Saturday, September 13, 2008

For The Record...

I just wanted to acknowledge...I'm jealous!! Look at these photos, what mother wouldn't be (I'm so hoping I'm normal)...



Do I have any photos like that? Nooooo! Does she run into my arms every time I walk through the door? Does her voice ring with delight when she sees me in the morning? Does she cuddle in my arms for no reason? Does her face light up like Times Square on New Years Eve when she sees me every day after school? Nooooooo!

Funny, I seem to remember all of this with our biological children too! I carried them in my womb for 9 months and labored to bring them into this world... I carried Abby in my heart for 14 months...laboring over paperwork and the details of bringing her home...I fed and looked after our bio kid's every need 24/7...I answer to Abby's 'mommy' a gazillion times from 2-8:30 and all day on Saturday and Sunday...(if you've ever walked the path of motherhood, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about) and then Prince Charming walks through the door and I'm like the hired help... (I really am poking fun at life, if you've been able to tell anything at all about my heart so far, you'll know that secretly I LOVE that she loves her daddy...I do too! And I'm so thankful that she is attaching so quickly...she'll get to me in her time!)...

But there is so much to learn in all of this... lessons about sacrifice and laying down my life...lessons about the process of building trust... lessons about healing... lessons about loving unconditionally, without expectation! In other words, lessons about how my Heavenly Father loves me!

He has carried us in His heart for all eternity...He layed down His precious Son's life to bring me into His family...He patiently loves me and cares for me, even when I'm not willing to give myself completely to Him, so that I will learn to trust Him more... He heals my broken heart... He loves me unconditionally... Accepting me just the way I am but loving me too much to leave me as I am (borrowing a thought from Max Lucado).

There is no telling what kind of baggage Abby brings to our relationship... She has been through so much in her short little life... I have a lot to prove to earn her trust, even though I wasn't the one(s) who betrayed her and broke her heart... And maybe it's not just the baggage of broken relationships...maybe some of it is cultural differences...and maybe some of it is loyalty to her foster mother who loved her well... I really don't know...the fact is, I will continue to love her unconditionally, even when I'm 'jealous' and my heart hurts because I long for her to shower me with her love like she does her daddy, because that's exactly what my Heavenly Father does for me, every single day in every single moment!

This process is all about the baby steps...you don't notice them much at first, but over time, you can look back and see how far you've come. I'm so thankful for my Heavenly Father who models for me how to love her and how to help her build her trust in me...

3 comments:

sierrasmom said...

Hi Sharla its Kathie (Sierrasmom)Thanks for the post. The neat thing about Sierras picture is that it was taken last night (our time) A women from the Zhanjiang Kids Organization is over there visiting and she took those pictures less than 24 hours ago. Amazing!!! I am still praying we hear something this week even though its a short week in China.I LOVE reading your blog!!!!

Sydney said...

Hi Sharla,

I enjoy reading your blog and it reminds me of my experience when returned home a couple of months ago. Hang in there and if you ever need someone to talk to or need some advice feel free to email me. I have tons of advice that seemed to help my relationship with my little 6 year old. She has become quite the mommy's girl lately. Your amily will remain in my prayers.
www.petalsandpigtails.com

Mom Of Many said...

Abby's pictures with her daddy are absolutely precious! What a dolly! All those prayers and here she is - so very wonderful that she is home and adjusting to life with her forever family! Yippee Jesus!