The Best Christmas Present... Maybe Ever!

So I wish I had a picture to show you... I wish I could take the image that is forever burned on my heart but it was one of those moments when I was afraid to move to get the camera...  I was afraid to breathe...  For fear that I would somehow disrupt the gift that was occurring right before my eyes...

Every year on Christmas Eve, Scott reads the Christmas story from Luke 2...  We talk about what Jesus did for us, and each year as the kids get older, we challenge them more and more to think about why Jesus left the glory of heaven...the infiniteness of living in the Spirit... and confine Himself to space and time and flesh.

Abby really struggles when we get into conversations that she doesn't understand...  I think it probably disrupts her sense of belonging and that's understandable, but it's that balance of nurturing our older children and having grace for her circumstances that can be so difficult.

I guess after sitting still for over an hour during our Christmas Eve service (which was OUTSTANDING as usual) and then being asked to sit still again as Scott read the story of Jesus' birth, was just too much.  She pulled her hood over her head and refused to listen.

Now she was sitting where I couldn't see her, so Scott and I had no idea what was going on...  But it really upset my grandmother, who is 97 years old.  After Scott finished, I heard her say to my mom, "Why did Abby cover her head?  I would not allow her to do that."  At first I felt a little defensive, 'well, neither would I if I had had any idea it was happening..."  But I sat quietly and started to watch as these events unfolded...

My grandmother called her over to her...  Abby was reluctant at first but she went to her and let Mama H. pull her close.  I kind of held my breath because my grandmother really doesn't understand the nuances of dealing with an adopted older child, but it turned out to be one of the most Spirit filled moments I've ever experienced...  She demonstrated more grace and understanding than I ever would have mustered...

Very gently, my grandmother asked her why she had covered her head and refused to listen.  Of course, Abby didn't have an answer...  So Mama H. began to explain what Jesus did for us.  "Abby, Jesus died on the cross for our sins.  We're all sinners, even children and He died to save us.  So we need to listen to the story of His birth."

She talked to her about how Jesus loved her and she said, "I know you love Him too because He died for me and for you."  And then she said, "Abby, when Pop (that was my grandfather who passed away...but she was really talking about Scott)...  when Pop reads the Christmas story next time, you'll listen right?"  Abby nodded her head and Mama H. pulled her close into a hug and said, "I knew you would, you're such a sweet girl and I love you."

It's funny, in all these years, I've never heard my grandmother so passionate about Jesus and what He did for us...  I've heard her share her testimony...  I have no doubt about who her heart belongs to, but as the generations before us often are, she has always been a little more private about her faith.

But tonight took my breath away...  She was upset that Abby showed such disrespect for the story of Jesus' birth...  Yet, she showed such grace and love as she shared her faith with her...  As I sat and watched in utter awe and wonder...  as I considered how there was no doubt that this was a God ordained moment, led by the Spirit... I thought, "It would not surprise me in the least if someday, maybe in 2 years...maybe in 20...  Abby remembers how her 97 year old grandmother shared the gospel with her and planted a seed in her heart that took root in a great love for Him."

No matter what earthly gifts lay under the tree for tomorrow...  God has already unwrapped the greatest Christmas present... Maybe ever (except of course for the birth of His Son...)  It's 12 A.M. right now... Merry CHRISTmas!

A Second First Christmas...

So technically, Abby had her first Christmas with us last year.  But she'd only been home  4 months, her English wasn't great and it was just really hard to explain the whole idea of Christmas...  Everything seemed new and overwhelming...  

BUT this year has been a whole different story...  She has a whole memory of new (to her) traditions created last year and she has had so much fun...  She LOVED going to the mountains to cut the Christmas tree...  She couldn't wait to decorate it...  When we put the manger scene out, she remembered exactly where she had put baby Jesus' blanket that my friend had made for her when she heard how Abby was upset last Christmas that baby Jesus was cold and covered him with a piece of cotton...

And we have baked and baked and baked and baked...  Well, you get the idea!!  And she is so excited about the presents under the tree!!  This morning she came in the kitchen and said, "Mommy, I love Christmas, I am so excited!"

"Abby, why are you so excited?" 

"Because we get to open presents tomorrow..." 

"Well, what about baby Jesus?  It's His birthday afterall, and He's the only reason that we get to celebrate Christmas..."

"Mommy?  Is He excited too then?"

I had to stifle a giggle with that one...  We talk about Jesus all the time...  We pray...  She still clearly doesn't get the significance of Jesus, but I love how she thinks of Him...  She doesn't question His realness, she just doesn't understand yet what He did for her...

I told her that Jesus was very excited when we remember to celebrate His birthday and not just think about the presents...

And then her question that once again stumped me (there's been several of them over the last year)...

"Mommy, when is God's birthday?"

How do you explain to a 7 year old... who heard about God and Jesus for the very first time, just 17 months ago...  who has great social language, but is still struggling with taking thoughts and ideas and processing them on a deeper level...  and explain to her that God is not a created being?  That He has existed for all time?  That He doesn't have a birthday?  He just is?  Those thoughts blow my mind and so much of it, I just accept on faith because I see evidence of God and His love for us EVERYWHERE...  But I have no clue how to explain that to Abby...

The God we love is truly mind boggling...  He is so BIG...so HOLY...so GLORIOUS...so AWESOME...  And yet, He loved us so much that over 2000 years ago He sent His beloved Son into this world, born in a smelly manger, for the sole purpose of dying the most horrible death imaginable so that we could be in relationship with Him...

Now that kind of love blows my mind even more than the fact that God doesn't have a birthday...  I pray that someday Abby will look at me with the same wonder over what Jesus did for her on a cross as she did when I tried to explain to her that God has existed for all time...

May we all remember David's beautiful words from Psalm 8:3-4...

"When I consider your heavens,
       the work of your fingers,
       the moon and the stars,
       which you have set in place,
  what is man that you are mindful of him,
       the son of man that you care for him?"

Merry Christmas...  I pray that as you remember the birth of our Savior, you are overwhelmed by His love for you...

Interaction or Transaction?

Hi...  It's been so long since I've blogged...  And it's been even longer since I've written about adoption.  I don't know what it is about this time of year, but I just get blog weary.  I don't want anything to do with my blog...  I don't read other blogs...  I guess I just have to take a break, but there's just been so much percolating in my heart and mind these last few days that it finally just needed to be poured out here...

I learned an important lesson at dinner the other night...


We had taken our family to dinner with our good friends and Abby was having a MAJOR attitude issue...  She was pouting...  she refused to order any thing to drink and she wouldn't answer her daddy when he tried to find out what she wanted to eat...

That really rubbed me the wrong way and I proceeded to tell her (I hate to admit this, but not in my nicest voice ever) that if she persisted with that attitude and refused to eat, she would just have to go to bed hungry...  Yes, I was being a jerk...  Thankfully though, the Spirit in my heart did one of those quiet, gentle, but unmistakable nudges and I decided to explore this attitude a little...

I pulled her over to the side, to an empty chair, pulled her close and started questioning her about her attitude...  She was tired (she had fallen asleep in the car on the way to the restaurant) and she looked up at me with BIG puddles of tears in her eyes and said, "Mommy, I'm just tired and I don't want to eat...  Do I HAVE to eat?"

I hugged her close, assured her that she didn't have to eat anything she didn't want and compromised by ordering her noodles and water...  She cried for a few more minutes and then everything was fine...  And before we knew it, she was sampling off everyone else's plates, which was fine because there was WAY too much food!

I think it's good that she is so much a part of our family, that we treat her like our biological kids...  But the fact is, she has come from a completely different place...  A place that requires an extra measure of grace...  An extra dose of patience and an abundance of understanding...  And yet, it's a lesson that is beneficial to every relationship...  I need to slow down and find out what's really going on in people's lives...  I need to interact with them, not just transact with them...

So what do I mean by that?  It's a lesson I've learned from Africa...  In Africa, business transactions are first and foremost about the relationship and then about the business.  There's this little gift shop that I love to go in at the hotel we stay in.  Too many times, I've run in there with too little time to find something to take home.  And too often the ladies who work there have seemed offended because they tried to make conversation and I was too focused on completing my transaction to be concerned with my interaction with them...

When I went in November, I made a concious effort to do something different...  This time I went in and before I started looking around, I took the time to talk to them and be interested in their lives...  I took the time to SEE them as people...  Not as just a means to an end.

Well, the incident with Abby at dinner made me realize how often I do that with people in my life...  I have a task to get accomplished, too little time and the person becomes a transaction rather than an interaction...  With Abby at dinner, I wanted to get her dinner ordered... task accomplished...so that we could carry on our conversation with our friends and the kids would talk among themselves.

But Abby needed interaction...  She needed me to really see her and take the time to explore what was going on in heart...  She wasn't a task to be taken care of, she was a precious 7 year old who just needed her mommy to hear her concerns... to be hugged while she cried a few tears and then life could go on...  We were all rewarded with lots of smiles and laughter.

During these last few busy days before Christmas...  may we all remember that God created us to interact... not to transact...  Take time to see and be interested in the person who rings up your groceries...  The man or woman ringing the bell at the kettle...  the person helping you with your Christmas purchases...  Most of all your children, family and friends. 

Have a WONDERFUL MERRY Christmas...

Sandwiched Between Suburbias...

Sandwiched between the suburbias surrounding most cities, is a world that most of don't realize even exists...  Or maybe if we were honest with ourselves, we'd have to admit that common sense tells us it's there, we just never choose to think about it...

In suburbia, our kids get 3 meals a day... working moms can afford to hire sitters or send their kids to day care...  children come to Book Fairs with money to buy books and trinkets...  for the most part, parents are involved in their children's lives...  they help them with their homework...  children play outside and the idea of a drive by shooting is something that happens in movies...

Frankly, most of us who live in the suburbs really have no clue...  I don't know, maybe I've just lived most of my life intensely self-centered and blind to those around me, and no one else is like me, but somehow I don't think so.  If we really knew what life was like for the children sandwiched between the suburbias, would we really keep sticking our heads in the sand?

Sorry, I guess this post is sounding a little angry, but I'm just angry with myself...  Today, I went and volunteered at a low income school in our city and once again, God opened my eyes to a world that is so different than the one I live in every day.

Even though I had just been to Africa, even to the garbage dump, I am still so incredibly naive and it's because I don't take time to think about and learn about a world... a life that's not like mine...  Intellectually I know it's there, but if I understand the reality of it, then I become responsible to do something.  Certainly not to fix it, but definitely not to just sit idly by and do nothing.

I just finished reading a book called "God in the Alley", by Greg Paul (I HIGHLY recommend it) and now I'm reading his second book, "The Twenty Piece Shuffle."  After I came home today, here's what I read, "...there are more than 2,000 references in more than 400 different passages of Scripture that speak of God's passion for the poor...  Biblical writers use more than 40 different words to describe conditions of poverty."

That's staggering to me...  I've always heard that money is the most talked about subject in the Bible, but I really have to wonder if that's accurate...

Mr. Paul draws the obvious conclusion, "Poor people have a critical place at the very heart of God's relationship with humanity."

I've been reading the book of Amos and I've been so struck at how this can apply to America...especially the church in America...  Amos prophesied at a time of great prosperity in Israel, they lived on estates, had luxurious beds, indulged themselves in their pleasures, but they ignored and oppressed the poor and afflicted and God was warning them of impending judgment.

God cares that we aren't caring for those in distress...  Yes, we've adopted and many of you have too and I know that God is pleased...  But one, or two or ten acts of obedience that reflect the heart of God do not constitute a life of obedience.

It has to be day by day... God's heart for the poor has to be reflected in the very way we live our lives...spend our money...use our time and our gifts...

God may not call me to a specific act of caring for someone in distress today, but He might be calling me to save the $20 I'm about to spend on something I, or my kids don't need, so it will be there when He does call me to care for someone in distress.

Or maybe He's asking me to give up lunch with a friend and go and mentor a child who doesn't have anyone in their life to love them...  There's a million different decisions that we make everyday that either reflect His heart for the poor, or our own desire to please ourselves...

I need... I want... to learn more about the world between the suburbias...  I long for my heart to look more like His.

A Christmas Challenge...

I have a Christmas challenge...  Naomi, one of my blog friends, read the story of my trip to the garbage dump to her children and they have decided to give up one of their Christmas presents and give the money to Heart For Africa to send a child to Litsemba, an event that will bring hope to the children in Swaziland and create awareness in the country about the growing orphan population...  You can read her post here...

Her children totally inspired me...  Every year we do stockings for our kids and they've agreed to give up their stockings so we can give the money to Heart For Africa...

So tonight we went Christmas Shopping on the HFA website...  I can't tell you how much fun it was, it was truly a blessing.  We read the different descriptions and each family member got to have a say in the "gifts" we gave...  

So let's start a movement...  Most of us are so blessed...  What if we each just gave up one Christmas present and gave it to the children in Swaziland?  

Let's say your average Christmas present is around $25...  Isn't there just one thing you would be willing to give up so that children who are eating rotten bananas might have hope?  If 100 people gave up one present, that would be $2500...  Or what if 100 families gave up 4 presents, one per person, that would be $10,000...

  

It's so simple...  Give up one gift and give hope...  Make a statement to the world that says, "This is not okay with me!"

Heart For Africa has a gift catalog of ways you can donate...  You could even let your children choose where they would like their present  to go...  Click here to go their catalog...

If you're willing to participate, would you leave me a comment?  I moderate my comments, so I won't post it if you would prefer to keep it private...  Would you even consider posting this challenge on your own blog or your FaceBook?  And if God leads you to give money the money somewhere else, would you still let me know? 

Let's share the abundance that God has blessed us with...

I've copied in a few examples from their catalog...but there are many more on their website...

Partner with a church in planting a garden for orphans in their community...$50

We are partnering with churches to begin caring for the orphans in their communities, but without food the children will die.  A garden with life-saving vegetables, surrounded by a fence to keep animals out can help the church provide food for thousands of children in desperate need. It will cost $200 for a 45ft x 45ft garden or share in the cost for $50.

Buy fruit trees...$25

In 2009 hundreds of fruit trees were planted at two children’s homes in Kenya and on Project Canaan land in Swaziland. These trees are lovingly cared for and watered by precious children who know that one day the trees will provide shade as well as fruit to eat.  By donating to this fund, we have the opportunity to plant many more trees yielding nutritious fruit. $25

Help grow food at Project Canaan...$25

Every 3 seconds a child dies of hunger or malnutrition.  With 200,000 orphans in Swaziland and an additional 8,000 new orphans every month we want to develop large scale farming that will allow us to provide healthy food for orphans and vulnerable children as well as generate employment and income on Project Canaan. $25

Send a child to Litsemba...$10

On July 23, 2010, Heart for Africa will transport 15,000 orphans and vulnerable children to the National Stadium in Swaziland to celebrate “Litsemba” which means hope in siSwati. The logistical details of busing the children from every corner of Swaziland are being put into place but we need your help to transport them. It will cost just $10 per child.  At this event children will receive a meal, a blanket, a beanie (it gets really cold in the winter and they need them to keep their heads warm), they will hear a message of hope and if you can just imagine 15,000 orphans and vulnerable children in one stadium, it will help generate awareness in Swaziland of the growing problem of more and more children being orphaned.

 

Full Circle...

One of the leaders at Heart For Africa emailed our November team and said he had a hard time sleeping last night, so he took the photos that I took on our last trip to Swaziland and made a slideshow...  I'm going to post it first, but if you want to know why it took my breath away, you'll have to read on afterwards...  He did an incredible job with the slideshow...

It's been almost a year, but on January 4, 2009, I posted my first entry of the New Year, this is what I wrote...

"Each year I like to ask myself the question, "What do I want God to do in my heart this year?" I guess that could sound a little presumptuous, God will do as He sees fit, but I hope that the longing that He gives me each year, is from Him…a burden for something in my life that needs changing.

Over the last months, since our adoption, God has continued to show me how hard my heart still is and lately, I have found myself longing for God to break my heart...

Over Christmas, I was on IT*nes, trying to find some new groups that I would enjoy listening to and I stumbled across a song by Brandon Heath, it really spoke to my heart. Here are the lyrics…

"Looked down from a broken sky Traced out by the city lights My world from a mile high Best seat in the house tonight Touched down on the cold black tile Hold on for the sudden stop Breath in the familiar shock Of confusion and chaos  All those people going somewhere? Why have I never cared?

Step out on a busy street See a girl and our eyes meet Does her best to smile at me To hide what’s underneath There’s a man just to her right Black suit and a bright red tie Too ashamed to tell his wife
He’s out of work He’s buying time  All those people going somewhere? Why have I never cared?

I’ve Been there a million times A couple of million eyes just move and pass me by I swear I never thought that I was wrong Well I want a second glance  So give me a second chance To see the way you see the people all alone

Give me your eyes for just one second Give me your eyes so I can see Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity Give me your arms for the broken hearted The ones that are far beyond my reach Give me your heart for the once forgotten"

Too often I find that my heart doesn’t break for the brokenness of humanity and that makes me sad. But I believe that Mr. Heath has the right idea…we need to pray for God’s eyes to see.

He created a perfect world…He gave us a tremendous gift and we wrecked it…that must grieve His heart…so it should grieve mine too. I need His eyes to see…His heart to feel…His love to give…His selflessness to sacrifice.

I have so far to go and yet, I am His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10), a work in progress, being crafted by the hand of the Master… I am no where near where He wants me, but I’m so far from what I used to be!

I pray that when this time rolls around next year, my heart will be more tender, more compassionate, more full of mercy and overflowing with His love and grace…I pray that I will see more with His eyes each and every day.

Many blessings in the New Year!

When I started watching the slideshow and the Brandon Heath song started playing, it took my breath away...  As the New Year rolls around,  I have no doubt that God has been answering that prayer...  I'm not all the way there yet, not even close, but it was this last trip to Africa that He used to break my heart for those in distress, like never before...  He is giving me eyes to see, like never before... He is bringing the year full cirle...  I just love how God is intimately involved in the details of our lives!!

Even Abby Gets It...

 Tonight, I was watching a film clip that Janine (from Heart For Africa) posted on her Facebook...  It's a powerful look into the life of an orphan headed household in Swaziland...  It broke my heart...  I tried to post a link to it, but the link works for a while and then just randomly switches to some other video...

But shortly after it started, Abby came over and started watching it with me...  There's English subtitles and she wanted me to read them to her...  I explained to her that these were some of the children from Swaziland, that they were like the ones I went to see...

We talked about how they didn't have a mommy or daddy...  No one to get them food...  Or cook it for them...  No one to wash their clothes...  Or help them take a bath...  Or get ready for the school in the morning...

"Mommy..."  Yes Abby?  "That's so sad..."

A few minutes later, they showed a small child walking with a bucket on his head...  "Mommy, why does he have a bucket on his head?"

"I guess he's going to get water, they don't have a sink like we have...they can't get it whenever they want, like we can..."

A short time later, the child arrived at a water source and began to fill the bucket...  "Mommy, you were right...  But the water looks so dirty."

"It is dirty, it often makes them very sick because they can't get clean water..."

She wanted to know and understand everything that was happening in the film...  "Where was their daddy?"  "Did their mommy die?"

Abby was seeing the reality of their lives and really letting it penetrate her heart and mind...  She was considering what it meant to live like they do...  She's a beautiful example of what it means to really see people...  I think sometimes we may look at things superficially but when we don't really consider what we're seeing, it doesn't penetrate our hearts and stir us into action.

At 7 years old, she gets it...  If what's happening to these children is not okay with a 7 year, how on earth can we justify or rationalize that it's ok with us?

Still Processing Africa...

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving!  It has been a wonderful few days for us...  Wednesday was Scott's birthday, then Thanksgiving Day with our close friends and then up to the mountains to cut our Christmas tree and the annual stop at Sonic for lunch!  It is so fun watching Abby immerse herself in our traditions, she thoroughly enjoyed herself today...  I'll post some photos later in the week when I get them downloaded.

I think the highlight of the day though was when I was watching a Christmas movie with the girls...  Abby noticed that Mackenzie had laid her head in my lap and I think she actually got jealous...  She came over, crawled up on the edge of my lap and began to nudge Mackenzie out of the way.  As time goes on, I wouldn't allow that, but that was a first, so we found a compromise and Abby ended up sitting in my lap for the rest of the movie!  Even after almost 18 months, she still can make my heart jump for joy when we cross another milestone!!

So back to processing Africa...  It's been kind of an odd Thanksgiving for me, in that I'm still trying to process all that we saw in Swaziland,  I'm really searching to understand how God wants me to respond...

As much as I loved Thanksgiving and all of the wonderful food, little Esther at the garbage dump was never far from my thoughts.  I still see her face, it's like God has burned her image onto my heart...  A part of me wishes that we had found somewhere to go and serve food to those in need...  Or maybe we should have found a family that couldn't afford to have Thanksgiving and helped them...  I don't know, but somehow I couldn't get comfortable with how much we had...  And that we did nothing for someone else.

It's an odd place to be right now...  I want to be so careful not to beat my kids up with all that we experienced, and yet, they need to know the reality of this world...  All of our hearts need to be changed by the truth of what people are living through...

The other thing I'm wrestling with is Christmas...  I know that God wants us to enjoy our blessings from Him, but what is 'enjoyment' and what is 'indulgence?'  Where does gift giving...fun...enjoyment...cross the line into selfishness...extravagance...greed?

I really don't know the answer to these questions...  And maybe that's the point, maybe God just wants us to wrestle with those questions...  To begin to look at life sacrificially...  For opportunities where we can give up something we don't need for someone who is need...

I think I'll be processing this last trip to Africa for a very long time...

Video From Swaziland...

While we were on our trip to Swaziland, a film crew was with us and this is a early release of some of their footage...  Breathtaking!!  It reminds me of the Brandon Heath song...  They give us God's eyes to see these children...  Would you pray with a surrendered heart (previous post) about serving in Swaziland next summer?  Click this link to find out how...  Litsemba 2010


Litsemba (Hope) from Heart for Africa on Vimeo.

When Was The Last Time You Just Said "Whatever"?

So perhaps I need to start by clarifying my question...  When was the last time you said 'Whatever', to God?

I have a dear friend who is going through A LOT right now... She's kind of a modern day Job and I love her attitude...  Everyday she just gets up and says 'whatever.'  Not in an apathetic sort of way, but in a totally surrendered way...  If He wants her to go somewhere...  she goes...  If her plans have to change...  she's fine with that...  Even in the midst of trials, my sweet friend just wants to be obedient to 'whatever' God has in store for her.

So that got me thinking...  In Sunday School, we are going through John Ortberg's book, "If You Want To Walk On Water, You Have To Get Out Of The Boat."  Now don't get me wrong, I am not criticizing his book at all...  It's a great book and our Sunday School teachers are outstanding...  But sometimes, different experiences lead to different perspectives and I've been thinking about this study from a slightly different perspective...

Granted, we are only a few chapters into the book, but for the first few weeks, much of our discussion has centered around our calling in life and we've looked at our gifts...our passions...and our desires...  But this past week, as we were challenged to think about where God has called us to step out in faith in the past, I was very confused.  My two experiences that immediately came to mind were adopting and traveling to Africa...  Neither of which meet any of the criteria that we were discussing.  I guess I should have spoken up, our Sunday School is an open discussion format, but I just couldn't seem to formulate my thoughts, until today...

Here's the thing...  Neither traveling to Africa or adopting were things that I had ever desired to do...  I don't have any spiritual gifts that would lend themselves to a calling like that, and I certainly didn't have a passion for it...

And then there was my husband, Africa was a little easier, but he was completely opposed to the idea of adoption...  In fact, initially, he said to me what has been said a thousand times, if it's been said once...  "I just don't feel called to adopt."

I will never forget, after I was absolutely convinced that we were supposed to adopt, him coming to me one evening and saying, "Sharla, what if God NEVER moves my heart to adopt?"  After a minute, in a moment of what could only have been divine inspiration, I said, "As long as I can know you are praying with a surrendered heart, then I will accept that it is not God's calling on our lives."  Funny though, when he prayed with a surrendered heart, we went to China!!

So here's what I've been thinking today... Yes, absolutely, God does use our gifts and passions, and many other things to confirm our calling...  But the place we begin to seek His calling is not in our gifts, passions or feelings, but in His WORD!!!

God says to care for the poor and needy...  So we pray, with a completely surrendered heart, about where God wants us to obedient in that...  We know that He has a heart for orphans...  So we pray with a surrendered heart about whether He wants us to adopt... Over and over, Scripture shows us what God wants...  They're not nice little suggestions...they are often commands...  It's not really a matter of 'if' God wants me to serve Him in this way... but 'how' does God want me to serve Him...

Maybe, as you've read my previous posts, you've been thinking, "Well, God hasn't called me to Africa..."  But how do you know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?  Or is it just because you don't have a 'feeling' that you want to go?  Maybe if you've been following for a long time, you might have thought, "Well God hasn't called me to adopt?"  But how do you really know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?  Maybe you don't feel called to teach Sunday School, reach out to your neighbor, visit the local homeless shelter...  But how do you know?  Have you prayed with a surrendered heart?


There is a wonderful team traveling to Swaziland next summer...  They need 300 people to partner with local churches to do Vacation Bible School...plant community gardens and just love on the people who are so desperate to know that God still sees them...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about going?

There are hundreds of thousands of orphans that need a forever family...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about adopting just one of them?

There are families who need financial assistance to adopt?  If God really isn't calling you to adopt, would you pray with a surrendered heart and help them?

There are widows and elderly people who need a ride to the grocery store, or the doctor, or just a visit...  Will you pray with a surrendered heart about reaching out to them?

There are food banks who need food...  Homeless shelters who need volunteers...  Teams that need godly coaches...  Schools who need volunteers... I could go on and on listing the needs of this world, but would you say 'yes' even before you knew the question?  Would you just get up in the morning and say, 'Whatever' Lord?  If not, then I would gently suggest that maybe you don't really know what God is calling you to do...

So What Can You Do?

A few have emailed me or commented through my posts about Swaziland, asking, "So what can we do?"  It's a hard question....there is not a single solution...a fix for any of it, it's really just a matter of walking in obedience to God.

As Ian, President of Heart For Africa told me in August, it's "obedience, just obedience."  I know that every child that Janine and Ian meet absolutely rip their hearts out...  As long as Janine has been doing this, I still watch her weep over all that she sees...  But God has given them a vision for Heart For Africa and they are walking in obedience...  They must stay focused on Him and what He's given them to do, because frankly, within a year or two, hopefully less, they will be able to help many children and families, instead of just one at the time.

Here's how...  God gave Janine and Ian a vision for purchasing land in Swaziland, it would be a miracle, since the king owns 70% of the land and there is very little available for private purchase.  But God... don't you just love those 2 words...led them to someone who was willing to sell them 2500 acres of land!!  The price was $1,000,000!  And if I've heard it once, I've heard it many, many times...  Janine and Ian believe that divine confirmation comes through God's provision..

And God confirmed this purchase in a BIG way...  Janine tells the story in her book, which will be out in February, but for now, I'll just tell you, God moved someone's heart to donate the $1,000,000!  And so it began...

When I was there in August, there was a lot of brush, a concrete floor to a building and some block walls...that was it!  And just 2 1/2 months later, 30 acres had been plowed, planted and you could see green sprouts coming up...   The building...  It was completed and being lived in!!  Things don't happen that quickly in America...they really don't happen that quickly in Africa!  God's handprint is all over this project!

The land they purchased has 3 climate zones on it...that means 3 different growing regions for all kinds of crops, cattle, chicken, a fish farm and who knows what else.  It has a waterfall and it's own water resource...  Drilling wells has been a cakewalk on this land...  Their vision is to house 1000+ children and families on this land...a medical center...an export food business and so much more.  It has been done in Kenya by Charles Mulli and he has sent his son to Swaziland to be the overseer for this project!!  God is clearly at work...  

So, if you want to really help, go to their website, www.heartforafrica.org and find how God is calling you to help...  Maybe He's calling you to go...  or to knit beanies... or maybe He's blessed you and you are able to give...  But above all...  PRAY!!   

There's so many ways to get involved...  I'll list them here with the links that will take you directly to the page on their website...but go to their website and explore too...  I've been on three trips with them now...  They are the real deal...  And it is clear from the way God is blessing their efforts that they are walking in obedience to His plans...  Happy Thanksgiving cyber friends!

Ways to get involved... (Click on each one and it will take you there)

Project Canaan

Gift Catalog

Beanies

Celebrate Litsemba  (Litsemba means 'hope'!)

So What Am I Learning?

The thing that I knew after this trip is that, if my life stayed the same, I would be dishonoring God first and the people of Swaziland second...  I must let God use their stories as tools in the hands of the potter to shape and form my heart...  And so I had to ask the question, once again, "What's next?"

I so LOVE God's perfect timing...  In Revelation, we are studying the trumpet judgments as God pours out His judgment on the world.  Funny, I've always thought of God's judgment as HIM doing something...causing something to happen...  But what He's been showing me is that His judgment is not Him DOING as much as Him ALLOWING or handing over...

Let me explain...  In Romans 1, Paul talks about how men insisted on following their own ways and ignoring God and that eventually God gave them over to their lusts, dishonarable passions and debased minds (Paul's words, not mine...)  So as I've studied Revelation 9 and the judgment on mankind, what I realized is that God's judgment is when He pulls back His restraining hand of mercy and gives man over to His sin...

In Revelation 9, He hands the key to the abyss to the fallen star and all kinds of torment is unleashed...  And then, He releases the 4 angels (not good angels) that are at the river Euphrates and even more suffering is unleashed.

What that tells us is that God, in His mercy, has been holding back the fullness of the evil that MAN (not God) let into the world in the Garden of Eden.  God's judgment is not a picture of a tyrant God beating up His people, it is really God saying, "If this is what you want...what you're insisting on...then here..."

The other thing that has really struck me too, is that God's judgment is a picture of His mercy...  While we are on this earth, our suffering is meant to draw us to Him...to cause us to repent and return to Him.  You see it in Revelation, it runs through the book of Joel and basically every other prophet...  Every time God allows the enemy to come on His people, the ONE thing He always tells them (and us) is "Repent and return to Me..."

Because here's the thing...the suffering and torment that we experience in this life is NOTHING compared to what it will be like in eternity apart from God...  If you think what I've been telling you about in Swaziland is horrific, that is just a taste of what eternity apart from God will look like... 

All of Scripture is about God drawing His people, those created in His image, back to Him...  Of tearing down our idols and drawing our hearts back to Him...  Because He knows that no one will love us and care for us like He will...  That no one or nothing can satisfy us like He does...

God's judgment, which is really Him allowing us to experience more of the fullness of what we are choosing in our sin anyway, is an act of kindness and mercy to save us from eternal suffering...  Think on that one for a while...


So what I've come to understand is that change... in my life... in the church... in America... in Swaziland... in the world... must begin with repentance and returning to God.  Repentance means turning from our sin and turning to God...


But repentance has to lead to change or it really means nothing and I really question if it's even true repentance... So God is showing me some areas that keep me from being fully surrendered to Him and I'm praying for opportunities to put some feet on my faith at home.

I really believe that my service to God in Swaziland is not done, my desire to serve that country is too great, but I also believe that God wants me in action in my own city...  There's other things I'm praying about and praying for...  So we'll see what God does over time...

So thanks for reading my stories, for letting me share my heart with you...  I know it probably hasn't been the most joy filled journey, but think about God's heart and how it all must grieve Him...  And then let it break your heart even more...

I loved the way that one of you worded a comment that you left...  (I'm paraphrasing it to express my thought) You can be 'speechless' over the tragedy of all that you see, but don't be 'actless...'  Be devastated and heart broken by the injustice you see all around you, but then pray and get into action...  Show God's heart to a world that desperately needs to see Him...

The Last Day...

If you've stuck with me this long in reading about my last trip to Africa, bless you...  I know how tempting it might be to tune me out, it's not an easy read and it's certainly not fun...or funny...or light hearted... But I have one more story to tell you and then I'll do a post, later in the week, about all that God has been teaching me... 

Be prepared again though, this is as hard as the garbage dump...  Maybe even a little more 'in your face...'  Because it hits us right where we live (literally)...

I have to admit, by the time Friday rolled around, my heart was numb...  It was too much to take in all at once, I was having a hard time processing all that I was seeing.  But there was one more stop to make...  An orphan headed household...  the oldest, 16 years old...  she was raising her 2 siblings and her cousin, and had been for 5 years, since she was 11...  Their parents had died of AIDS...

Out of respect for their privacy, I don't want to post a picture of them...  But their story is heart wrenching...

They live alone, left to fend for themselves...  They have no running water... they walk an hour each day to get water from the river...  Their homestead, once 5 buildings now seems to consist of one that is livable, the others are in ruin.  They are made of mud, and without some help with upkeep, the rainy seasons cause them to melt away...

You might notice that the door is missing...  It is now their bed...  for 2 of the girls anyway...  Let me take you on a tour of their home...  As I do, take a minute to imagine a similar room in your house...  We'll start with their bedroom...

So do you have your bedroom firmly fixed in your head?  The nice warm bed...lots of covers...a nice lamp or two...maybe a bedside table...carpet...

This is where they sleep each night...  Well, 2 of the girls, the other two sleep on a mat on the floor...

Now...  imagine your closet...  Is it overflowing with clothes and shoes?  Many that you probably haven't worn in a very long time?  Full of purchases that you probably didn't need?  Purses for different seasons?  Sadly, mine is...

Now, look at the 'closet' for 4 young women... 

Let's move to the kitchen area...  Do you have a nice refrigerator?  A full pantry?  Cabinets?  A dishwasher?  Here's theirs...

Their stash of corn in one corner...

Bread that we brought them, next to their bed...

Their cooking utensils...  (I guess they actually cook outside over an open fire)

The window...a source of fear at night because the latch is broken and they have no one to fix it...  They're afraid of who might come in during the night...  I'll leave the rest for your imagination...  I'm sure what you imagine is no where near as bad as their reality... 

It was an odd day for me...  I watched and listened to all of their story like a detached observer...  Somehow I just could not connect my heart with all that I was hearing...  To imagine my daughters in that situation was too much to bear...  And yet, these beautiful young girls, made in the image of God, bear it...they live it... every day.

The tears eventually came... they still do, at the most unexpected times...  God was gracious when I got home... I got sick... I've never been so thankful for a fever and an excuse to crawl into my cave and let the grief...the anger...the conviction of all that I saw wash over me...  I have wallowed in it...  railed against it...but now it is time to step out of it and act...

I don't know what's next for me related to Swaziland, my deepest desire is to return there in July or August...  We are seeking God's confirmation...  But I know for certain that my heart is changed forever...

I'll write again in a few days to share what God has been teaching me...

The Garbage Dump...

Let me warn you, this will not be an easy post to read...

So I think the place that was the hardest for me was the day we went to the garbage dump...  I knew it would be hard, but I really had no idea...

It's funny, but as I think of the drive to the dump, it strikes me how naive I was on the way there...  I don't mean for this to be overly dramatic, but I somehow wonder if maybe some part of my life will be defined as 'before and after' the dump...

It's hard for me to look at any thing and not think about what I saw there...  My home...my neighborhood...the food on our table...the food we throw away... the bed I sleep in...

I was worried about our trip to the dump...  I had asked Scott to pray for me because I was so worried about how I would respond...  Sights and smells often combine to have a negative impact on my stomach and the last thing I wanted to do was feel 'grossed out' by what I was seeing...  This is home for many of them and I wanted to see them, and respect them in their home...  I didn't want them to feel any shame or humiliation because of how I might respond...  And God was faithful...  I hardly noticed the smell...  I didn't give a second thought to where I walked...  I didn't notice the flies...  But I will never forget their faces...

When we first arrived, Janine asked us to leave our cameras behind so that we could build a little relationship with them, and then we could go back and get our cameras...  But we had only taken a few steps towards the dump, when she looked back at me and said, "go get your camera..."  I did, but she still asked that I keep it down for a few minutes until they could get comfortable with us...  But something changed...  All of a sudden she looked at me and said, "Take pictures...document it all...take a 1000 pictures..."  And so I did the hardest thing I've ever done... I started to take their pictures...

We watched a mother feed her 3 year old daughter a rotten banana she had found...  Her name is Esther...

We met a 70 year old grandmother who has lost all of her children to AIDS and comes to the dump to get food for her grandchildren...

A man wearing plastic bags for shoes, gave me permission to take his picture...  He even squatted down for me so I could get all of him in the picture...

We met a young man who lives at the dump with his brother...  their parents have died...  they fear the dark because the local men get drunk and come to the dump to harass them...

We gave them a bag of oranges for being so open with us...

This is where these other young men live...

They try to find meat, that doesn't have worms in it, and then they cook it...

They collect cigarette butts, pull out the little bit of left over tobacco and then smoke it...

They wait for the garbage truck to arrive...

And then, like a kid at Christmas, they start sifting through it's 'treasures'...

I don't know all of their stories, I wish I did...  I wish I knew their names...  but I want to show you their faces...  They deserve to have their faces known...  They deserve to have someone's heart break over them...

And in the midst of it all...the darkness...the injustice...the pain...we found children who, when given a soccer ball...can still be children...but don't miss the little boy who wouldn't put down his loaf of bread...

At the garbage dump, we found a glimpse of the peace of God, in the face of a child as one of our dear ladies, on our trip, prayed for her...

And a little boy who had clearly been prayed for before...

Jesus in the most unexpected places...

It was a hard day...perhaps one of the hardest ever...  When we got into the car to leave, I cried...  Taking photos of these beautiful people, made in the image of God, broke my heart.  I love photography...  But on that day I hated it...  Somehow I felt like I was stripping them of their last bit of dignity...  But their story needs to be told...  They need to be remembered... They deserve to be seen...  The image of God should never be found in a garbage dump...  I pray that somehow I have honored them by capturing them with respect and love...  By telling their story well...

As our time at the dump came to an end, a young man told us that they have hope in God when the white man comes...  It's not because we came with a lot of stuff...just a few bags of oranges...  He told us that he feels hope because he is seen, that he doesn't feel seen by the people of his own country...

But before we judge his fellow countrymen too harshly, we must stop and ask ourselves the question...  Are there people in our own communities who have no hope, because they don't feel seen?

Pastors in Swaziland told us they don't visit the dump because it is too dangerous...  But are there places that we are unwilling to go in our own communities, because it is too dangerous?

We dare not judge the people of Swaziland, because we have to ask the question, are we really all that different?

I can't speak for you, but the answer for me breaks my heart...
I am really not that different...

I pray, with all of my heart, that God is changing that...
I want my heart...my life...to look like His Son's...
And that means I need to see the brokeness around me... to learn to walk where most won't go... and to love the ones who most won't love... 

How about you?

They Are Not Faceless Statistics...

So I'm just curious, what are you planning for your Thanksgiving meal in just 2 weeks?  A large turkey?  Sweet potatoes?  Mashed potatoes?  Maybe some green beans and corn pudding?  Definitely gravy and stuffing?  What's for dessert?  Pumpkin pie?

On our second day, S, the lady who works for Heart For Africa in Swaziland, took me with her to buy food for a family that HFA has been looking after...  The mom had made a really hard choice and decided to be tested for HIV and now S wanted to buy her some food that would be a treat...  She called it a feast...  A large bag of rice...  Powdered milk, like our cremora for our coffee...  Canned fish...  Knorr instant Minestrone soup...  Soya, some kind of gravy and sugar beans...  A feast?  Really?  For a week, and 10 children?  Welcome to their world...

After we bought the groceries, we went back to the AIDS clinic and waited...  While we waited, I forced myself to look into the eyes, the faces, of the children...the mothers...the grandmothers...  I wanted to really see them...  They are not statistics...  They are people...  People with hopes and dreams...  Fears and feelings...  They put on their Sunday best to come to the clinic...  I wonder why?  Is it their only means of clinging to their dignity...  of dealing with a disease that many treat like leoprosy? 

As we waited, S told me about them...  She didn't know them personally, but while the details of the stories may be slightly different, they're all pretty much the same...  A young girl who had been raped, you could tell by the way she walked...  A young boy with HIV, either he was born with it, or he was raped...  Babies born with HIV will often not live past 7 because the ARV's destroy their organs...  Children who contract HIV rarely live past 29, for the same reason... 

The incidence of HIV is 48% in this small nation...  Physicians in the country estimate that it's more like 65%...  That 48% only represents those who have actually been tested...  Where does it stop?  I thought education was key...but is it really?  It's definitely part of the equation, but a heart change is necessary too...  Promiscuity...mulitple wives...rape...it has to stop...all the education in the world doesn't seem to impact the basic human nature...it requires true transformation that runs much deeper than a few facts and a campaign to use condoms!

I don't have photos of the faces that day...  It was a medical clinic, they deserve the same privacy we have in America, but the eyes were heart wrenching...  Children who should have been laughing and playing, were waiting for the medicine that will hopefully increase their lifespan a little and yet, ultimately kill them...   Mothers, waiting for hours and hours when they should be at home taking care of their families...   Babies... toddlers... whose playground, once a week, is an AIDS clinic waiting room...  The hard cold facts of their reality...

And yet a glimmer of hope in the day... a glimpse of God's power... an assurance that He's still in the miracle business... the young woman who we took to be tested, it was negative...  against all odds...  it defies human explanation...  Thank you God for hope...thank you for putting it on S's heart to buy her a 'feast!'  She had much to celebrate...and so did we!!

A Family of 40!

(To make the beanies that you'll see below for the children, go to The Beanie Machine (click on those words) and you'll find the information that you need...  thank you, what a wonderful gift to the children!!)

So, the reason that we went to Africa was because of Litsemba...the Siswati word for hope!!  It is a vision to see the church of North America partner with the church in Swaziland in bringing the hope of Christ to the widows and orphans of Swaziland...  You can read all about it at Heart For Africa's website and even find ways you can get involved...  Our small team went as a planning trip for the event and to begin seeking ways that we could implement this long term...  But we also went to learn more of the reality of what is happening in Swaziland...

On our first day there, we went to rural community and met a couple who has taken in 40+ orphans from their community.  We estimated that there were about 26 under the age of 5!  No one asked them to do this, except for the Holy Spirit of course, I doubt that it was what they had planned for their life, and yet they are willing to offer their lives as living sacrifices to care for those in distress.  On the weekends, they feed approximately 320 orphans because school is not in session and they would not have food to eat...

A member of Parliament for that area estimated that he has 25,000 constituents in that area and that 15,000 of them are orphans...  Is that just staggering to you?  It blows me away... I can barely get my brain around it...

With such sadness and grief in their young lives, you would think that I would have found far more despairing eyes than I did...  What I saw was hope...  life...  joy!!  I heard children sing praises to Jesus!!  They are surrounded by death and disease and yet, the love of God, through this couple has given them hope...  That's what happens when the church behaves like the church, as God intended.

One thing that I thought was really cool was that the community had come together and built a place for the children to sleep...  40 children sleeping in basically 2 rooms...  I'm ashamed when I consider the size of my house compared to the small building where these children sleep...

We were able to take them blankets, but the great joy was in giving them beanies that had been knitted for them!!  Look at these faces...  And if you're a knitter and want to knit some beanies...  Click here

Such a simple gift...yet so much joy... The message of "I see you and I love you..." straight from heaven!!