So What Am I Learning?

The thing that I knew after this trip is that, if my life stayed the same, I would be dishonoring God first and the people of Swaziland second...  I must let God use their stories as tools in the hands of the potter to shape and form my heart...  And so I had to ask the question, once again, "What's next?"

I so LOVE God's perfect timing...  In Revelation, we are studying the trumpet judgments as God pours out His judgment on the world.  Funny, I've always thought of God's judgment as HIM doing something...causing something to happen...  But what He's been showing me is that His judgment is not Him DOING as much as Him ALLOWING or handing over...

Let me explain...  In Romans 1, Paul talks about how men insisted on following their own ways and ignoring God and that eventually God gave them over to their lusts, dishonarable passions and debased minds (Paul's words, not mine...)  So as I've studied Revelation 9 and the judgment on mankind, what I realized is that God's judgment is when He pulls back His restraining hand of mercy and gives man over to His sin...

In Revelation 9, He hands the key to the abyss to the fallen star and all kinds of torment is unleashed...  And then, He releases the 4 angels (not good angels) that are at the river Euphrates and even more suffering is unleashed.

What that tells us is that God, in His mercy, has been holding back the fullness of the evil that MAN (not God) let into the world in the Garden of Eden.  God's judgment is not a picture of a tyrant God beating up His people, it is really God saying, "If this is what you want...what you're insisting on...then here..."

The other thing that has really struck me too, is that God's judgment is a picture of His mercy...  While we are on this earth, our suffering is meant to draw us to Him...to cause us to repent and return to Him.  You see it in Revelation, it runs through the book of Joel and basically every other prophet...  Every time God allows the enemy to come on His people, the ONE thing He always tells them (and us) is "Repent and return to Me..."

Because here's the thing...the suffering and torment that we experience in this life is NOTHING compared to what it will be like in eternity apart from God...  If you think what I've been telling you about in Swaziland is horrific, that is just a taste of what eternity apart from God will look like... 

All of Scripture is about God drawing His people, those created in His image, back to Him...  Of tearing down our idols and drawing our hearts back to Him...  Because He knows that no one will love us and care for us like He will...  That no one or nothing can satisfy us like He does...

God's judgment, which is really Him allowing us to experience more of the fullness of what we are choosing in our sin anyway, is an act of kindness and mercy to save us from eternal suffering...  Think on that one for a while...


So what I've come to understand is that change... in my life... in the church... in America... in Swaziland... in the world... must begin with repentance and returning to God.  Repentance means turning from our sin and turning to God...


But repentance has to lead to change or it really means nothing and I really question if it's even true repentance... So God is showing me some areas that keep me from being fully surrendered to Him and I'm praying for opportunities to put some feet on my faith at home.

I really believe that my service to God in Swaziland is not done, my desire to serve that country is too great, but I also believe that God wants me in action in my own city...  There's other things I'm praying about and praying for...  So we'll see what God does over time...

So thanks for reading my stories, for letting me share my heart with you...  I know it probably hasn't been the most joy filled journey, but think about God's heart and how it all must grieve Him...  And then let it break your heart even more...

I loved the way that one of you worded a comment that you left...  (I'm paraphrasing it to express my thought) You can be 'speechless' over the tragedy of all that you see, but don't be 'actless...'  Be devastated and heart broken by the injustice you see all around you, but then pray and get into action...  Show God's heart to a world that desperately needs to see Him...