessert?  Pumpkin pie?

On our second day, S, the lady who works for Heart For Africa in Swaziland, took me with her to buy food for a family that HFA has been looking after...  The mom had made a really hard choice and decided to be tested for HIV and now S wanted to buy her some food that would be a treat...  She called it a feast...  A large bag of rice...  Powdered milk, like our cremora for our coffee...  Canned fish...  Knorr instant Minestrone soup...  Soya, some kind of gravy and sugar beans...  A feast?  Really?  For a week, and 10 children?  Welcome to their world...

After we bought the groceries, we went back to the AIDS clinic and waited...  While we waited, I forced myself to look into the eyes, the faces, of the children...the mothers...the grandmothers...  I wanted to really see them...  They are not statistics...  They are people...  People with hopes and dreams...  Fears and feelings...  They put on their Sunday best to come to the clinic...  I wonder why?  Is it their only means of clinging to their dignity...  of dealing with a disease that many treat like leoprosy? 

As we waited, S told me about them...  She didn't know them personally, but while the details of the stories may be slightly different, they're all pretty much the same...  A young girl who had been raped, you could tell by the way she walked...  A young boy with HIV, either he was born with it, or he was raped...  Babies born with HIV will often not live past 7 because the ARV's destroy their organs...  Children who contract HIV rarely live past 29, for the same reason... 

The incidence of HIV is 48% in this small nation...  Physicians in the country estimate that it's more like 65%...  That 48% only represents those who have actually been tested...  Where does it stop?  I thought education was key...but is it really?  It's definitely part of the equation, but a heart change is necessary too...  Promiscuity...mulitple wives...rape...it has to stop...all the education in the world doesn't seem to impact the basic human nature...it requires true transformation that runs much deeper than a few facts and a campaign to use condoms!

I don't have photos of the faces that day...  It was a medical clinic, they deserve the same privacy we have in America, but the eyes were heart wrenching...  Children who should have been laughing and playing, were waiting for the medicine that will hopefully increase their lifespan a little and yet, ultimately kill them...   Mothers, waiting for hours and hours when they should be at home taking care of their families...   Babies... toddlers... whose playground, once a week, is an AIDS clinic waiting room...  The hard cold facts of their reality...

And yet a glimmer of hope in the day... a glimpse of God's power... an assurance that He's still in the miracle business... the young woman who we took to be tested, it was negative...  against all odds...  it defies human explanation...  Thank you God for hope...thank you for putting it on S's heart to buy her a 'feast!'  She had much to celebrate...and so did we!!

A Family of 40!

(To make the beanies that you'll see below for the children, go to The Beanie Machine (click on those words) and you'll find the information that you need...  thank you, what a wonderful gift to the children!!)

So, the reason that we went to Africa was because of Litsemba...the Siswati word for hope!!  It is a vision to see the church of North America partner with the church in Swaziland in bringing the hope of Christ to the widows and orphans of Swaziland...  You can read all about it at Heart For Africa's website and even find ways you can get involved...  Our small team went as a planning trip for the event and to begin seeking ways that we could implement this long term...  But we also went to learn more of the reality of what is happening in Swaziland...

On our first day there, we went to rural community and met a couple who has taken in 40+ orphans from their community.  We estimated that there were about 26 under the age of 5!  No one asked them to do this, except for the Holy Spirit of course, I doubt that it was what they had planned for their life, and yet they are willing to offer their lives as living sacrifices to care for those in distress.  On the weekends, they feed approximately 320 orphans because school is not in session and they would not have food to eat...

A member of Parliament for that area estimated that he has 25,000 constituents in that area and that 15,000 of them are orphans...  Is that just staggering to you?  It blows me away... I can barely get my brain around it...

With such sadness and grief in their young lives, you would think that I would have found far more despairing eyes than I did...  What I saw was hope...  life...  joy!!  I heard children sing praises to Jesus!!  They are surrounded by death and disease and yet, the love of God, through this couple has given them hope...  That's what happens when the church behaves like the church, as God intended.

One thing that I thought was really cool was that the community had come together and built a place for the children to sleep...  40 children sleeping in basically 2 rooms...  I'm ashamed when I consider the size of my house compared to the small building where these children sleep...

We were able to take them blankets, but the great joy was in giving them beanies that had been knitted for them!!  Look at these faces...  And if you're a knitter and want to knit some beanies...  Click here

Such a simple gift...yet so much joy... The message of "I see you and I love you..." straight from heaven!!