Thursday, September 11, 2008

Who does she remind me of?

I wrestled with whether or not to post this...I don't want to over spiritualize things or make everything so heavy, but perhaps this is my season of life for now. God just keeps showing me so much about myself through Abby...

I guess because I am an adopted child of the King it's just easier for me to see it in Abby than it was in our biological children... I like things illustrated...I do better with a good story to learn a point, so maybe Abby is just my real life illustration of some things I needed to understand. Don't get me wrong, I do not, for one second, think this adoption is about me! I know for certain that it's not, I just happen to be the recipient of some pretty amazing "fallout" blessings along the way!

So, this morning I was sitting in "my chair," my favorite place in the whole house to sit and be quiet...especially with my Bible and my journal...and I was thinking about a pattern of behavior I've been noticing in Abby.

We've been doing much better lately...sometimes she has wonderful hugs for me...sometimes she crawls up in my lap for a few minutes and sits with me (but always for some reason, to look at something, to talk on the phone, etc.)... But, it seems like every time I don't do exactly what she wants me to do...or cater to her every whim... or if I frustrate her.... or deny her some indulgence, she shuts me out...she hardens her heart to me. Now she doesn't do that with Scott, but with me, she will snub me, refuse to hug me, not even respond when I say her name.

For example, my mini van is old (we like to drive them into the ground...we're talking 150,000 miles on this baby, yes, I'm proud!)...but the electric system is slowly failing...first the electric, "open sesame" doors the lock on the passenger side is failing (funny how all of the problems are on the passenger side of the van...can you say KIDS!) this morning, as we are waiting for the bus, Abby is playing with the lock and door handle and I tell her to stop.

So she tests, and I tell her again...then she sits for a few seconds with her finger on the button, just itching to get in trouble...and then she pops the door handle again, and I tell her firmly, she must stop or it will tear it up. Then the bus comes into view and I can't get her to get out of the car. "Abby," no response, "Abby," still no response...I bet I said her name 5 times...I finally gave her gentle nudge and said, "Abby, the bus is here, you have to get out of the car." She got out, but did not even acknowledge my presence, usually I at least get a wave.

Now if that had been Scott, she would have thrown herself into his arms...locked her legs around him, hugged him tightly and said, "I love you daddy." And then waved good bye so sweetly as she walked to the bus... For the record, YES, I'm jealous! We can both tell her no at the same time...he gets a sweet smile...I get a dirty look! Go figure...

So as I'm thinking about all of this, I had the nagging sense that she reminded me of someone...oh (yuck) ME!

I do EXACTLY the same thing with my Heavenly Father! I'm rolling along, the days are good, and I'm thinking my Heavenly Father is just wonderful...God is so good! But then a bump hits...things don't go as I planned...I don't like His answer to a just gets hard and all of a sudden, I find that my heart is hard! Spiritually, I'm doing the exactly same thing as Abby!

Abby's problem is that she doesn't fully trust her, love and care looks like 'YES, princess, whatever your heart desires." But the fact is, I love her to much to do that to her...true love is being able to say 'no', to set do what is really best instead of what feels good.

Sometimes it takes WAY more love to say no, than it does to say yes... Too often 'yes' is a lazy, or even worse, selfish's more about making ourselves feel good than what is best for our children.

But God is none of those things...He's never lazy...He's never selfish and He never takes the easy way out...He ALWAYS, 1000% of the time, does what is best for me. The real question is, do I trust Him? His goodness? His love? His wisdom? Do I trust that He can see a bigger picture that I know nothing about?

Hmmm...the next time Abby doesn't like my response to something, maybe I'll try and respond a little more like my Heavenly Father, with tremendous grace and unwavering patience!

1 comment:

Denise said...

Wonderful post. Ok, you should write a book about all of these experiences...I would buy it. I am serious!